How do you stay with a partner that has had an affair? Is it worth it to stay for the child's sake?

Ok, my husband had an affair shortly after we were married, I was pregnant with our first child and chose to stay and work through it, I thought I was over it or had at least dealt with it, I believe he is having another affair two years later, I have two step children that live with us that are rude and disrespectful, their mother, with whom he had the original affair, has convinced them age 7 and 9 that I am the reason they cant all live together, my husband swears he has no feelings for her, and I believe that he is seeing someone else and not the ex wife.. our two year old daughter loves her daddy but is clearly suffering from the stress in the home... I don't fight in front of the kids and have tried talking to him, if I stay it will be a silent protest to his behavior and I will clearly have to give up any hopes I have had of happiness as he refuses to get marriage Councelling...Can you ever get over a cheating spouse? Is it worth it to stay even though he is cheating so that my daughter doesn't grow up with a broken home? I am willing to set aside my own needs but need to know is it worth it to be desperately unhappy for the sake of my child?How do you stay with a partner that has had an affair? Is it worth it to stay for the child's sake?
i dont think you can ever fully get over it. my husband cheated on me when i was pregnant with our daughter. it was a girl he worked with and they had a thing going for 4 months. i had no clue until i noticed that his cell phone bill wasnt coming in the mail anymore. then suspicions grew and i started doing some investigating. i dont think i have ever been that hurt. i left him for a week and after alot of begging and promising i went back. it has been 2 years now and we are happy but this is still with me. i dont think about it every day like i used to, but i think about it enough. the worse thing about it is you will always have that fear there that it will happen again. you never let your guard down again which takes a huge toll on your marriage. he has proved himself to me and i do trust him about as much as i ever will. at first i was afraid that maybe i was staying with him for the sake of our daughter, but it has gone beyond that now. so my point is, that i do think you can get THROUGH an affair and go on to live a happy married life....but you will never get over it. you can forgive but you will never forget. now, your suituation is much different because now you think he is doing it again. if i ever had a suspicion like that again i would leave. the only reason you stayed was because you thought he was truly sorry for what he did and it wouldnt happen again right? well, if you stick around the second time you are saying you will just put up with it. i dont believe that saying 'once a cheater always a cheater'...i believe anyone can change and learn from their mistakes, but if they dont then you shouldnt put yourself through that again. staying with him for the sake of your daughter doesnt make much sense. if you are both living together unhappily, whether you fight in fromt of her or not, she will sense the tension and wont be as happy as she should be. i grew up with parents that were together for me and my sisters.....it was horrible growing up and youd be doing her a favor by seperating. its better for her to have her parents happily living in different homes rather than living together miserable. if he cant evebn make an effort and go to counseling then he doesnt even WANT to try to make your marriage work. you shouldnt continue to put up with his crap. obviously hes not ready for change and doesnt deserve your love!! good luck. i know how tough it is to go through this and i hope it works out for you.How do you stay with a partner that has had an affair? Is it worth it to stay for the child's sake?
It isn't a safe healthy environment to raise your daughter in. She can sense that you and your husband aren 't happy. You should leave your husband and get a divorce especially since he is not willing to change himself or help raise his other two children to have manners and be respectful of your household. He is most definately scared to change himself if he is opposed to counseling. Best of Luck:)
Yes you can get over infidelity in a marriage, but never ever set aside your own needs and feelings trying to make it work.


If me, Id leave the fool asap and take him to the cleaners with a good divorce lawyer.


Staying married in a unhappy marriage is not doing your children the favour you think it is. A divorced happy parent can also be a great example for your kids as well.


Short answer is NO .If you think you can get over it and learn to trust him again and get the feeling of love for him back only.
Life is too short to willingly put up with continuous unhappiness. It's a shame taht he won't go through counseling to keep the marriage together, but b/c he won't... that speaks volumes. Leave him and don't worry about your daughter, she is better off in a happy house than in a tension filled one.
Leave him and get cousling for the kids. hes a pig and a looser. Do you think you deserve this crap. You way to good for him!!!
Why would you teach your child that its ok to let someone abuse you? If for no other reason, for the child's sake, get out!
Having been in the same shoes you are in I can say with a fair amount of certainty that his behavior will not change. Stripes on a tiger don't wash away. I doubt your feelings will change either. Although there are a handful of couples out there that are able to work through infidelity, the number is so small it doesn't warrant consideration, they are as rare as a Bigfoot. Most will always have that distrust and suspicion and trust is the foundation of a solid marriage. Kids are very resilient, they'll adjust. You stated you don't want your daughter growing up in a broken home, what do you call your situation right now? You can't be a good parent when you are in a situation where you are not respected or loved.. Most people are willing to stay in a bad situation because they are afraid of what's next, the unknown. In reality, once they make the break and quit looking back they find that they are much better off and do indeed find someone who respects them. To this day the Boston song ';Don't look back'; is one of my favorites and got me through some rough times. Listen to the words, it might make sense to you also. I empathize with you but I think you know what you want and need to do, you just needed confirmation from others which is why you posted this question, isn't it. Good luck and good riddance to him!
you need to leave. for the sake of your child. he will still be able to see her. but this man sounds like a dog. do u really want to be unhappy for the rest of your life? i doubt it...
Personally,





i think your daughter would be better of in a home with just you, than the current situation.





Why?


The negative impact that the other kids behaviour might have.


The lack of trust due to your husbands infidelity (they KNOW/FEEL this!)





A child needs a safe environment, and at the moment, due to outside factors (not you!) this isn`t the case.





Frankly - i`m surprised you haven`t already kicked him out.


He`s cheated, and again, and again - in other words, he will never change.





No matter how painful this is - i`m afraid that if you choose to remain, you will end up hurting even more, and your daughter will suffer as well.





Choose for yourself, choose for your daughter - kick out the no-good (bad word of choice here) - and start again.





Best of luck to you, and your daughter, for the coming time.
YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM TODAY!


Children are like sponges and they suck up negativity and disrespectful behaviour... like what is happening to you. Your child is better off without nasty half Sib's, and a cheating dad and a poisonous ex wife....


RUUUUUUN!
Short and snot so sweet he's a sour grape dump him.


Leave a.s.a.p


No No No Leave it will only get abusive and worse.
a happy family is a happy mum,children pick up on our feelings
Sometimes it is best to end a Marriage, when the Husband/Wife for that matter choose to still have Affairs outside of Marriage, You need to ask yourself this question and you will come up with an answer to your dilemma.


Does he really Love me, or is this a Marriage of convenience? You take care of his Kids from his previous Marriage, and he still goes outside of his wedding vows and has another Affair?


No one appreciates the sacrifice you are making in trying to keep your Family and your Marriage from being destroyed, not even your Husband.The one who is suffering here is your daughter and yourself, do not count your stepchildren this Kids are a bad influence for your Daughter, because she is seeing the way this kids act towards you and your Husband does nothing to stop it.


If I were you I would have run not walk from this so-called Marriage, because if you stay he is going to be having the time of his Life with affairs after affairs, Please take into consideration that there are Diseases that your Husband might bring to you, and if he does you are going to be sorry you did not leave him as soon as you found out about his cheating.


The one you should be worrying about is your Daughter,she deserves to have a good upbringing with a Daddy that Loves her, and cares what happens to her, not a mockery of this Dad she has.


You also need to take into consideration your own self-worth, you are some one that needs someone to give a hug or a pat in the back, in appreciation for what you do for your little Girl.


Good Luck to you and your Daughter, I hope you make a decision that will help you and your daughter both.
Oh Azrah, I'm sorry, but your child's already growing up in a broken home!





It's broken beyond the point at which you have any control over fixing it either. He slept with someone else just after you were married; he slept with someone else when you were pregnant; he allows his children to treat you like s**t; is not prepared to put any effort into fixing this himself - and finally, you think he's cheating on you again! this guy is an absolute jerk!





If he can have an affair when you're supposedly at a time when two people should be most in love i.e. just married and then pregnant, absolutely nothing will stop him in later life.





There are so many factors here contributing to you being extremely unhappy, the ex-wife is never going to be out of the picture either as long as the kids are around. (That's a fact!) You can never get over a cheating spouse, you can only learn to live with the knowledge. Maybe you could have lived with it as some do, if your husband was truly sorry and treated you with love and respect afterwards, but this isn't happening here.





Your daughter may always love her daddy, and he may love her too, but she can do this from your own home, where you are also loved and respected for who you are, and have the rights and courtesies you should be able to expect in your own home. Your child will be happier, she'll be able to sense the discord between you whether you discuss it openly or not; you're kidding yourself if you think that it's better for her to be in this environment with so many negative emotional influences.





Time to bail, kiddo. This one's not worth the damge it'll do in the long run, to everyone except him. His kids can't be all that happy either in the middle of this, learning to dislike someone who doesn't desesrve it, you're not happy, the ex-wife isn't happy 'cos she's poisonous, your daughter's getting stressed and unhappy - the only one who's getting to do excatly what he likes is the husband.





Time for a reality check! Setting your own needs aside in this case definitely harms you, and is NOT actually helping your daughter.





Hard times ahead, but it does sound as though you don't actually have strong feelings left for the d***head any more anyway, so be free to love your daughter and don't waste any more of that love on others who don't deserve it! Imagine the relief.






every situation is different. for you moving on may be best
Sorry, but this is your own fault. You took him back after he cheated, and he did it again. what a shocker. By taking him back, that more or less tells him he can do it and get away with it. And if you really care what your step kids think, if their own mother feels they are adult enough to be told its YOUR fault they cant be a family with their dad, then tell them the truth about mommy and daddy. Otherwise, I wouldnt worry what they thought of the situation. Sounds like their mom and dad sadly doesnt care about a stable, steady home life if they are both all about having affairs. Do whats best for YOUR child.
u 4gave him for the first affair and now u think he's cheatin again? i always believe that if u feel it than he's doing it. i would talk 2 him about it 2 see what he says. but i wouldn't stick around 4 the child's sake becuz in the end the child suffers.