Should she live with her married lover if he splits with his wife?

My friend's married lover has been talking to her lately about them having a future together. She is single. He has been married 17 years. He is thinking about coming clean with his wife and asked my friend if he were free to be with her, would she want a future with him. She is in two minds because of the saying once a cheater always a cheater. I know of cases where people cheated on their spouses, left them for someone else, and stayed faithful to their new partner. My friend really loves the guy, but it would be a huge change for her (because before she met him she had been single for a long time) and it would be a huge commitment. My friend is worried that when he tells people they are together, everyone will hate her for being the other woman and call her a home-wrecking wh0re, etc.; but her lover had already cheated on his wife before he met her, and he was the one who instigated their affair. He will defend her, I'm sure and say that if anyone should be hated it is him...but she is apprehensive about things such as what if his wife confronts her and makes a scene, or what if she calls her house, etc. I'm interested in hearing any advice on how she can best deal with all the repercussions if he comes clean and leaves his wife.Should she live with her married lover if he splits with his wife?
Actually I think the guy should go ahead and tell is wife. Then take it from there. Evidently something was wrong in his marriage. If he were to stay with his wife it wouldn't be fair to her if he has feeling for your friend. Just because he cheated on his wife doesn't mean he will cheat on your friend. Though he might who knows but that is a chance your friend will have to take. If this mans relationship is not working why stay in it. Like I said it not fair to all involved. Actually If I were in her shoes I wouldn't move. What goes on is there business. I can't stand hearing people call someone whor-- or homewreckers. They have to remember that is she single and he is married. Like they say you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink it.Should she live with her married lover if he splits with his wife?
Ask has still wait until this married man get divorced and then start to think about her dreams, and what is the reason that this man wants to divorce his wife?? is there any serious problems between, has this man any kids???if divorce is because of this girl so be sure again will cheat her. but if divorce has sdifferent mutual reasons, so then if they love eachother lets they go together. people always will talk.
You have gotten way ahead of yourself. Your friend needs to handle this as it really happens.


Her married lover told her he was ';thinking'; about telling his wife. But he hasn't yet.


Your friend needs to be careful. If he leaves his wife he needs a place to go.


Tell your friend to deal with them as they/if occur.
Truthfully I don't think you need friends like this or to get embroiled in their sordid problems. You don't win anything worth having when it comes at the expense of another but that's her lesson to learn %26amp; trust me she will. Just stay out of this mess. That's your best bet.
Why not?





And in a couple years, he can leave her for a new bimbo too.





Hey, he obviously has no problem being a lying, cheating, deceitful, disrespectful bastard.





What makes her think she will be treated any different?
Once a cheater always one. Your friend may be all the great things you say BUT in ';love'; it all goes out the window. If she is concerned about the fall out then I think she has the answer.
it is her life. she will do whatever she is gunna do no matter how many red flags she chooses to ignore.





just be her friend and support her when she gets her head out of the clouds.
Sure, your friend should. If she has absolutely no sense of self worth at all.





But we already know she doesn't, since she took up with a married man.
If she actually wants to create a future with this guy, she's in for a rude awakening.
That's way too much to frek'n


read on here...But no


he is a cheater the relationship


with him will never be real...
the situation is already screwed up ! you may as well move in and finish the job !
If he cheats with her, he will cheat on her!
I say do it after he gets a divorce. then move far away to have peace of mind.
Bad Karma has a way of collecting payment when you least expect it.





You said if anyone should be hated, it's him. How did being the other woman, make your friend the victim?





I think your friend should live with this guy. She should experience what it's like to live with this guy and have him cheat on her. Then she will truly realize that the mistress is never the victim, she's the home wrecker.





Did you honestly think you could come on this site talking about your friend sleeping with a married man and no one would put her down?





Sorry, I can't give you advice on how your friend can protect her self from people when they find out what she did. You create bad Karma, you have to pay.
she has to decide if its worth all the drama that goes with something like this and yes the wife is going to blame her know matter what is the real reason but honestly he doesn't sound like a real good, honest husband material your friend has to decide if the relationship is worth all the drama that is going to go with it but if she really thinks they can make it she will just have to jump in with both feet and go for it and not worry about what ever one thinks when it comes right down to it all that matters is what you think of yourself
It doesn't matter what he did before (other than being a serial cheater). If he leaves his marriage now for your ';friend,'; then she IS the other woman and the home-wrecking whOre. And, yes, people will see her that way, even though he's the one who cheated on his spouse. Yes, there could be messy public confrontations with the wife, angry phone calls, harrassment, etc. He's better off moving into his own place for six months or so to allow things to cool off with the wife before going public with the new relationshp. You notice how he's arranged a nice cushy landing for himself in bailing out his marriage? He made sure he had someone else on the side ahead of time to support him before dumping the wife and leaving her emotionally devastated. Your friend isn't much better for knowingly having an affair with a married man, so perhaps they are well-matched. But she risks further damaging her own reputation in going public with a man who is likely to cheat even more once he's free of his marriage.
';but her lover had already cheated on his wife before he met her';





If that isn't enough of a screaming red STOP sign for her, then the only way she's going to learn is by moving in with him.





When he starts cheating on her too, maybe the lightbulb will go off.





Not that he's ever actually likely to leave his wife and get a divorce - odds are it's all talk to keep her satisfied with being the free piece of a$s on the side.
So if your friend tells her married lover, ';No,'; that she isn't interested in taking up residency with him if he leaves his wife, then the guy just stays with his wife, right?





This guy is like a monkey. A monkey always has a hold of the next branch before letting go of the other branch. If he were a real man, he would move out and file for divorce, without needing another woman as a crutch (and making your friend appear to be the other woman). I'll bet you if your friend tells him, ';No,'; that this guy will find another mistress. He's only with her for the ego boost anyway.
I agree that once a cheater always a cheater. He has been sleeping with 2 women the whole time, and now he says he wants to choose one of them. I wouldn't trust him, but she must have been hopeful for a long time that she would finally be the only one. it may be something she just needs to go through to get to the other side. I don't have high hopes for it working out, but there has to be closure/lessons/validation...





Who cares what other people think or say... they need to mind their own business, anyone who can't is just a drama-hen. Dealing with the ex is unavoidable, and if the ex gets psycho, restraining orders are useful. She has to do what she thinks would make her happy but she should wait to live with him until he has made the divorce final. living together is so much bigger than sleeping together. She still has to look out for herself.





BTW - I do not think sleeping with a married man is a great idea, but she's not a home wrecker....This guy is stepping out and if it was not her it would have been someone else. My ex cheated on me, but I was happy to finally be able to prove it so I could tell him to F-off... I knew I deserved someone who treated me better.
Well, how would people know that she is the ';other woman';unless she or he has told them or lets them know this information? And, if she really and truly loves him, it shouldn't matter to her what other people think.


I'm not one to condone what your friend is doing, but I truly believe that people should do what makes them happy. Life is too short to have ';what ifs'; in it.


If it really bothers her, then she should wait until his divorce is final before she makes such a commitment. This will give her some time to think about if this is what she really wants.


Tell your friend that here are some couples who were in similar situations that made it work:


1. Julia Robert's husband was married to someone else when they had an affair. She got the man and they have twins and have been married for years.


2. Angelina Jolie stole Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Anniston. They do have their ups and downs, but I believe they are in it for the long haul.


3. LeeAnn Rimes just stole her new boyfriend away from his wife. She was also married when they started their affair. They are now together.





Again, not saying that its right, but it happens. None of these people seem to care what other people think.
Hate to say HE may need a place to stay if he decides to ask his wife for a divorce. Sorry to say that when 'the other woman' and their relationship before the divorce becomes apparent, they will be shunned by friends of 'the couple' and his family too. Don't expect his ex-wife to make her life comfortable either. She may at first withdraw from the shock, but then you can expect her to get vindictive and confrontational after the shock wears off.





Your friend is right to go into this with her eyes wide open since not only did he cheat BEFORE and DURING his marriage, but that is a clear indication of their future. You must realize that the sad fact is that marriages to 'the other woman' have a higher divorce rate than the average marriage.
Too f'n funny...she's a troll, in my mind that doesn't make her gorgeous, she's a troll, in my mind that doesn't make her very educated, in fact that makes her even dumber,because she thinks the guy wont cheat on her, and he's already has with his wife of 17 year at least two times that I know of.





And yes knocking your so called ';friend'; is constructive because maybe someone in the same situation will read my words and make a better decision then your so called ';friend';.





Really what kind of friend are you?
He cheated before-he stayed with the wife. He's 'talking' futures now-still sleeping next to the Mrs. He wont ever leave his wife, because she tolerates his infidelity. SOme women do, some don't. He will cheat on your friend if he ever leaves, but she shouldn't hold her breath. When someone is so unhappy in a marriage that hey want a future with another, know what they do? They separate and date, not date a few women while still married. She should stay away. She will be called a home wrecker and deserves that title. So, if she wants to be known as the home wrecker, and then be at home while he's out with another home wrecking hoochie, it's karma, after all, then yeah, she should do it.
Personally no, you better believe that deep down your friend will eventually have to face the fact that he was with his wife for 17 yrs and someone else comes along and it is dissolved she will in fact be the wife wondering if he is faithful to her. Just because he has all of those good qualities the fact remains the same----He is having an affair on his wife and planning on leaving her for another women. You never mentioned once if the guy plans on marrying your friend or just shacking up with her? Well any how, until he leaves his wife, all of this is just speculations anyway.
I cannot stand people who stand by and smile while other people get hurt. So your friend seriously wants to build her ';future'; on the tears and anguish of another woman. You say she is in her 40s. She should know better than to think she will get away with this.





Think up all the excuses and justifications you want. If what they are doing is right why are they so aprehensive. Destroying a 17 year old marriage is plain wrong. I hope he marries her. She deserves him.
You're REALLY into 'your friends' relationship, huh?





What 'your friend' needs to do is stay out of what goes on between this man and his wife. She's already done enough. She should not attempt to 'talk it out' with, or get into any discussions with his wife, nor respond if the wife attempts to draw her in. If this man has children, 'your friend' needs to leave raising them to him and his wife. Chances are very good his wife won't like her, and his children may not either. That's the role this intelligent, blah, blah, woman is getting herself into. The better she is at staying quiet, and out of the spouses business, the better off she weather what going to be the storm of the century.





You shouldn't be too sure this man will NEVER cheat on her. Despite however 'amazing' you may perceive yourself... I mean 'your friend' as being... marriages usually last for years. That's plenty of time for things to go wrong. And him getting divorced to be with her is definitely going to set the marriage up for some rough times. The only thing she can absolutely know for sure are the things he's already demonstrated. One of those things being a history of cheating when the going gets rough.