I cringe of the thought of having sex with my spouse, is there hope? Please help.?

My husband and I have been married for 6 years and together for 9. We have two children together and in the beginning things were perfect as many relationships are. After our daughter who was only 6 months into our relationship my husband pulled away from our relationship. He neglected me and our daughter and left all his time to friends and activities that should have been given up once our daughter came into the world. I was the one picking up both sides of a parent and struggled to keep our relationship together. After 8 years I told him I was done sick of deal with our issues myself, because I needed him to try to have a marriage too.





So he changed completely and has been amazing, the man I always knew he could be. I now think that maybe my heart is long gone and I will never love him again. I can鈥檛 stand having sex with him; the sound of him kissing me makes me want to cry. I have never cheated on my spouse, I believe very much so in the vows I took. Do you think the years of resentment have changed my heart to close him off completely? I know I don鈥檛 love him and I don鈥檛 know what to do? I am scared to tell him I feel this way, and I am extremely scared to tell him how I feel about sex. How do I fix this I am spinning?





Also before it is said we have done couseling which is how I now know I'm not in love with him and I have resintment for him..I do know I need to let go of the anger but I'm not sure that can be done.I cringe of the thought of having sex with my spouse, is there hope? Please help.?
from my expierience, it is time to pack your stuff %26amp; move on. you can only work on something for so long before you realize that you can't fix something that's been broken for so long. i was married to the women of my dream's for 10 years, %26amp; after 2 children, %26amp; 10 years, i knew i couldn't fix something that was broke. it was hard, but know 10 years later i am so happy, i wouldn't change a thing. just move on %26amp; make yourself happy. good luck!!!I cringe of the thought of having sex with my spouse, is there hope? Please help.?
You will need to fall in love again. Try to find time for the two of you, go out and do the fun things you used to. Sometimes bring your daughter, and sometimes just go by yourselves. As for sex, try to slow it down so it's not so often. Good luck.
I know you don't want to hear this.


But a part of you still loves him and the bigger part of you that's hating on him after leaving you to deal with the kids is taking over you.


Learn to love him again. Don't be negative.


This is not the end.





Just believe. =]
i believe you are exactly right in saying there is resintment. let me encourage by sayin there is a chance to fall back in love. i would encourage you to go buy the book the love dare. it is a book that helps marriages become repaired.
marriage is not easy in fact it's really hard..it takes a lot of work everyday- and whether or not it's worth it to make it work is your choice... communication is key -good luck
Take two valium and give it up joyfully or he will find someone who will give it up joyfully
Try to work it out with him. Cause I know the grass isn't greener on the other side.
Then I'm afraid that if you are that unhappy you must part company
you need to tell him... and decide if the marriage is worth saving (then having an open marriage) or going your separate ways..





maybe you need a male friend that can make you passionate again..
D I V O R C E
Your coming to your cross roads. To me it looks like it you have three major paths. The first is to explain that years of neglect have taken there toll and even though today he is wonderful, the damage is done and you don't love him any more. This will come with extensive consequences. The second is to keep your mouth shut, bare it, but discuss issues of trying to rekindle affections. After 10 years this is not an uncommon issue. Or third, With the intention of remaining together as a relationship of convenience. This works for some but also can have devistating issues such as infidelity but sometimes it is to much to let all the support go.
you gotta pull out, or the misery you are feeling will start to affect the child. Rather her grow up in a world where although her parents are in different houses etc, at least they can maintain a healthy relationship, where-as you feeling how you're feeling and staying in the relationship would mean your child would maybe see that as normal and this would damage her in the future. Your responsibilities have changed, any anyway you'll soon find happiness again!
You told your spouse there was an issue in your relationship, and as you said he did a complete turn around. Telling me that he loves you and your children very much. Instead of letting this problem run away with your thoughts, you should have brought it up sooner rather than later. Now because you feel you went through all this alone, you are having harsh feelings towards hubby, the man who changed his way when you brought this problem to his attention. I am not saying what he did was right, because it wasn't. But it seems you could have prevented all of this with some good old fashion communication. Guys are not the brightest crayon in the box. I can attest to that. I know myself that unless it is brought to my attention.. 75% of the time I am not aware that there is an issue. If your hubby was hanging with friends, and you said nothing to him. Then He, and about 85% of the male population would not think there was a problem. I can understand why you feel the way you do, but I also must say you are equally responsible by not communicating. Your feeling were a direct result of not communicating, and keeping things inside. And now your hubby is going to pay the ultimate price because sex with him is repulsive to you because of the way you feel, when all along you held the key to solve the problem, and didn't use it. Best of luck God Bless
I have been married fo 40 years. A similar thing happened in our relationship after only a couple of years being married. He drank and was verbally abusive to me and at times down right mean. Hed has done an about face for the past 20 years and I feel the same way as you do. The thought of him touching me gets me sick. All the abuse I took form him has left me hurt and cold. We live together like brother and sister. Years of resentment can change a heart.
It can be done and all you need to do is to let it go. You are having trouble with it and so you need help with resolving your deep seated anger with him. You can hold on to it and ruin your marriage or try letting it go and perhaps be happy once again. If you really cannot get over this, then it is time to end the relationship and move on with your life to find what will make you happy. I think that you can be happy where you are if you find forgiveness in your heart and get over your anger.
Sounds like you two need to sit down and discuss this for the sake of you both. You are both making each other miserable and life is too short to do that. Try a separation for awhile without seeing each other or having contact. See if that changes your feelings, if not, then its time to move on with your life and your kids life. You should and deserve to be happy but only you can make that decision.
i'm sorry to say it but when it's gone it's gone it's never coming back no matter how hard u try i was in a similar situation myself with my husband we are now separated.and u said his attitude has changed but u still feel the resentment the only thing u could do now is tell him how u feel,and u said u already had counseling? anyway let him know the situation and see what he thinks.
Slow down, with your situation sex will come back with changes you need to work on. You ask and receive but you don't change? Ok here's your deal. Through 9 years of a lifestyle, whether you want to believe or pretend, you are like him. He ignored you and you in your mind are blocking him. If he has changed and is what you wanted then be what he wants. Give and receive. Tell him what's going on inside that you know that there are walls. That you are working on them and re-fall in love! Don't allow your mind to 'get back at him' in your own way. Open up do things for him that are different and yet something he would like. He hangs with his friends, invite them over for the superbowl and prepare some food. Valentines is coming up, I know you got kids, so when they go to bed play a game, monopoly, trivia. Have fun with him and soon enough, the fun will be back in the bed!
It sounds like you need to move on. If you have already had counseling and you are certain there is no hope then you need to get a divorce and start building a new life for you and your daughter. A lot of men finally step up and do what's right when they fear losing their spouse, usually by then it is too late. I know from experience what it is like to be repulsed at the mere thought of having sex with your spouse, it was like that for me during my first marriage, he was the original Mr. Party Hardy and we had two babies at home to raise and I was in school, finally when I packed our things and left him he came around and I moved back in but we divorced shortly after I was finished with school, I got remarried 3 years later and have never been happier, our 13th anniversary is February 14th of this year.
Well, i still dont get how you could work hard for the marriage and then for him to change just so you can turn around and say u dont love him???





Thats a tough one, i cant imagine what your going through since i have never gone through this myself. but one thing i can tell you is that if you have felt like this for a while, you should have spoken to him as soon as u felt this way. I cant stand having to tell everyone that COMMUNICATION is the key to a succcesful marriage.





Well, i know i wasnt much help but i just thought i would let you know what i thought of your situation.





Good Luck!
Oh my goodness...you really are in a jam, aren't you? Ok. So you went to counseling and realized you don't love him anymore. Are you completely against divorce? Nowhere did you mention it, so I wonder if that is an option for you. If it isn't, I'd say you need a lot more counseling, on your own. If he has straightened up and is doing everything you need him to do, but you still feel nothing for him, then the problem is now yours to contend with. I feel terrible for you, and wish there was a quick fix answer for you, but I'm afraid there's not. You will have to talk to a therapist about your feelings for him and see if there may be any hope down the road. Good luck honey.
listen that happens , give it time , i know what you feel like everytime you see him you just want to slap him and you dont like being aruond him and you want to avoid him right , well if it is then just seroiusly give it time it happened to me , try to push the bad thoughts away from your mind go along with him if he says i love you say i love you too and keep trying to convinse your self that you do , dont ignore him and try looking at the postiive things about him if he annoys you its okay ignore those things , acctually talk to him talk to him about everything that he does that makes you dis like him and that bothers you about him but dont say you 'hate' him and then you neevr know you might love him again more than before just have think postive !
well i sympathize with you. It's seems that your have some hard choices to make. If you want to make it work with your husband


then you have to let go off all that anger towards him. And understand we all make mistakes. But on the other hand if you are totally out of love with him , then you need to separate or divorce. B/c it's not fair to him or you to stay in a unhappy marriage


Good Luck Hope this helps
If you have already done the counseling and have realized that you no longer love him even though he has changed for the better. Then it's time to move on, some times resentment is stronger than love and that's because the hurt you went through was far too much to just set it a side and pretend that everything is fine. Maybe talk to your counselor without him and tell the counselor the feelings that you are having, perhaps there is a way that he/she can help you get past it.... Good luck!