I need advice on a very sticky situation. SERIOUS answers please!?

My problem is very complicated, but I will try my best to explain it as best as I can.





I was raped by a relative who is about 5 years older than I. We were drinking at a family party with other family members, and he had insisted on taking me home afterwards since he hardly drank and was busy making some sick plan in his mind to rape me.





Anyways, he did not take me home but took me to a motel instead where he repeatedly had sex with me while I was very intoxicated. In the morning upon waking up sober, he forced himself on me even though I kept telling him no and begging him to stop!





He wouldn't listen but threatened me that he would tell everyone that I came onto him if I were to tell anyone. He spent a great deal of time convincing me that I had no choice in the matter and that we were now lovers whether I liked it or not.





He then took me home, but continued to call me all hours of the day to check on what I was doing and to make sure that I did not talk to anyone.





Here's the worst part of it, he is already married and so am I. Our spouses had no idea what had happened and I was too scared to tell anyone, I felt disgusted and dirty.





Well I became pregnant and it is against my beliefs to abort an innocent life, so I kept the child, which made my then husband leave me. So I became seperated with my husband and ont he other hand was stalked by my cousin!





To make matters even worst, he is not only just a cousin, but my first cousin! He had cheated on his wife for so long with so many other women, but the difference is that I am his cousin!!!!!





His wife gives him the boot, around the same time I was patching things up with my husband. (Whom bless his heart, still loved me enough to care for another man's child!)





In all of the goings on, the father of my baby moves himself into my home, telling me that he needs my help and wants to marry me. He tells me that I should do it for the sake of our child, etc.





The problem is that I am fearful of him because I am a very tiny person and he is a big man. I am intimidated by his size and his temper.





He really forces his way and his life upon me and I feel like he is ruining life and tearing it apart, trying to make me feel guilty for everything! Including not helping him!





My husband and I were not able to get together like we had planned, since my cousin has forced his way back into my life! Don't get me wrong, I have attempted 3 times to kick him out of my home, but he keeps coming back and asking for another chance.





I am so miserable and I do not even love him like a wife should! In fact, each day I wake up to look at him, I think of a brother!!! I do love him for the fact he is the father of my child, but it's just not right!!!!





I am so sicekned by all of this, but am too afraid to try anything else and don't want to be abused or worst by him.





Can a relationship with a cheater who also happens to be your first cousin ever develop into anything more? I would also lie to mention that our child is not deformed or retarde in anyway, infact he is very smart for his age and progressing above average, so please no incestuous jokes or remarks about that.





This is a serious problem and I need to find a peaceful way out of this and how can I explain to my husband whom I love that I really want to be with him and not the crazy lunatic who is living in my home?I need advice on a very sticky situation. SERIOUS answers please!?
I hope you undestand that this is not a marriage. You are not his wife, and you have no obligation to feel or act like one. You owe him nothing. Less than nothing. He raped you. He is treating you like he has taken ownership of you. You are his victim. His slave. His hostage. Not his wife. Not his lover. The peaceful way out is the way that protects you and your child, period.





Your husband should be helping you if he loves you. But it is not any man who will rescue you. It is you. There are people who can help. If you want your husband to know you're serious about him, you need to prove it by doing reasonable and necessary things. If you do the things that help YOU, those things will solve the problem of your husband understanding. Following is an explanation of those things with as much clarity as I can manage.





Okay, listen to me please.





If you want to call me, email me at thegoddess38464@yahoo.com.





Please check out these links:





http://www.google.com/search?client=oper鈥?/a>





http://www.google.com/search?client=oper鈥?/a>





http://www.google.com/search?hl=en%26amp;clien鈥?/a>





(SORRY! Yahoo took out most of the link addresses. Search 24 hour rape hotlines. Search PTSD, Shock,Rape. Search Stockholm Syndrome.Search signs of abusive relationships. )





The fact that he is your cousin has absolutely nothing to do with this, and no bearing on the issue whatsoever.





Imagine for a moment that he was not your cousin, and you had not had strong ties to him your entire life.





What kind of relationship starts with a rape? You should have called the police when it happened. You still can. I am not saying you should have like you're a bad person for not doing it. I know why you didn't. For one thing, he's a relative, and we're all a little funny when it comes to family. We let them get away with a lot. For another thing, you were attacked. Rape is not sex. Rape is a serious act of violence. I've heard it put this way... You can't beat someone over the head with a frying pan and call it cooking. You can't attack someone using force and your penis and call it sex, or call them your lover. You are not his lover. You are someone he violently attacked. This was physical and emotional abuse and one of the worst kinds.





There is no doubt whatever that you have post traumatic stress disorder. Your question exhibited many signs. I have post traumatic stress disorder after witnessing a bloody violent murder, and I do not believe that what I saw is nearly as bad (for me,) as what you experienced. But I DO know what PTSD is, and you are going through it right now. You are too in shock to deal with this man. You are too in shock to know what to do. You are not making rational decisions that will protect you because you are operating on auto pilot. You identify with your attacker, which happens, and it is understandable. It is a survival mechanism. Not only have you been brutally violated, but you are being held hostage, stalked, and controlled by fear tactics. You are in danger. You do not know what kind of danger you are in. He may not kill you, but he is killing your spirit. You have to take care of yourself. You have to take care of the child. You have to fight back.





He MUST NOT KNOW that you plan to do anything. Make a plan, and get out, no matter what you have to do. Do it without his knowledge, preferably when he's out for long enough that you're long gone by the time he gets back. You need a safe house for a while. Maybe a domestic violence shelter. Maybe a house of a friend or relative. You know what? You can come stay at my house.





That child is not his child. That child is your child, and the child of the man who loves him. Love makes parents. Rapists, stalkers, and abusers do not know what love is. I'm sorry. He does not. Get out. Look in your phone book for domestic violence shelters. They will keep you safe, give you counseling so you can heal, and help you rebuild your life. You need to be there with your child so you can both be safe until you are past the shock. You are not past the shock.





Men who exhibit this kind of behavior often will molest and rape small children of any sex and age. I guarantee you are not the only woman he's raped, abused, stalked, and attempted to control. I don't know how I can be sure to get through to you the reality of your situation, because I know what kind of shock and denial you are in. I've been there. But please, if not for you, for the child, and for women he'll attack in the future, please read the information in the links, and please consider what I'm saying.





Get out. Consider having him prosecuted. The statute of limitations to prosecute a rape is 10 years, but if there were other crimes, it is extended. There were other crimes. Also, when the victim is too in shock and controlled to come forward for a period of time, the statute is sometimes lifted. I know... I KNOW you don't want to hurt him and ruin his life. But look what he's done to you. This won't be the end of it. Please hear me.I need advice on a very sticky situation. SERIOUS answers please!?
get your husband to read what you just wrote.... and go to the police about your cousin, he has ruined your life....
im sorry i couldnt help... i could only bear to read half of ur story... thats ****ed up! im sorry.
First you need to call the your husband and tell him what happened and i mean everything, it sounds to me like he would understand. then call the cops and have your cusion arrested and get a restraining order have your husband move in and try to get some counseling to help you with the whole situation also have your husband go with you for support


good luck and i hope you prevail
If you don't do something about this whole situation, you'll suffer, mentally as well as in terms of being able to have relationships.





You should report this rapist cousin of yours to the police. You have a child who will provide proof of what he did. If he raped his own cousin, who's saying who else he's already raped or will rape. He is already trying to control you and your life. Kick him out of the house - he is scum and should NOT be in your life at all. Don't even think of carrying on a relationship with him - he has already proved to be totally unsuitable as a prospective partner.





If you want to be with your proper husband, you need to tell him too, and make it clear that what you need from him is support, not for him to be an extra burden. Seek marriage guidance/counselling if need be.





Most important of all, through all this, love your child. I don't know how old he/she is but kids can pick up on emotional turmoil. The child may think if you're rejecting the cousin/father thn you'll reject the child too.





Get the support of your family and true friends and send that disgusting excuse for a cousin to jail where he belongs.
In all honesty, I didn't and couldn't read the whole thing. From what I did read, you seem to let people use you for their own sefl-satisfaction and you don't retaliate. Babygirl, pull your self-worth out of the trash and stand up for yourself because if you don't, well, this kind of crap is going to continue. Now as to the rape, you better report that crap and let the chips fall where they may. You are better than what you give yourself credit for and you better start giving those that walk all over your your behind to kiss. I am putting you in prayer for ';strength'; to be sent your way and please, please never forget, that you are just as important and worthy of being respected and treated as such. God Bless.
have him thrown in jail i im glad you kept your baby because its not your babys fault love it like a mother should
Honey, you need some SERIOUS HELP!! This lunatic has messed with your head so much that you don't know up from down anymore!


You need to go to your local police dept., tell them your entire story, and they will get him out of your home!


Then, go to your husband, and tell him the entire story, and I'll bet he will be more than willing to come back home to take care of you and the baby!


Then, all of you will need to seek some counselling to help you and your husband get your marriage back on track and to help you put all the anger and emotional trauma of the rape behind you as much as one can!


Good luck to you!
If he wont leave you need to simple as that.


Put the house up for sale we are in a recession you can buy a new house easily


so get out now


it sucks that your life is sooo screwed
first of all you need to go to the cops if he wont leave your house. Get an order of protection. Press rape charges. And if your ';husband was a real man he would kick the livin S**T out of your cousin.
Go to your husband Try to convince him You love him And you have an error .Prior to this Cut your relationship with your cousin





Take your husband and Get Out .chI am ange Place of residence.I am so sorry for you
You answered your own question at the end.


You are trying to ';find a peaceful way out of this';. You cannot and will not ever find a peaceful solution to something that started out as savage and brutal as the way this started.


You are trying to sustain a lie. You are doing everything you can to protect everyone around you except YOU!


At what point do you think it would be appropriate for ';him'; to be held accountable for his actions? Why is it that you feel that YOU should be the one being held accountable for his actions?


Yeah. This will be really tough. Gather your forces around you including the police and the courts and stand up for yourself.


As long as you continue to hide behind this false belief in ';peace'; - you will never find healing.





I would offer that you have a huge piece of this irresponsibility because it was you that got drunk in the first place. Your words above show no sign of personal responsibility in this. You, like most people that get into trouble because of drugs/alcohol usually try to shift the blame for the illicit behavior over to the drugs/alcohol instead of taking full responsibility and accountability for YOUR OWN ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOR!


This is why you want to find a peaceful solution. Otherwise, you will have to face the truth that the reason all this happened was because of YOU!





There is a way out and you don't see it.
Explain to your husband what really took place. Tell him that you really love him and you are willing to take it into the hands of the law. If you want to be in peace with your husband, then put this lunatic away for repeated rape, sexual harassment and stalking to end this nightmare. I can tell you love your husband and this was never your fault. Ask your husband to kick his *** out. Meanwhile put a Restraining Order on this maniac. Let him go to prison so he can get raped time after time and see how it feels.





PS. Save this present page and let your husband have a good look at it. Also make a printable copy just in case, it might help you in court. Personally, I feel for you and your husband, but mostly you. Do not hessitate. Do what you have to do. Save your marriage.





We are with you. Please be storng. I will pray for you until I hear different. God bless you. God I'm upset!
i think you should show this page to your husband, maybe he dosnt realise how in deep you are, i would report the cousin to the police asap. move far far away and let your other family members know whats going on, secretly tape ur cousin threatning you or something ( nanny cam or audio) for proof. do something! stand up for urself!.
GO TO YOUR EX OR CURRENT HUSBAND!!he needs to know!both of you are supposed to be honest to each other and if he knew the truth then he might change his mind..im so sorry this happened to you and im very glad you didnt abort your child,,its not the childs fault who the father his and it happened and you cant go back in time...this is NOTTTT your fault at all.how old are you and your cousin?











i hope you tell him the truth he needs to know p.s this isnt your fault at all and im not saying this like it is your fault





good luck i hope everything goes well
tell him the truth how you feel and also what happen to you. your husband should understand why you kept it from him. just tell him you really love him and want to be with him and not the crazy *** whole. well i hope you do the right thing. good luck