i am in the military and as such deploy pretty frequently.during my first one, i knew my wife was cheating on me when i called her and she was at a party and kept ignoring me to talk to another guy. she hung up on me after saying she couldnt hear me and when i tried calling back, her phone was turned off. i confronted her about it a week later, and she denied it but acted emotionally disconnected. after the deployment, i flew home and all was back to normal except for the thought in the back of my mind with no real proof... well, about a year later, i had to go to a training at a base a couple of states over, and the same cycle started again.. she drove over to see me, but treated me like we were dating or something, and the 1 time we had sex it felt dirty, almost like i was having sex with a complete stranger. after the training, i came home after her, and one day after work, the neighbor called me over and told me that my wife ';confided'; something pretty sleezy that she felt she needed to tell me. well, my suspicions were confirmed, and we confronted her after she got off of work one day.
she admitted to it, crying hysterically and also told me she bought plane tickets, had the car packed, and was going to take our son and go back home. she couldnt make eye contact with me the whole time and said she wanted to leave because of the shame, guilt, and hurt she put me through. with me being the nice guy i am (and knowing her bad family history), i persuaded her to stay and we would try and work through this. we went to a marriage counselor for a while, but it did me no good, and her very little.
since then, she has gotten really active in the church, and straightened herself into a great wife and mother, and we now have 2 kids. she has been back to a therapist on her own because of intimacy issues brought on by guilt and shame from the aformentioned events. that has helped some, but i dont think it will ever be the same...
i am almost done with this current deployment (1 month), and i have been having extreme anger issues because i keep having very vivid daydreams (nightmares) of her and someone else having sex. when this happens, i have to walk away for a few minutes and yell as loud as i can or hit something to get any relief whatsoever.of course i have trust issues (and always will), and that hurts both of us.. i have considered divorcing her, but we have undying love for eachother and i dont think divorce will solve anything anyway..
i just wanted to know how people have dealt with infidelity issues with their spouses? i am broken man, and these feelings come on like a freight train and my co-workers either think im crazy, or just an a$$hole.
thank you for any advice, PLEASE dont post anything dirty.Bad re occuring memories?
it takes time to heal. usually i would say that once a cheater, always a cheater, but if you really believe in your heart that you were meant for each other, then once again... it will take time.
Hope this helps! God Bless **Bad re occuring memories?
You're not crazy, nor are you an a$$hole hon. If she's truly straightened up her act, give her a chance; go to couples counseling, and you should go individually as well. You have a lot of anger, and rightfully so, toward her. She acted immaturely and foolishly. BUT if what you say is true, that was before, for your sake, for the kids, and for who she is now, give it a try. But also remember, just because you love her doesn't mean it *has* to work.
Good luck!!
You are certainly justified with your feelings of rage. The feeling builds up in you because you are powerless to verify her fidelity while you are away. She sounds like she really turned around. She has totally changed her life and activities, and is ashamed of what she did.
Are you going to stay in the military with long deployments for the foreseeable future? I don't think you can resolve these feelings until a few years go by and you see that she never does anything funny. I think you can eventually trust her again, but the mind does start turning when you are so far away, and she could be off doing whatever. Thanks for your service, Dudeman.
It gives the most pain when a partner breaks that trust and sleeps with someone else. They say that time will heal the pain, but in reality its gets better and you accept it more easily as you get older. You probably have never forgiven her, you need to say it out loud. I forgive you, you will feel better for it and don't forget to use your religion for comfort to.
See if there is a counsellor that you can speak with about these types of issues that will help you get this straightened out in your mind. Talk with your wife about it and see if she will go with you to those meetings.
No comments:
Post a Comment