Has anyone been married to someone whose spouse has passed away and they feel jealous of him/her?

Well in my case my husband was married for 14 years and then divorced her for cheating and other reasons. They had two children together and during that marriage he adopted his ex-wife's son. So three children together. Shortly after their divorce she died of a lethal combination of perscription meds and alcohol. She sufficated while sleeping next to the man that she cheated with. She died in October 2004. In the beginning of the relationship he would constantly mention things about her. Like if I said that I like to decorate the house for Christmas he would say ';Yes, she like to do that also.'; I told him that I did not want to be compared to her and that I was my own person. He stopped. Months later we married and now I live in the house that they lived in while they were married. I hate it! I am cooking with her pots and pans, using her dishes and her children have her pictures everywhere. I understand that of course the children love their mother no matter what and suffer from her loss. I just find myself wondering if he loved her more than me. If he thinks about her all the time. If things remind him of her. If when he looks like he is staring into space, he is thinking of her. If songs remind him of her. Even how what we do in bed compares to her. He now tell me that he has never loved anyone like he loves me. That the first few years were good in their marriage but that she put him through hell for the rest of the years and he stood in it for the kids. That I am his sould mate and the person he was destined to be with. Sometimes I think he is telling me that so that I don't worry about it. And how did he go from mentioning her constantly in such high regard to saying he was miserable. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it? Has anyone been married to someone whose spouse has passed away and they feel jealous of him/her?
i married a man who lost his wife to cancer. my best friend also lost her first husband to cancer so i've had a lot of dealing with this from both sides. when a spouse dies, the surviving spouse tends to put their loved one on a pedestal. mostly out of guilt for having being the one that survived. they tend to forget the bad parts of the relationship and only remember the good. this passes with time and will be replaced with anger (for them dieing) and then with true remembrances of the person. then they can begin to put the deceased person in perspective.





when i met my husband i never made him pick between myself and his former wife. he was free to talk about her, have pictures in his home, have his memories and whatever else he needed to process his grief. (and she was no piece of cake either). at first there were many comparisons, many memories he'd talk about, many songs that would stop him cold. but as we built a relationship those lessened. they were replaced with our memories, our songs, our traditions and our life. once in awhile he still mentions her but it's mostly to say 'she'd never do that for me'.





let him get over this. help him move on. but i would suggest that the house become yours (yours and his, not his and hers). if you can't move, redecorate, change things around, buy new pots and pans. put your stamp on that house. instead of going all out decorating for christmas, go all out for a different holiday. take your marriage back. we sold both our houses and bought one together.





go to the library or book store and check out/buy a book on the subject. talk to a support group for spouses. get some clarity on this. but for god's sake, don't compete with a ghost.





if you'd like, you can e me privately if you'd like to chat.





Has anyone been married to someone whose spouse has passed away and they feel jealous of him/her?
There's a limit. And we all have our breaking point.





You can always use the shock treatment and say ';If she's that goddamn good then go dig her up';. She screwed him over. A big time apparently. Frankly I think he has a real problem if he's carrying a torch for her.
I was married to a woman that her husband had died on her.





I felt like I was being compared to him many times. It seems like all she had were good memories of him. And that contrasted with real life right then with me. Its hard to compete with a dead man.
First of all.....there is no such thing as a ';soul mate';.





Having said that, if I may be so bold to say so, I believe that as long as you are living in that house, the ';ghost'; of his ex-wife is always going to be around.





Is moving a possibility?
Wow, that sounds like a really hard situation to be in. I've always just figured I could never marry a man whose wife had died, for that exact reason. Because how do you ever know?? And I think the fact is, that yes he does compare you both. If my husband died, and I remarried, I imagine I would campare my new husband with my old one. However, you have to remember that there is a reason that they divorced. He would not have gotten a divorce from a woman that he really loved, so I think that you truly don't need to worry about it. If you keep feeling this way, tell him how you feel. I would even suggest moving to another house, as I can imagine it's weird to be living in the house that they shared together. Tell your husband that you are ready for a change, and go look and see if there's another house you would/could rather move into.
Girl, this is your marriage and your life.





If you want to be happy then you need to make a few changes and put your foot down.





Your husband is very stupid for letting this happen. When you both got married, you started a new life and he needs to remember that.





So what that you live in the same house that he had before, thats ok, you can make it yours now. Change it into your style. Rearange things because its your house now.





There is nothing wrong with his kids have pictures of their parents, however, they can have them in their room because that is their haven, not the whole house, the whole house is yours now.





You need to replace them photos and start making new photos of you and your new husband and put them out for viewing.





If you want my opinion, the longer you let this go on, the longer the kids and your husband will grieve the absence of the one before.





By making changes, you can help all of them move forward including yourself.





Personally, I would throw away everything she owned or have a garage sell. Take control and replace things with what your style is.





If your husband won't let you be yourself and make the changes, then my friend, you need to move on to someone who really cares for you and your happiness.
I think it's normal to feel the way u do about your situation..I think like that about my hubby's baby mothers(they are not dead though) but your a better woman than me to live in that same he and his ex lived in I don't think I could do it!!!! But maybe you should talk to him and let him no how u truly feel!! Good luck
Being jealous of a dead person?





I don't really don't get you people....





My husband died 8 years ago, we were both young I have a daughter from the marriage, I've been in a couple of serious relationships and have been engaged but they've all ended with jealously and also not being able to cope with a single mom who constantly had to look after her child... no dad, no help.





my standpoint... No I don't compair other people to him, I do not miss him, that part of my life is over and done with. I have pictures of my husband around because my daughter was 18 months when he died and she has absolutely no memory of him, pictures at least help her know she did have a dad who loved her very much. Talking to her about him, lets her at least know what her father was like, I find it cruel that she didn't actually get to know him in person and that is very hard on her and lots of councolling and she's still is dealing with it.








I don't compair partners in bed at all, thinking oh he was much better... o.O





I find it odd





I do agree with making the house a part of you though, splurge if you have the extra cash and get in personal touches, new dishes (heck who couldn't use those?)





oh btw he wasn't a nice person but I will never let my daughter find out about that part of him, so I only tell her about all the good he did.