A serious question for those who are married?

Ok this a a question for married adults, those who have been married atleast 5 years or more.





My husband and I got on the topic of cheating tonight. I feel that it is cheating is when a physical act has occured. As, to where he feels you can emotionally cheat. Has anyone else ever had this conversation? If so, how did the end result? Neither of us believe that cheating is ok. however, we are talking about what makes people cheat and how to avoid that. We have been married going on six years now. Both of us have changed a great deal. Its part of life and growing as a person. No this not a question, for us..looking for a way to cheat. Do not think that. However I am honestly curious how many couples have had a similar conversation with their spouse and how closed/open minded couples are. We have agreed on most points. However, there are a few we dont see eye to eye on. Anyone else been through this?A serious question for those who are married?
There is such a thing as an emotional affair. It can be just as damaging, and sometimes even MORE damaging that an affair that is just about sex. An emotional affair is more threatening to your marriage. Women tend to be more upset about the emotional aspect of an affair.....';did you love her';, etc. Men tend to focus more on the physical part when their wife betrays them.





Emotional only, physical only, or a combination of both, It is an emotional trauma and hurts the spouse deeply.


It's one of those things that you just do not really understand until you've walked in those shoes. I sure didn't!





Use this conversation as an opportunity to really understand each other and start to build strong protective boundaries for yourself and your marriage. Most see far to late just how easy it is to cross those lines and end up betraying your spouse. A happy marriage can become the victim of an affair. A coworker that you get friendly with, and online friend that you flirt with, a friend of your spouses that you spend lots of time with.....these things happen. We all will talk to members of the opposite sex, but sometimes, we really have to be careful. Does the 'friendship' become something we hide from our spouse? Are we saying things to this person that we would not want our spouse to hear? Are we sharing intimate details of our personal lives with this person? Believe it or not, that is the start of many an affair!








Yes, I know the answer,,,,this will NEVER happen to us, we love each other!


Well, most spouses are totally blindsided when they discover an inappropriate relationship. So many people assume that an affair means the betrayed spouse wasn't doing something, or that the marriage was horrible. Not true in many cases.


It's more about something lacking within the spouse who strays, a core problem, an ego boost, etc.





Many an affair starts out simple, then gets more 'emotionally' involved, and progresses to physical.





We were ';happily'; married for 22 years when my H had an affair. He was depressed and unhappy with HIMSELF. He refused to talk to anyone and ended up playing really stupid games to boost his ego. It almost ended our marriage. Several of his guy friends told me that my H would 'never' cheat on me, etc. They were as surprised as I was.





I suggest that you do a little reading. Hindsight is great. Believe me, you never want to go through that heartache!


I have been involved with a support group for those recovering from infidelity for seven years now. BOTH types of affairs devastate a spouse!!!





Some good books to help protect your marriage:





';Fall in Love, Stay in Love'; by Dr. W. Harley





';Hedges, loving your marriage enough to protect it'; by J.Jenkins.





';The Five Love Languages'; by ChapmanA serious question for those who are married?
Yes, You have to be willing to communciate about anything and everything, even if you don't always feel comfortable, if your married you've already been vulnerable to your partner in one way or another so having open and honest communication shouldn't be as difficult as we sometimes make it.





Ours started because I starting to explain that emotional cheating is extremely easy to do, and most times you don't realize your starting to do it until the spouse finds out and gets upset.





Of course there are times when it is done on purpose and then can lead to physically cheating.





Most forms of cheating occurs when there is a lack of (Communication, Attention, Shared Responsibilities, or Immaturity)





I
My husband and I are very careful. We both believe you can emotionallly cheat. Even talking to another man could be sens as cheating in my view.


We don't see eye to eye on everything. We have been married 8 years and hope to learn more and more as time goes on. No time for no one else!
Been married for 13. Not doubt marriage especially with children has its challenging moments! One, the fact you are both discussing your feelings-in aggeement or not, is a sign of good healthy communication! ';Thinking'; these thoughts and NOT discussing together is a warning! We've had discussions about every subject on earth. You will not always agree. As long as you know how EACH OTHER feels and RESPECT and honor each others values is what is important. In otherwords, agree to disagree on philosophy but not trust, values and always honor your relationship and marriage above all. So, for instance I did not want my husband to go to a bachelor party for a friend that was going to have a stripper. He did not agree with me and said he was faithful and that was not cheating by attending the party. I strongly disagreed! He realized how important it was to me and how I would view it as a violation to me and the bachelor party wasn't that important. He STILL disagreed with me on my thinking that it was ';cheating';, but understood my feelings-in the end, he did not go nor did he resent me. He just did not agree with my thinking of what cheating meant.


I felt it wasn't that I didn't trust him, I just didn't feel it was appropriate to be there rooting on another woman to take off her clothes and seduce married men. Agree to keep up the debates out in the open, not hidden inside to fester and destroy your marriage! Know where you stand with one another.
I think you and your husband had an actual deep conversation and that you've come closer for this. You and he both know more about each other. Though I am hoping that you don't disagree that he thinks that one can cheat emotionally. I do want to say, it is emotional cheating when thoughts of another pushes a wedge between a couple. Keeping that couple either in neutral or even dieing, when they should be in drive. Forgive the car analogy! :)





My husband and I actually talked about it before we got married only because we were friends first. We hung out together. We just had a talk one day about how much we learned in our previous relationships and what we wanted out of a new one. I think after that talk, something changed in us and we saw something we didn't see before in eachother.





We've been married 10 years this August and together 12 years. We have never had the talk of cheating or cheaters since that day. We new from the beginning what we wanted and needed from one another. He is the dearest most loving soul in know and I know he would never betray me like that, physically or emotionally. We adore each other. I am blessed and truly thankful.





May you both be blessed!
I can't have a conversation like that with my husband because he will automatically assume that I have interior motives. We have tried to talk about cheating and we ended up having an agrument. That is great that you and your husband could have a talk like that and not get into a heated argument.
I find such conversation very important...I believe in learning from others mistakes...and when it comes to cheating in the marriage that would be the only option ....my wife and I used to pose all sorts of scenarios...I think mainly to hear and be re-assured each of us knew right from wrong...I had always been the type to ignore the emotional aspects of cheating but without hesitation pursecute anyone who would physically cheat on their spouse...but when I learned about my wifes cheating it was just the opposite that hurt most....the emotional bonding that she made with another betrayed my heart felt love for her and what I thought she had for me. It was that emotional connection that triggered the physical cheating.
I have been married almost 31 yrs now, and we have talked a little over the years about it..... and we think alike in some ways and way apart on some...... In my heart even looking at pictures, maybe because of my age, is cheating, he does not...... I feel him looking is degrading and emotional toture for me, because I am no longer young I guess..... but, I must give him credit, he no longer looks at those mags or on here......... I finally got through to him...... there are all levels of cheating, and if one partner feels something is *cheating* then the other should have enough respect to NOT do it...... I hope this all makes sense ????? God bless
yea, we've had a conversation like this, when one of my friends cheated oh her husband. honestly, we feel the same about it, which is a good thing cause i now we're on the same page. we both feel that is starts as an emotional affair, therefore attracting one further to the newer love, then eventually turns physical.
Cheating is cheating....either physical or emotionally. You are both right. There are plenty of couples where one or the other start on the Internet with the emotional part and ends up physical. They start thinking they are doing nothing wrong but, realize they are getting something from a total stranger they aren't getting from their spouse they talk for hours and get emotionally attached start pulling back from marriage.
Yes, we have had the same conversation except we both think you can cheat emotionally. That is where it usually starts.





Married 10 years
We discussed this because many people that married earlier divorced around some due to infidelity. We thought in addition to physical cheating that when someone takes or begins to take the emotional place of your spouse it is dangerous to the vows. Example: confiding in, wanting to talk to them share happy/sad news etc with them before spouse.
Yup, been there. I think everyone eventually has that conversation with their spouse or long term partner.





Every couple decided for themselves what constitutes cheating. I consider cheating anything more than a hug and a handshake, as I put it to my husband. We also both think you can emotionally cheat and that is not allowed, either.





He used to be much more liberal in his views, but has changed over the years. For a while, he favored the idea of an open marriage, but he decided the possible consequences weren't worth it.





After weeks worth of discussion, we decided that the strictest idea of monogamy was best for us. I think we were both pretty open minded to each others views on the subject. After all of the understanding the other person's point of view, we had to decide what worked best for us as a couple, not as individuals.
My wife and I have had this same conversation . But, we both


feel that whether it's physical , emotional , porn , heavy flirting


or plan old lusting for some one else.... it still comes down to


'cheating' !! Whenever you 'want' someone that you're not


to have , wouldn't you call that 'cheating' ???
My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and we've had this discussion due to the fact something took place with another couple that we knew. We happen to both feel that cheating is when a physical act takes place. However, The Bible does state if one has had thoughts of cheating with someone, then in your heart you've cheated with that person. We both agree with that as well for you cannot argue with The Word.
me and my husband have been married 10 years and we have had a talk like this and we both fell that cheating is both an emotional or physical act that is done with someone other than your spouse
Cheating is anything you dont want your partner to find out about.


On line chatting, mobile phone dating, prostitutes, casual extramarital sex, looking at pervy books or videos....the list goes on
Please read my answer to someone asked about what it takes to get divorced. This quesetion was asked by a man.


My take on this is that there is no such thing as a destroyed marriage. I go by what the Bible says on the subject.
i have been married a little over five years and my wife and i agree with your husband. cheating can be more that just a physical act.
OK.. FIRST.. CHEATING SUCKS..IF IT'S PHYSCIAL OR EMOTIONAL DOESN'T MATTER MUCH. MOST PEOPLE , NO MATTER HOW HAPPY THEY ARE WITH THEIR PARTNER LOOK AT THE OPPOSITE SEX. IT'S ONLY HUMAN..BUT WHEN THEY START TO HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THAT PERSON..THAT'S NOT COOL.. THOUGHTS USUALLY LEAD TO PHYSICAL CONTACT..%26amp; THAT REALLY SUCKS!!!! I WAS MARRIED FOR 25 YRS WHEN MY MARRIAGE STARTED TO BREAK DOWN..AFTER A LOT OF EFFORT ON BOTH OUR PARTS, %26amp; 33 YRS IT ENDED. IT'S NEVER THE SAME WHEN SOMEONE CHEATS. TRY TO KEEP THE COMMUNICATION LINES OPEN ALWAYS..%26amp; DON'T HESITATE TO SPEAK YOUR MIND TO YOUR PARTNER.


IF YOU FEEL THERE IS PROBLEM..GET TOGETHER OVER A COFFEE %26amp; DISCUSS IT. YOU BOTH MUST BE HONEST %26amp; ABLE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR OWN FAULTS( IF ANY) IT'S NOT EASY BUT IF THERE IS TRUE LOVE...IT'S WORTH THE WORK.. HANG IN THERE.
sorry I agree with your husband. I think emotional cheating is just as bad as physical. Years ago my dh had an emotional thing going on with a woman who was in the process of divorce. It almost ruined our marriage. If a person wants to talk to someone else and hang out with someone else, and they're attracted to them, then it's just an affair waiting to happen. BTW my dh and I have grown up a lot too and he has never done this again (nor have I)
See http://www.howtodealwithabreakup.com