My mom is marrying the subject of her affair...help?

I found out about my mom's affair about 2 years ago (I was 13). He ';accidently'; left a love message on my phone intended for my mom. He was the builder of our house, also married. I was there when my dad came home and they started screaming at each other...I never really forgave my mom. Whenever I try to talk about it, she says I'm dramatic. She's happy so I'm supposed to be happy for her. I can't even tell you how much I hate this affair guy (we were there all the time at his house, because of the building thing, when we were little kids. Didn't he know it would hurt us?). Supposedly, he's a GREAT person. He volunteers and is an Eagle Scout. And...him and my mom are getting married. How do I deal with this? I don't think I can forgive my mom yet (even though its been 2 years), and I don't think I can ever forgive the builder. Apparently, I'm the only one who hasn't moved on from this. I'm supposed to forgive my mom, meet this guy again (he wants to meet me), and completely forget about this affair. I am just so confused on who's the good person here. I can't talk to anyone in my family without them saying bad stuff about one another to make themselves look good. Like, my mom can be really mean sometimes but some things that she's done are good. For example, when she divorced my dad she didn't take half the money of my dad's income like she could have (that would have been 90K a year, she wouldn't have to work at all). Instead, she works as a nurse, making a lot less than my dad. Can someone still be a good person when they cheat on their spouse on a married person? How do I deal with this!? Thanks...My mom is marrying the subject of her affair...help?
Yes, you can cheat and still be basically a good person. We have all done something at some point in our lives that others would see as ';bad';....but that doesn't mean we're automatically and forever bad, too.





When it comes to forgiveness, there is no ';should';. You need to give yourself whatever time YOU need to deal with this, even if it takes you longer than someone else. Maybe you'll make peace with her and maybe you won't....but don't hold onto the anger forever. It will only hurt you in the end.





No one is perfect, and no one is all good or all bad. We're all capable of hurting others, and that includes you.





Hope you find peace with this.My mom is marrying the subject of her affair...help?
Good for your mom! She is proof some affairs do work out and live happily ever after.





Answer my question please?


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
No one can tell you how you should feel. Right is right and wrong is wrong. That doesn't mean she is a bad person. Many good people do bad things. She isn't a very good role model though for her kids. I can't tell you why people do the things they do. I have found that only time heels pain. So don't be hard on yourself for feeling the way you do. Treat your Mom with respect even if it hurts. This other man will never take your Dads place and that's the way it should be. Didn't this guy know it would hurt you and your family? I'm sure he doesn't really care.


He didn't care if he hurt his own family so why should he? Another thing I have learned is that What Goes Around Comes Around. They will pay in the long run.
Honestly, your parents marriage and what happened in it is none of your business....I know that sounds harsh but really it isn't....





It is unfortunate that your mom chose a difficult path, when she chose to cheat on your dad BUT this man she cheated with did NOT break up your mom and dad...the only thing that can ruin a marriage is the 2 people in the marriage.





You love you mom, you always will, even if you don't forgive her, so you are putting some of the blame on this man. He shouldn't have gotten involved, no but it was you mom that cheated, not him.





I am sure there were many things that were going on between your parents and you don't need to concern yourself with the details because they are your parents....just love them and allow them to love you. Learn to forgive because no one is perfect.
Not much you can do. It's your mother's life. If you get nasty, you will be not be around as much. You may hate your mother for messing up the family, but it's too late to fix anything. Might as well find some peace, and move on in your life.





People do weird things at time.
You are really articulate for a fifteen year old (that's a compliment). I'm sorry that you had to go through this. It is totally normal to have these feelings. Your mom and the ';builder guy'; shoiuld recognize and understand what you are going through. Have you spoken with your dad? It might not be a bad idea to speak to a therapist to help you deal. I went through something similar when I was your age, and although I am close to my dad now it took me a long time to forgive him.
There is nothing that you can do to change your mother. She is an adult, and whether you disagree/question her choices, she has her own life to live. I am sorry for your family and the sadness you must feel. I don't think that kids of divorce every really get over it. They always hope, even when they rationally know there is no hope. You need to ask yourself what kind of relationship you would like with your mother. Be open with her about your feelings, knowing that you can not change her actions. Try to be supportive of her and merely polite to him. Good luck!
There's good and bad in all of us. Who's to say that if this hadn't happened that your father would have met someone else and divorced your Mom? I'm not trying to make excuses for your Mom, it's just that sometimes stuff happens. You cannot change the past. To you, what your Mom did was a terrible thing. To your Mom, she feels she wanted to be with the other man and so made her choice. She didn't leave you. She's still your Mom. I think 2 years is enough time to hold on to anger, pain, and hurt. Let it go. Start living for today. You said your Mom can be both good and bad. So can your Dad, it's just that right now it's easier to focus on your Mom. I say, love her.
Well, you're out of the house in 3 years... just deal and get your things straight and move on. Your mother is going to do what she wants, and in private you don't know what your mom and dad really have problems with.





Just try to remain in th middle and don't get involved. As long as your mother and father are the ones disciplining you and raising you then the other guy should not say anything to you regarding those things.





I had a stepdad when i was 14, he tried telling me what i should do and tried disciplining me... he didnt get anywhere and it just exhausted their marriage.