How to deal with my emotionally cruel mother who talks bad about me to others???

My mother has always been what I affectionately refer to as ';rough around the edges'; but after a relatively recent split between my spouse of 10 yrs (and the father of my son) I've gotten to the point where I don't know if I should continue to have much of a relationship with her at all.





Admittedly I was shocked at the breakup of my relationship and felt blindsided. I was at the time unemployed, a full-time student, caring for our 1 year old son when my ex suddenly said that he didn't want to be with me anymore on Christmas because we'd been arguing too much. I had no money and no where to go. My own mother, wh lives in the same town with my dad, refused to even allow me to stay a single night because she said she didn't want me to think I could come home. Mind you, I moved out at 20 and am 30 now and never moved home in between that.





I would, howevre, go over to her and my dad's house a lot as I was lonely and wanted to be around family. Maybe I was going over too much, but instead of saying it tactfully she screamed that she couldn't stand me, she thought I'm weak and she's sick of seeing my face. The rejection from her made the whole breakup that much more painful.





Then she allows my sister who recently split from her ex to move home, no questions asked. She explained to everyone that it's because she gets along better with her since she's rarely around.





I know my mom didn't owe me to allow me to movce home but I felt really abandoned that I was in a tight spot and she wasn't really there for me.





I'm hurt and she still goes around to other family and her friends (I live in a ver small town... talking about how she doesn't think I'm handling the break up well and she's sick of me because I'm annoying her). I got a job working nearly full-time, finished a full-time semester on the honros list and have my 2 year old son when not doing one of the two. I've just been heartbroken as I found out his dad was cheating on me after he left.





She says I'm looking for her to be a comforting Mom and she's just not that way. But she goes around talking about how my sisters strong and doing well.





I'm humiliated by the things she's said about me. I feel my mom should be trying to make me look good to others rather than whining and gossiping about me to people when I've been going through a very hard time.





Now I barely go around her and have found a daycare for my son which he starts soon. But yet she still continues to complain about me, now it's because she thinks that I'm stupid for ';trying to give her the silent treatment'; and she's playng the victim like I'm being ';mean'; to her for not coming around as much.


How do I deal with her? I feel confused. I'm pathetic if I come around too much and immature if I stay away. I feel she keeps hurting me and when I've tried to talk to her she just gets very defensive and verbally attacks me making me feel like she, again, thinks I'm pathetic.





Advice?How to deal with my emotionally cruel mother who talks bad about me to others???
She's a *****, that's horrible. Any interest in moving away for a while? My mother is awful too, and is the same, hurt if I come to her, hurt if I don't. And whatever is happening in my (or my brother's) life, it becomes HER drama. It sucks. I moved. Its better, but not totally, 'cause it'll never be perfect, but at least I can hang up the phone if she starts going off. I know you shouldn't run from your problems, but sometimes its silly to stay in place and take on a bunch of other people's garbage (especially when you have enough to deal with - baby, ending a marriage)





oh btw, chances are if you see a negative character trait in her, then other people see it too (even if they don't comment on it). I believe that the truth will out. Your sister can deal with her. If your mother thinks she is so strong, maybe its because she is getting emotional and physical support from her mother. I think this is disgusting.How to deal with my emotionally cruel mother who talks bad about me to others???
you could print this off and post it to her
Advice:


Please do not offer up an abridged version of ';War and Peace'; with your question.





More advice:


You are an adult. You can choose who you associate with and who you don't. I get it that you'd very much like to have your mother's approval, but if it was anybody else would you endure this sort of treatment?


At some point you will have had enough and conclude that your continued interaction with this person is inspiring more grief than it's worth. For your sake, I pray it's sooner rather than later.





And - an empowering piece: you are the one who controls your emotions. I get it that her derision and condemnation are painful. With a little practice you will discover that she can say and do pretty much anything and if you've decided you're no longer going to be hurt by it, you won't be. She doesn't have some magic button that ';makes'; you feel or think anything. YOU are in control of YOU! Go for it!
OMGosh!She sounds like a b***h.At least your an adult and you don't have to go see her.I would stay away from her.She's negative and you don't need that.And I would stay away from the people she talks to too.I had some what a child hood like that.If you stay away for long enough they will see that you mean buisiness.And if not,well,their loss.You don't need that kind of bs in your life.Concentrate on you and your family.


Cheers.