The only way to re-build it is one day at a time. You have to get on with today, and not think about bad choices from the past.
By the way, please remember it is not the child's fault. They did not ask to be brought into the mess.
Good luck. You have a hard road ahead of you. But, it can be done. My sister had the exact same situation, and they got past it.How do you rebuild youre marriage after youre spouse cheats?
My spouse cheated on me once and beleive me it will take a yr or so to be able to trust again. I have only been married for 4 almost 5 yrs. But mainly a good way to start off is to have a long talk between you two and decide HOW you can fix it. We seeked counseling for ours and what I tell you is what we were told to try.
1) Talk about it and find out why he/she did it.
( some of the answers will hurt the most )
2) He needs to try and gain the trust you once had back.
3) You may never be able to forget what he did but maybe you should try to forgive him. ( Exspecially if you want your marriage to go on )
You can't carry on being together if you are going to continue being mad at him for what he did. If you continue to mad at him then you will always be argueing with him even over the little things that would of normally never sparked an agruement in the first place.
Well I hope this helps you and I wish for the best with you.
I did the same thing as your husband - had an affair that resulted in a child. My wife did take me back, but I have not been able to be involved with this other child that I fathered due to family pressure to move on. I pay child support though, just no visits.
It is tough for my wife, and when anything about the child comes up it hurts her more. It took a lot of work, and is still not perfect (as I do not have a relationship with my child), but it can be something you decide to work out. FOrgiving is important as you do not want to keep throwing it in his face (which will cause even more conflict).
that sounds like a very difficult situation..also sounds like he is trying if your willing to forgive you will have to learn how to trust . but personally I think he should have waited to bring the child over . at least so you and the other children could have time to absorb and deal with the information! good luck you sound like a better person than me.
THAT REALLY IS A BIG ONE,DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE? YOU ARE GOING TO START TRUSTING HIM AGAIN,TAKE IT SLOW,AND REALLY GO BY ONE DAY AT THE TIME RULE,IT IS GOING TO BE HARD BUT IS NOT INPOSSIBLE,GIVE IT AN HONEST TRY AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
Put a lowjack on him for two years. Then you will trust him.
wow...um im really sorry(not being sarcastic)i actually am speechless, i hope things get better for you
you are both going to need some serious counseling. there is no way that you are going to be able to get through this on your own. please call and get some help.
Not me sweetie .....I don't care because after this knowledge I would be giving him his life back. This would be totally unaceptable to me for any reason and no excuse in the world financial or midlife crisis bull crap would make me deal with his betrayal like that!!! He had sex with a woman and did not even think to wear a condom and possibly give me a life threatening disease and me and my children are suppose to learn how to deal with something that should have never happened in the first place. Sweetie this is going to be in your face untill the day you die so I would say HELL NO and hire me a lawyer. Let him live with his mistake and keep it out of my house because I am not accepting this dirty rotten deal he is handing me and my children now.
Wow.
You have too many years with this man for ME to be able to advise you.
You have to do whats BEST for YOU and Your family.
Firstly, talk to someone- for your own good. Do not make any rash decisions......be sure to take care of YOU and YOUR FEELINGS FIRST for awhile.
I wish you every good blessing, I feel so bad for your situation.
counseling lots of it
Your husband did the worse thing a man can do. he lied and betrayed you and put everything you two had on the line. it was selfish and deceitful, and i know how awful you must feel. to fix this, it takes time, alot of it. its not going to get better in a month or even a year. it sounds like he is trying. hes taking it slow and realizes that this is a difficult situation for you. your first priority needs to be your children above all, they need to be brought into the situation slowly. unfortunately, this is a rought situation as you dont want them to think negatively of their father but you dont want to lie to them. in regards to your relationship, i would seek counseling so you can clearly vocalize your feelings. also, there must have been some sort of gap in your relationship at that time that would have made him feel insecure about vocalizing his frustrations regarding money etc. it is right of you to demand a blood test, but i also think that this should not be an angry affair. this is your life now, youmust develope a relationship with the childs mother, even if it is strained. and even thought your husband did the unthinkable, do give him credit for being honest eventually, it is hard to admit when you mess up. give the relationship a try, its worth it for your children and your relationship with your husband. i wish you the best of luck.
See a couples therapist if you are interested in mending the relationship.
And give him a good Falcon Punch to the testicles to make sure he doesn't do it again.
Falcon Punch: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Ima鈥?/a>
Well I know he is trying to comfort you and everything but is it really enough?I would definetly want to do a dna test and if it is positive I would tell him to deal with it himself and hope that the mom doesn't want child support because that can be extra weight on your shoulders and if your really want to just stick with him right by his side and hope you guys can get through this together.
Counseling, Counseling, Counseling and did I say Counseling. Sounds like he does regret what he did and it seems like he'd do anything to save his marriage. I wouldn't say leave him and forget about it all because there is a chance for things to work out. If you love him and he loves you then like I said counseling will help. Go together and go alone. It will help you to cope and work on making the marriage work. Don't give up hope just yet.
Hi Jen,
I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Although I haven't been married and cheated on, I have been cheated on. I understand the hurt and the pain. My first thought was to suggest you dump him and leave him; however, you have so much time and love invested in this man you thought you could trust.
At this point, if you even want to save the marriage (and if he does too), I encouarge you all to seek family counseling - try to find a counselor that can work with you, you and your husband, your kids, and then all four of you - or find one agency that can attend to all aspects of the situation.
I think you are smart in wanting the DNA test - he should definately be sure that the child is his. I know that this must be very hard for you, but try to remember that this child did not ask to be brought into the world - the child did not choose his/her parents. So try not to direct your anger towards the innocent child.
I hope that with everything going on that your twins are seeing a counselor - they are at that age where everything changes - friends, schools, peer pressure - everything. So try to get them in to see someone ASAP.
It might be hard, but seriously take a deep look into yourself. Find the strength to move on - whether it's with or without him. That decision needs to be made by you. Whatever choice you make, though, know that there are people who will support you. Target those people who you can identify as your support system - make sure you have some close friends who are able to take 3 am phone calls to let you cry.
Best of luck to you.
i gave up some people like my ex dont want to change and be faithful they like the rich lifestyle unlike me i grew up in the n-end i know how to keep it real.
Me personally, I don't think you can. Once a cheater always a cheater. I know someone who has been married for many many years. I was told by my good friend that my friend's spouse has cheated. When confronted, the spouse denied it. Then when confronted again, the truth came out. All in all, The spouse has cheated with 3 or 4 different people. After some one cheats, it is hard to believe them again. The trust is gone. So when my Ex cheated on me, I left and I never went back. That is a pain and a trust issue that is ultimately up to you if you decide to go back with the guy. If you decide to stay, on you can make that choice, no one else can.
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