How many cheaters have a spouse who won't have sex with them?

I am about to puke from all the judgemental people who say that cheating is always the cheater's fault, and they are terrible people who should be exorcised.





I know there are probably a few guys who can score any woman they want and this capability temps them to stray. Ok, they aren't being good in their relationship. But I'll guess that quite a few ';cheaters'; have been dealing with a spouse (usually a woman but sometimes a man) who uses sex as a controll weapon and/or they put sex at the bottom of the priority list.





I've read quite a few books by female psychologists and they all point to motherhood as a sensitive time. If mom ignores hubby for years and years and years... it is just very impractical to think that he's going to wack off and wait.How many cheaters have a spouse who won't have sex with them?
Most of the people here have not been faced with a difficult situation or a rough patch in their marriage yet either. I agree, though yes cheating is a horrible trauma on any marriage-the underlying issue with 90% of infidelity is a break down of communication. The couple is not communicating their needs to one another. as you described typically the mother will spend her affection and attention on her babies and neglect the husbands needs. He does not talk to her about his feelings until after he has gone astray. The problem with the answers here is that a lot of the time it is from people who say what they think they should say or they say what they think they would do-they don't know how they would handle the situation until they are in it.


men, talk to your wives about your needs-tell them emotionally and physically it is breaking you down. Talk to them in a respectful,non-threatening way about how you are feeling. Women, listen to your men-if he is throwing up signs that he is feeling neglected then make some changes before it gets worse!How many cheaters have a spouse who won't have sex with them?
If he loves her deeply and truly, yes he WILL whack off and wait. Anyone who cheats and claims they love that person is a fricking LIAR.


PERIOD.





nope, not punched in yet.





and one more thought--if a wife stops having sex with her husband, maybe he's a lousy lover, or not putting effort into it. THAT would also be his fault.
A spouse doesn't put a gun to their husbands/wife's head and forces him/her to cheat.
It is very simple.


There is NO excuse for marital infidelity. NONE.





It IS the cheaters fault.





Now, should there exist in a marriage a time where there is no sexuality for voluntary reasons it becomes the responsibility of the partners to either repair the situation or end it.





Sorry but lack of sex is not a reason to become a cheat.





Sexuality is a major part of a marriage.


Without it there is not much marriage.





End it and move on before you become the reason for the divorce.





The overwhelming question which you seem to have missed is this, If lack sexuality is so important that you might stoop to becoming a cheat, why have you put up with it for years and years?





Infidelity is not something one does to someone they profess to love. If you are going to do that it is far better to take the high road and end it.
I hear everyons saying no one is forced to cheat, that's true but people do set up situations for it. My Bf cheated and now has this weird guilt. I forgave him but he holds on to it and we rarely have sex. I find myself thinking, I say thinking about cheating but don't know if I could cross the line. men and women need to understand that sex is an important part to relationships and some people need it more than others, they need to be understanding and if you are gonna be in a relationship then try to tend to each others needs.
Cheating is not because of lack of sex.





Cheating is the worst way you can disrespect your partner.





I don't get as much sex as I'd like.....but the bottom line is I love my man and would never disrespect him by being with another man....he respects my needs though too....I get sex at least once a week and I know sometimes he isn't in the mood.....but I say give me some nookie and he does! I also respect the fact that he has a lower sex drive then me and don't bug him like some sex fiend.....we are able to balance our needs with love and respect for each other.
I think sometimes husbands forget a woman's feelings. A lot of times a woman doesn't feel sexy after taking care of everybody. To have sex with their husband becomes a chore more than anything. I talk to a lot of women who feel this way. A little help from their husband, such as, taking out the garbage, help with the kids, clean the house, etc, can be a turn on. Is this guy or you romantic? Do you make her feel special? All of this can be effecting her libido.





Cheating is wrong in any sense. If you are too lazy to put some working into your marriage then get out. If sex is a problem then you have to find a way to fix it, not take the easy way out. Plus, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
I can understand both sides of the story, but it comes down to personal responsibility. Communicate! Maybe there's something going on with your spouse that you're oblivious to. It happens. You can bite the bullet and go to counseling. Or you can cheat, go through a messy divorce and deal with the humiliation of your entire family and all your friends finding out that you had an affair and that's why your marriage failed. If you have kids, they'll have less respect for you because you betrayed their other parent and split up their family. I can't say all cheaters are evil, self-serving demons, but I will say that most of them lack foresight and maybe some common sense. It's better to err on the side of self control.
I understand where you're coming from, as i am very similarly in your shoes. I still find it unacceptable to cheat though, if sex is being used as a weapon, and you are at your wits end, just leave. Get out of the relationship...





On a side note:


My dry spell ended yesterday, Can you tell by my calmer answers today?





edit:


why do so many of you always assume that the woman is withholding sex from the man? Here, in the real world (at least the one i see everyday), it's almost completely opposite. All of my girlfriends are completely sexually deprived. It's awful. We sound like a bunch of jr. high boys talking sometimes...