How should I deal with this? Do you think I'm in the wrong?

Okay, I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. There is a woman I've been friends with for about 6 years. Lately, we've pretty much grown apart and truthfully I'm hurt by how she's acted as of late. She used to come crying to me whenever she had a problem with her on-again off-again boyfriend but when she finally broke up with him for good the calls stopped. No ';Hey, how are you'; nothing--this after 6 years of friendship! She's moving to a town about 2 hours away from me and I've pretty much made up my mind that the friendship has been one-sided for some time now and it's not worth pursuing it.





That said, there is a co-worker of mine who I'm becoming friends with as well. The tricky part is that my ex-friend has thought for a long time that this co-worker had an affair with her ex boyfriend. I kept my distance from the co-worker out of respect for my friend, but now that my friend can't be bothered with me I don't see what the big deal is if we hang out sometimes. Still, I feel kind of guilty and feel like a cheating spouse myself, hoping I don't get ';caught'; hanging out with the co-worker. I know this might sound ridiculous but how would you deal with this? Would you still stay away from the co-worker? I never officially ended the friendship with my ex-friend, she just never bothers calling and neither do I. I figure she probably doesn't care either way so I'm not going to waste any more effort on it. Do you think I'm wrong in this?How should I deal with this? Do you think I'm in the wrong?
People just grow apart and you don't have to ';break up'; formally when it happens. I can understand her not contacting you: 1. no longer has the problem and doesn't make time for you anymore 2. embarrassed about confiding in you 3. new boyfriend taking up her time 3. life just happens.





I presume you've tried to contact her instead of just waiting for a gesture from her and didn't get any response.





As to making friends with someone whom you work with but your friend (she still can be called that) suspected her of having an affair with her boyfriend, you shouldn't feel you are betraying the friend of 6 years. People repent. It might never have happened. You will have to judge this co-worker's morals from what you can learn about her from being around her. Ask her what she thinks of a girl who cheats with another girl's boyfriend and see what she says.





I say go ahead with the new friendship with caution. If your friend gets mad about it, explain what you have learned about this co-worker makes you feel that she has a moral sense and all your friend had was a suspicion. Besides, she should have been mad at her guy. Few guys can be lured away if they actually want to be with their girlfriends instead of having something on the side.





There is nothing wrong with having the feelings you have. You have to decide if it is worth feeling like a cheating spouse if you make friends with this co-worker. You have to figure out your moral limits, too. And don't drop your friend of 6 years. Let the friendship remain stagnant. You may reconnect sometime and there's no reason for animosity. At that time you can decide if she was a fair weather friend or not. Let her make the first move, though.How should I deal with this? Do you think I'm in the wrong?
She probably is trying to push out everything in her life that reminds her of her boyfriend - including you.





This sounds harsh, but is the way some people try to get over loss - trying to forget, hoping it will numb the pain.
Your ex-friend may be aware of the relationship between you and the co-worker, and that may be part of the problem. But I think you just need to do what you want to, and not worry about it.
Well, I have similar issues. I've got a lot of people I'd say were friends, or that I've been know to spend time with, and frequently, they're enemies with some of my other friends.





Personally, I don't let it bother me. I just don't talk about one friend with my other friends, and stay out of the dispute as long as it's quiet and reasonable.





I'd say go ahead and hang out with the co-worker, and if the friend has an issue with it, just let her know that you can hang out with whoever you want, and if she doesn't like it, she isn't as good of a friend as you'd thought.





I've lost a few that way, but most of them just accept it as being a part of who I am.
You are not wrong. First off I don't let any of my friends dictate who I am friends with. I've had friends go through divorces, I've had some date and break up, and I've had some fight and then make up later. That is between them and not me.





If it comes up that you are hanging out with her, you merely say you respect her right to her own opinion. But her opinion is her's--not yours. However she (BFF) really doesn't know that this woman had an affair with her ex boyfriend and this ex-boyfriend is a cheater. She isn't with this guy anymore. So that should end that. After all, this coworker was not cheating on her boyfriend. BFF wasn't friends with coworker so there was no betrayal there. Therefore she (coworker) isn't to ';blame'; but the lying cheating exboyfriend was the one cheating and lying to his girlfriend. Luckily BFF is not with him anymore.





Either way, I doubt it will come up. She isn't even really talking to you anymore. You feel that friendship is one sided. Just think of it this way--if this ex-friend were to say ';Pick one--her or me'; you already know you'd pick the co-worker, as that friendship isn't one sided.





I'd stay friends with the co-worker. Let that old friendship fizzle out. It's not worth all the energy you were putting into it. Don't feel guilty you aren't maintaining a one sided relationship.
You and your ex friend are de facto broken up as friends. When neither calls, it is over.





Now the question is really whether you would choose to befriend a person who might be a boyfriend stealing who re. If you actually know her to be one. it could be ex friend was a paranoid little freak and this other girl is as innocent as a lamb.





Befriend her if you like, but be wary.





As far as it being an infidelity. Toss that worry aside. The contract of standing together is broken when one is ditched.





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you most certainly can pick your friends. Lord help the person who just lets it happen. That is a recipe for trouble. Cultivate those you cherish, cool the ones you regret.
You obviously value all friendships...maybe it's just time for a new one. I have a lot of one sided relationships, and frankly they get tiring. If conffronted by the ex-friend, just tell the truth. She can't dictate who you interact with in your own personal life. I have an odd friendship myself. I am still friends with my ex, whom nobody approved of and thinks horribly of him because of how he ended us and now the current situaton he is in with his girl;but it's just onea those things that life throws at you. We can't pick who are our friends, it just happens. Let it happen :)