My husband has blindsided me with a wrong accusation of infidelity. What can I do?

We have been married nearly 10 years. It has not been easy. It's been turbulent and difficult, but I've fought for it time and time again b/c I, point blank, love my husband and want to have a good marriage with him forever. I took my vows with eyes wide open, made them to him and to God. I do not believe that a marriage is disposable. I believe in love, trust, and faithfulness to your spouse.





Over the years I have had to deal with him coming out with, almost annually really, saying that he's not happy, he doesn't think we can ever be happy, that he wants out or thinks it's hopeless, etc. A few years ago he even went so far as to fly more than halfway across the country to California to interview for jobs so that he could leave. Devastated, I told him that he had to make that choice for himself, but that I love him and want to keep our marriage together. He came back a week later and professed that he wanted to be here, with me, and to work on our marriage. I believed him, as I had any other time we'd had that particular fight, and we got along better for a while. But neither of us seems to feel like the other is making any changes. It's a vicious cycle and it hurts every time. I have begged for counseling repeatedly, he refuses, saying that if we can't fix it ourselves then no one can help us. Anyway.....





He recently returned home from staying with his family for two weeks after telling me, once again, that he wanted out accompanied by many very hurtful things about how I didn't mean anything to him anymore. When he got home (they only allowed him two weeks to stay) we talked a lot that night and he told me that he wanted for us to make our marriage better. We had positive, though guarded, conversations and it felt good. The next day he found a cell phone charger plugged into the wall in our bedroom that didn't belong to us. When he came downstairs with it I was on the phone with a close friend. I asked him, ';where'd that come from?';, he said he didn't know, and my friend (still on phone) asked what we were talking about. I told her about the phone charger, describing it to her and saying he'd just found it in the bedroom. She exclaimed, ';holy crap! that's our missing travel charger! I can't believe that's where it's been all this time!'; Turns out, she and her husband had left it at our house NINE MONTHS AGO when they dogsat for us when we went out of town. Matter settled, or so I thought. My husband then decided that he KNEW it wasn't there until after he left two weeks ago, and says that it could only be there because I cheated on him while he was gone. I find it insane that he and I both somehow missed seeing it all that time, you wouldn't think that we could, but that has to be the explanation b/c there has been no one else in our house (at least not that I know of!) and I would NEVER EVER, EVER betray my marriage by cheating. For our entire marriage I have never been in a situation that could even lead to suspicion of infidelity. I don't believe that you should ever do anything that you wouldn't want your spouse to know about. But because of this stupid charger, he know firmly believes that I've cheated and is calling into question everything (working long hours, if I'm really at my book club meeting like I say I am, what I do when he's not home, etc.) over the last 10 years that he never before questioned or had reason to! I keep telling him that I can't prove a negative, it just can't be done, but told him that everything (cell phone, email, whatever) is an open book. None of that matters to him, he says that I've just deleted things to hide them. I haven't. I have nothing to hide. I have not lied to him, I have not betrayed him or my marriage. What do I do?My husband has blindsided me with a wrong accusation of infidelity. What can I do?
Listen. This man is no longer happy with you and is looking at any excuse to leave. This whole cell thing is insulting beyond belief. Give him what he wants and beat him to the punch. File for divorce-no warning. Make his head spin and get on with your life. He is nuts and a drama queen to boot. If you don't file, he is.My husband has blindsided me with a wrong accusation of infidelity. What can I do?
Accusers often project on to you what they are doing or want to do. I admire you for wanting to keep it together but what are you keeping together? He doesn't seem to know what he wants.





Yesterday's soup warmed over is still the same soup unless you add something new to it.


What is he doing everytime he leaves and returns? Is he wiser, more caring, more determined to work it out after his ''time outs?'' Get counseling and suggest that he attends.
He might be feeling finger-pointy for other reasons. And you can't force him to go to counseling to work out those issues, but you can go yourself. I do recommend that. Sometimes you can't prevent a separation. I'm sorry to say that, but it's the truth.





He's probably wanting to blame you because he needs to feel better about himself for wanting to leave you. That's how he's coping. All you can do is know deep inside that you did what you could to save your marriage and know that you were 100% dedicated and faithful.





I went through a separation where my husband accused me of cheating (only to find out HE was the one cheating) and I can say I'm a person that honors commitment and respects the relationship I'm in.
He is STILL looking for a way to get out of this marriage. I don't know why - but I'm sure you have done all you can do. God knows this and it's not your fault if he chooses to walk away. Even iron wears thin. I'm so sorry you are going through this with your husband and I'm sure a lot of readers feel the same way. Surprisingly, I read an article yesterday that polled many women and the results were that close to 50% of married women wish they were single again....and around 65% of single women wish they were married (that's me, the single one who doesn't want to be alone). What a lot of people don't realize is when you're married you are one person, an individual created by God, who then becomes a whole unit with another person (bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh) and when you break apart, you are still that one whole person but you've lost half of who you've become. So when your husband continues to leave, he's leaving because he wants to feel like a whole person but he's leaving behind half of himself. He needs to understand that he IS a unique and special person, God's blessed creation, and that he is becoming an even BETTER person when he becomes one with another. Marriage is not bondage, it's a blessing and he hasn't come to grips with that ideology as of yet. Keep praying for your husband as a person and also as your ';half'; and hopefully one day soon he will see the light.
sorry love, but he is looking for a way out, and this accusation gives him (he thinks) a good excuse to do that, why hang on, it is noty going to get better, and deep down u already know that.
Only you know why you have repeatedly tortured yourself by staying with this abusive child in a man's body, but if you want to call that love, by all means.





However, now he's got you over a barrel and you seem to think you have to come up with a way to defend yourself. Bottom line, you didn't do anything and how dare he, how really dare he accuse you of something. What I think you should do is tell him you've told him the truth and if he doesn't believe you, then by all means pack his bags and get the hell out of your life. What I think you will do is lie down and let him walk all over you again in the name of your marriage vows. Vows are two way, and he apparently didn't make the same ones you did.





I wish you well, but I don't think you've had enough.