Why do we always settle for less than we deserve?

Ok so I know I can do better. But I have always tended to settle into relationships with people who do not deserve me. I always say this is the last time but then it never really is. I want to change. I don't wanna settle for a spouse who will make me cry at night; I don't want to have to deal with alcoholism, cheating and all the other drama.





I want someone honest and true. Someone who really does care for me and who will be there for me when times get hard. Someone who will appreciate my romantic gestures. I tend to like to write poetry and letters at times to express how I feel.





I am still young. I am in my early 20s. How do I change? I don't want to be the girl who gets stepped on and broken always :( What do I do?Why do we always settle for less than we deserve?
Be more critical about the guy when you meet him. This may sound silly, but you should make a list (actually write it down) of what exactly you want in a guy. How much time do you want to spend together? What do you want him to do for you? What do you want to do together? What do you want in his personality? Answer everything, describe everything you can think of.





Now, next time you think you've found someone, go through your checklist. Does he match most of your criteria? You need to stay strong and stick with your list and how you want to be treated. Many people get caught up in the prospect of a possible relationship and don't pay attention to little warning signs that may be there, even at the beginning.





I know I'm going to go against what I just said, but you also need to not follow your list hardcore and to the exact letter. Sometimes people become a little too picky when it comes to finding someone, and then it gets really, really difficult to actually find anyone.





There are other things to consider too when meeting someone:


-Have they ever cheated before? If they have, it may be easier for them to do so again. They may have commitment issues.


-If they drink too much, don't bother going into the relationship unless they swear to turn sober and take action immediately. And if he doesn't, then drop him. Alcoholism is a major thing, and is not something to be ignored. If they're not willing to give it up, then they're not worth it.





No one has to settle for someone that's less than they deserve. There's someone out there for you that's perfect, that will treat you right, and that will honestly think the world of you and would do anything and everything for you.





Good luck! Stay strong! I have confidence that you will find someone perfect.Why do we always settle for less than we deserve?
I have heard that men tend to enjoy this more as they get older, but my husband is 24 and he is way into the romantic gestures (more than I am, really).


I guess that it is a completely individual thing, and you just have to keep looking for that special someone. Just be patient. I endured the type of crappy relationships that you are describing until I was 34 years old.


One final piece of advice, and that is to not judge a book by its cover. I found the love of my life in a package that I never would have expected. My husband is fourteen years younger than I am. I almost didn't date him, because of the age thing. That would have been the biggest mistake of my life. We have been together almost five years, and married almost one.


You seem to be way smarter than I ever was at your age, so I think that you will be fine.


Good luck to you. I hope I've helped.
I think we do it out of the fear no one else will come along.


If you wanna stop this behavior, you already know how, just stop. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve. Really think about who you are and what you need in a relationship.
man up?
insecurity and the fear of losing out or being alone
Stop dating men that need ';fixing';. It's a bad habit women get into. They think that if they are good enough or do the right thing then the guys will straighten up and fly right.





Maybe you need to take a look at where you are finding these guys? Do you need to broaden your interests to find men that are more worthy? If you are still meeting men at the bar or club...then you're not going to find a very high quality of men there.





You need some relationship goals. And goals are just dreams until you write them down and do something about them.


First step is to sit down and really decide what you will and will not accept from a man in a relationship. Is it okay if he has kids? How old? What looks do you like? What kind of a job should he have? Education should be a priority!, What kind of beliefs should he have? What kind of family should he come from? Smoke or not smoke? Drink or not drink? church or no church? You need to decide what you will and will not accept in all these areas BEFORE you start dating anyone else.


Then, when you start dating again, if a guy does not meet your criteria, DON'T even go on one date with him. Why waste your time?


If you are looking for a man for a relationship, you have to approach it more practically and with some goals in mind. Do your research and write down you goals.


If you fail to plan...you plan to fail...
I love this quote...';The minute you settle for less than you deserve...you get less than you settled for';


You are one step ahead of the game now. You arer aware you do this. So many people men and women...donot even comprehend how self destructive they are.


I think it happens cause of childhood drama.


The only way to beat it is to see a therapist that can help you unbury all this deep rooted pain you have. Someone in your past beat you up emotionally.


Im really proud of you for reaching out and wanting to fix it. YOu are going to be ok because you want to be. Hange in there and find a way to get therapy. It will help if you find a great therapist.


Take care and wait till you can get that guy that treats you lke the queen you know you are.
wtf?
I would suggest getting my book and looking at the index for the word ';love'; and reading the information I have written there. book details found at http://sagehope.wordpress.com that book is about sexual attraction and addiction, however I have included in it the core information on love. anyway, um you don't have to settle for anything less. :) by for now.
are you really that much better than the people you date?
You are letting fear of the unknown get in your way. You know and familiar with what you have now, even though you are not happy with it. But you tell yourself it beats getting something else that may be worst. So you settle.





In any situation this is a defeatist attitude.





The only way to get anywhere in life is to be willing to change for something better. Of course, you will be afraid, because it is something new. But fear is a part of life. Babies feel a little fear when they start to walk and fall. But feel the fear and learn to walk anyway. As an adult, you do the same.
I know what you need. You need a life size fully functional KEN DOLL. That way you can program


him to be a total wuss that you can exert POWER over! Dominate him totally spank his......, Sorry got carried away.





To find Mr. Right and not Mr Dork you need to date and date and date. Not sleeping around. Stay away from trailer parks and biker bars. Want to be really smart? Check out his family after few dates. Just casually. If divorced or married 5 times and he has 30 step siblings give him a pass.





Next, go date college grads. Make more money and at least have working brain cells. Unless they were Sigma Nus. We burned all cells years ago.





Date Men not boys. When time to get serious get counseling after being engaged for at least 1.6 years. Stay away from Men with violent jobs. Your looking for college prof types that dig that poetry jaz. Also be ware of gays. They like it too and some marry just to inherit.
Different reasons, really. Some do it because they think it IS all they deserve, others do it because they are afraid it will be all they ever get. You shouldn't have to settle at all..or deal with any of those things you mentioned. You are still young...be careful in choosing who you are with, and don't settle. If the guy does not have the qualities you are looking for in a man, then wait for the next one. There are some good guys out there.
You sound like my best mate and the advise i give her is never be too nice and adapt to there ways, treat em mean keep em keen is my best saying its always worked for me, its sad but life is all about game playing in relationships act like your not to arsed about what they do even if its killing you inside to a certain degree not if there cheating i mean but let em know hos boss ( your way or the high way!) good luck hun dint take nooooo ****..
You settle for less than you deserve because you're a female. Don't take this the wrong way but a very high percentage of women do exactly what you're doing. What they say they want and what you see them with in always two different things. Sure you may want that big house on the golf course, but homie on the street corner is cool and he says you're cute, so off you go. Do you think you're going to get that house on the golf course with homie's help? You'll be lucky if you get a 1 bedroom apartment on the absolute worst side of town.