Can I trust my wife again after she cheated and then recontacted the guy two times years later as ';friends';?

My wife cheated on me with her co-worker five years ago and she told me about it after feeling guilty. I told her then to stop seeing that guy and that it was wrong since both were married and were hurting their spouses. She promised to stop but wanted me to let her stop it by herself and for me not to get involved. Well I did that back then and it kept going. So finally I put a tape recorder in her car and caught her professing her love to him and then I confronted her. He sensed things were getting dangerous so he broke it off and she got mad and used me to get back at him by telling all and allowing me to call to confront him. I was a big oh thang. I talked to his wife and had it out with him etc etc . At the end of the session my wife later said she spoke to him to confirm that he really meant the things he said to her about love while they were cheating. I told her to promise to let it go if she loved me but somehow it seemed that something was still lingering but I could not put my finger on it. Fast forward 5 years later and many hours of marriage counseling I am in hog heaven all seems well but my wife stares at me at times like she swallowed a canary. I say what?? She said oh nothing just looking at you. I get suspicious after it her action make me have flash backs of 5 years ago. I said to myself that I bet she is sneaking around with that bastard. After installing spyware on her computer, I discovered my loving beautiful wife whom I have 4 kids with has created an elaborate email network to avoid be caught talking to you know who. I got angry , cried and had bad thoughts really bad! I calm down made copies of her emails to her and got all email addresses she used and confronted her. She was soooo shocked she lied initially then she got made at me saying I didn't trust her and that if I did trust and love her , I would not be snooping on her.


She eventually owned up and said she was only helping him with application for a business that we were in since he had financial problems. At this point I told her that he could be ******* homeless for all I care and that should not be her concern plus she supposedly stopped talking to him after the big blow up 5 year ago. She guranteed that he was non romantic etc etc and that she was helping him get into the same business that we were in!! I said F*** that bulls***. I begin to pondering how far the original affair went even though she told me he couldnt get erect when they attempted to have sex and only performed limited oral sex on her.


I figured no man would risk his marriage for you multiple times over a span of 7 years if he wasn't getting sex!!!!! She denied it but I took matters into my own hands and confronted him on my own and told his wife which made her angry cause she said that she ended it by saying to him that this was wrong and that she could not help him no more. I cursed him out and her out for even communicating with each other since they had a adulterous history in first place. Since that time she had been more depressed and has partially with drawn and shown little interest in intimacy with me even though I rub her feet, her back and tell her how beautiful she is. She weighs 211 lbs now she weight 180 lbs when she cheated 5 years prior.


Recently we had a fight about her neglecting me and all the old stuff came up because I felt that I working hard pleasing her to get crumbs while she gave herself to a man free of charge per say when he wasn't her husband and didn't pay the dues I did doing all this time of our marriage. Oh did I also mentioned she also takes medicine for depression for the last 8 years. I tried to give her excuses because of the depression but I think she used / uses him to escape reality. When I recently talked to the man's wife about their lastest contacts she was dealing with him about phone calls from another women (not my wife) she found on their cell phone bill. I told my wife about how I was right about this dude being a slick talker and preying on low self esteem women and she demised the issue. Now I am trying to get our marriage back on track even though she recently said to me that it was be so easy to start up her relationship with him again but she won't do it because she loves me. That actually made me mad!!! If she loves me then it should be very very hard for her to start that up!!!!!!! If she doesn't love me or is faking her love for me then it should be very easy for her to seduce and get back with him. I'm Lost!!!!!! and confused. I want my wife and family to stay together but I fear that all is heading down the tubes. I need an objective opinion on whether its worth it after all I've been through with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must love her to death to put up with this and maybe she knows it and uses that and her depression to keep kissing and begging!!Can I trust my wife again after she cheated and then recontacted the guy two times years later as ';friends';?
What a wife! I'm sorry for you my friend. I wish that you leave her and go look for someone who's worthy. What a crappy situation she put you through... and keeps on doing it! Let her go and be with this married man she seems to be digging. Stop keeping her from leaving, you can't do that because she'll do it behind your back, like she has. Just go and enjoy life with someone who loves you and respects you.Can I trust my wife again after she cheated and then recontacted the guy two times years later as ';friends';?
She's playing you like a fiddle, my friend. Right now, you're her security blanket. When she finds a new place to land...she'll be gone. Some people can play the game a long time before they make a break. Looks like she's one of those. The desire to keep this together has to come from her...otherwise you're just banging your head against the wall. Good Luck.
You can't fix your marriage by yourself, she has to be putting in as much effort as you are............Before I got married I started seeing my ex-boyfriend, I told my soon to be hubby I still had feelings for my ex. He still wanted to marry me, I don't believe in cheating after your married, so my hubby and I moved, so I didn't have to deal with temptation, I wasen't contacting my ex before the move, he was kind of stalking me because I wanted to be with only my hubby. So part of the problem may be this other guy is obsessed with your wife, and no matter what she says about it's none of your concern------thats a lie, she's your wife, you have every right to kick his cheating a**, Put your foot down cheating is cheating, even an emotional affair is wrong when your married.