How do you overcome a SEXLESS marriage other than divorce or cheating?

In the last year my husband has stopped sharing our bed, having sex with me and ALL intimacy due to other marital issues. This is NOT my choice.





Is divorce or cheating ever an option? What are logical but, hopeful ways of dealing with this. How long should a spouse wait for the other to come around?





How common is this for couples in their 30's?How do you overcome a SEXLESS marriage other than divorce or cheating?
I would tell him counseling or separation. That isn't a marriage.How do you overcome a SEXLESS marriage other than divorce or cheating?
Since you said that the main cause was other marital issues it implys that there is hope to restore the intimacy of your marriage if those issues are overcome. I personally feel cheat and divorce are NEVER an option. Good quote from the movie ';the mexican'; .....if you truely truely love someone when do you get to the point where enough is enough? the answer is NEVER';


I would suggest counseling, individual for both of you and couple's. First talk to him about it, then discuss therapy as an option to overcome your other marital issues and see where that takes you. I believe it's common for married couples in their 30's to loose that little extra ';spice'; of ';love';. Every married couple hits hurdles that can be hard to overcome but if you two work together instead of against on another to overcome the other issues there is hope for you to regain the sex and intimacy in your marriage.


Good luck to you!
This can happen when there are young children being raised. Often the couple becomes wrapped up in being mommy %26amp; daddy 24/7 and lose track of being a couple too. Then other marital issues soon become the focus of the marriage. If children are not a factor for you or conflicting work schedules such as he works nights and you days then perhaps it is time for you to get counseling. A sexless marriage is on that will not last long if there is no merit to it such as medical reasons and even then it's a stretch because there are still ways to be intimate with each other and it sounds like you guys don't have that either. Marital counseling or Sex Therapy is in order.
Cheating would be breaking your wedding vows.


Doesn't sound like you are wanting a divorce.





If you want the relationship back, start wooing him. Take him out to dinner and a movie. Put the moves on him. You know, just try and force the issue. If he realllyyy isn't having any of it, try couples counseling.





I mean, he has to love you to have stopped all of that but still stayed married to you. TALK to him! Ask him if he still loves you. Tell him you want the relationship back. Figure out what you as a couple can do to get it there!!





And I don't think it has anything to do with your age.


ADDED


If he doesn't want to have you asked him why?





My heart goes out to you right now.





When my hubby and I were dating and had a huge issue and he pushed me away I fought for it tooth and nail. I was persistant and annoying and I went after the issues until I knew why he felt the way he did and what his ideas were as to resolving the issues. But that doesn't work for eveyrone, some people it will just push them away more. So I don't know..I'm trying to help, i do feel for you.


But keep in mind you guys are still married. There is still that fighting chance.
Sorry to say, this is not common.





If you like it this way, stay and you'll be as happy as you can.





After a year of this, it's become a pattern for him. You aren't part of his lifestyle and definitely not part of his long term marriage plans.





a year? way too long. He already has come around and you just don't realize this. Only one of you is really married in your mind, the other is just sleeping there.





Cheating would make you less of a person, if anything do the honest route. IIt's a divorce and it's not your fault.
Wow. I read every answer and I was thinking why no one was asking or answering the right way. Until I read the last answer. L P has it right. There are two questions rattling around in my head.


1) Has he lost interest in your appearance? Have you gone complacent? Very common. If so, hit the gym and watch your diet. People lie when they say that they are attracted to you. If you know you're not, then neither is he. You must have been at first for him to have married you.





2) Men (unfortunately) now-a-days are becoming more and more submissive. This could be a very big issue if not addressed properly. Is he the dominant one or are you? What does he prefer? Control or be controlled? And don't give me this 50/50 crap. There's only one captain, there's only one chief. It's you or him. Find out which one he is and do the opposite. If you have to swallow your pride, then do so. But do so knowing that you can take pride in that you are saving the relationship. You can make it work. Unless he's cheating on you in which case you should leave him with no questions asked. Good luck and let me know how it goes. J.C.
Do not cheat...breaking your vows against god, is as bad as it gets...





Instead of focusing on what negative impacts you are having from this, try focusing on positives from your marriage as a whole...you didn't get married just to have sex (make love) did you? Ok, so ask your spouse and be sincere, I mean from the heart, what YOU can do to help HIM...remember...marriage is not about you, but about both of you...





Seek together some options....both of you can sit down on the internet and surf some websites, that may offer free consults for such issues...





look places up in the phone book...and if its ED, then groups like THE BOSTON GROUP...maybe your answer.





http://www.bostonmedicalgroup.com/





I wish all the blessings for you and your husband


God bless. :)
Definitely Communication. I recently started sleeping in another room just due to the fact that my husband snores, and moves around a lot. And I have to get a good nights rest for work and such. But that does NOT mean we don't have sex. There is something wrong there. There has got to be a reason why he feels that way. Have you guys just tried sitting down and discussing it. Maybe what you could do to turn him on or what he could do?!





Good Luck To You. I know what it feels like to NOT be wanted. It hurts.
Your marriage is over. You can now either accept a sexless loveless marriage or get a divorce. I guarantee you that a man in his 30's is not going without sex. It's physically impossible. he is either masturbating excessively or getting it elsewhere.


Bottom line: He doesn't want you anymore.
What are the other issues ? Moving out of the bet room and not touching you is a firm of cheating. Has he not left you,? is this not UNFAITHFULNESS ? You don't have to hit your children to be a rotten mother, you can just stop taking care of them. The same with a spouse . You said their other issues, are they worthy of him leaving you ?


jp
From what I can tell this is your husbands problem. There is something going on inside him and you need to figure out what. Counseling is probable your only option at this point. You don't have to suffer either. There are ways other then cheating where you can get sexual pleasure. A vibrator is one option.
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm in my thirties and married and I cant see how a marriage can survive without sex. The only way is if it were a medical reason.Because sex is one of the main ways to stay connected with your spouse.........
I would tell him flat out...how you feel about his lack of sex..tell him you want sex and if he is not giving you than you will look for someone ...thats NOT cheating ..it would be his choice..after a warning..but I think your marriage its not a real marriage anymore..sorry
First try to fix the marriage and underlying issues,





Then perhaps some counselling





If that fails there is always porn/vibrators. =)





Either way do not cheat.
A logical step would be to work on overcoming the marital issues that brought this about to begin with.
well ...... if he doesn'tt want to have sex do something you have never done b4 and surprise no offened but maaybe you need to spice up your sex life
we are in our 40s we have lots and lots of sex its never ben an issue you need to find ways to spice it up !!!!!!!!!
It sounds like a marriage of convenience.


sadly, it's all in his favor.


Tell him to put out or get out.
never cheat, its pointless.
This may sound a bit crazy but the first thing I have to ask is whether you take care of yourself. Some women, especially after they have been married a while (and it is not unique to women, men do this too, but since you are a women and asking this question, I鈥檓 directing it your way). Do you keep it clean, such as use FDS, douche, shave, etc? Do you put on make up daily and make yourself attractive, or walk around the house in sweats and an old robe?





Then there is another factor - do you make him feel like you want him - such as initiate sex? Guys sometimes go through this period when they suffer self-esteem problems and they need to know they are still attractive to their wives.





Do you know what turns him on? Guys are usually stimulated by different things than women - usually visual stimuli and smell rank high.





Do other guys find you attractive - you can use this as a barometer. Some guys don鈥檛 admit it, but find it very difficult if their wife gains a lot of weight too. There are a lot of things that can be out of sync. No one should ever live in a sexless marriage, at any ago.





He may also be going through a high stress period and you may both need a vacation. A professional counselor may be an option if you can afford one.
I don't think it's terribly common for a man in his 30's to lose interest in sex. Perhaps there is a hormone deficiency which can be checked by a doctor.


Personally, I would suggest masturbation, lots and lots of masturbation. If you need more than that (I would) then you may want to consider leaving. You're young and spending the next 50-70 years of your life in a sexless marriage sounds horrific.





EDIT: Sorry to tell you this but he has to WANT to do it. You are not a prison sentence and unless HE wants to change he won't.