My confidence within myself has been dealt a really huge blow, apparently they've known each other for quite some time its not fair this has happened to me.
Now I have to think whether to keep at this marriage or not.
Fortunately we dont have any kids so at least we're not bringing children into a broken marriage.On a scale from 1 - 10 how badly would your confidence be knocked if you knew your spouse had cheated on you?
Not meaning to sound cocky, but I don't think my confidence would go down at all. If you've done all that you can do to make the marriage successful, what more can you ask for from yourself?
With any cheater, the problem is not the person being cheated on, it's the person doing the cheating. It does not matter who the person being cheated on is; if you're married to a cheater, you're gonna get cheated on. If he had been married to his girl he was with, he would've cheated on her too eventually. The guy just cannot commit.
My advice on your marriage would be to get a divorce. If this guy cannot even commit to two whole years with a woman, what makes you think he can commit for the rest of your lives?On a scale from 1 - 10 how badly would your confidence be knocked if you knew your spouse had cheated on you?
10. And I would run like hell away from that marriage. You said you are glad you don't kids that would be brought into this, if you stay married you could. You deserve to have a husband who appreciates who you are and what you have done for him. If you really are as good of a person as you say you are, there are MANY men looking for a woman exactly like you. Good luck, and don't set yourself up to be hurt again :(
My trust would be completely destroyed and my confidence would definitely suffer; it would probably be knocked down to a 6. Don't think you necessarily did something wrong to make him cheat on you. Some men (and women) cheat just because they have the opportunity to do so. And don't believe what some people often say: ';If he loved you he wouldn't have cheated';. That's total BS. For many men, love has nothing to do with it. They may adore their wives, but they're like animals; they have no self-control.
about 8 - men dont necessarily cheat because they dont love you. to men, love and sex are two completely different things, but regardless of how they view it, he took vows and he should have kept them.
even if you can forgive him, will you ever be able to trust him again? if its a no, then you'll end up in a miserable relationship and you should limit the damage and call it a day now.
be strong! you deserve to get out of a relationship what you would put in! dont settle for second best just because your confidence has been knocked.
was 10 at first but then I thought about what they looked like and I was just insulted lol remember thinking at time Gz I wish hed picked someone good looking and sexy then atleast id think that was his taste she was just fat and bland and boring I thought god am i like her lol...
we were seperated at time so that helped me get away for good so she ended up doing me a favour ;-) perfect excuse to never take them back ';sorry you cheated';
My confidence level would be knock down, but I would quickly build it back up day by day. It depends on the extent of his affair and how deep the relationship was between him and the mistress. Have you tried marital counseling. I hate to see married couples break w/o breaking it up.
It depends; was it a one-off quick thing, or a long term emotional affair?
At the end of the day, doesn't really matter - cheating is cheating, and IMO is unforgiveable.
Answer to your question -
A one-off thing: 3/10
Emotional affair: 9/10 (because there would be love involved)
About 8/10
I would just feel like I couldn't make her happy enough. However, even in the relationships/marriages where both seem to be very happy--one of them could just cheat just for the hell of it. Most of it isn't derived from the other doing anything wrong in my opinion.
On a sacale from 1 to 10, it would be ';1';, if not zero. I can't control what my spouse (in case of having one) does, once I know it's pretty much easy to realize you married wrong, so just get divorce and move on.
when mine cheated on me i was knocked for six, didnt think he would, my confidence and my self esteem went to nothing, but i got rid and slowly looking after me, its starting to come back,
Cheater and Marriage can not live together.
5 , I would want to know why and why etc. I hope I never go through this because someone would get seriously hurt if not killed! I'd lose my mind!
Get counseling that will help you deal with this.
I really feel for you
what do you want now.
Dont torture yourself ,
Start putting yourself first
5 for me....
ten ....i would pack my things and go
the thing is he has not being a good husband to you we all make the mistake in believing its our fault when our partner %26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt; up ,its not it is their choice you didn't wake up one day and be so bad that their dick wandered no everyone has a brain of their own and make their own choices , i always have heard a standing dick has no conscience, no its not fair and its not right you will never feel the same again or trust him the same ,don't do what i did and stayed worst mistake i made
10. I'd feel a failure for failing to keep my husband happy, and that i'd done something wrong, for not succeeding in being everything he wanted and needed.. At the same time, i'd be practical. I'd know in my head it wasn't my fault, because i am a good wife to my husband. Don't blame yourself. Some men have a need to explore what's on the other side despite the fact they have a fantastic wife at home. Was it a sort of itch he'd had for a while, and took the opportunity to scatch so to speak? Or a one off spur of the moment mistake? Both are unacceptable, but the second may be easier to forgive than the first, because you'll know there are no emotions involved. Talk to him, and keep talking and see where, if anywhere your marriage can go from here. If you need answers, get them, and ask for total honesty. It's the least you deserve. It doesn't have to be the end of your marriage, as many do forgive and move on from infidelity, but it doesn't bode well for the future, if he cheated after only 2 years of marriage.. If you know you can't move on and forgive, then be kind to yourself, and walk away from your marriage. He's the one who's in the wrong, so you can walk with your head held high. It's not fair you've had to go through this, so think of you, and what you want to do, excluding him from the picture for the moment. I love my husband with all my heart, but i would walk away with my children, and file for divorce quicker than he could blink. I could never forgive infidelity, but that's just my view. Take all the time you need, and do what you need to do. If you do decide to give him a second chance, set firm boundaries, and let him know there's no third chances. Good luck and all the best.
At first it was a 10 when my first ex cheated then that went to a 0 after i got married to my second ex . Then she cheated to . Talk about a blow to the brain the scale hit the roof at 99.9 . The .1 that i had left kept me from killing anyone . But i am happy to say that i have recovered and the ex,s are doing like crap and are now in a way competing to get me back which is kind of cool because there always doing things for me . Im not mad at them anymore . But i would never think about taking either one of them back not when i have the best of both worlds. I just keep leading them on like they did me .
This is a massive blow and I feel for you. You have not yet been married for 2 years and your husband has made it abundantly clear that he doesn't think that infidelity is necessary in your relationship. Clearly it matters to you and so your marriage has become a charade. Why are you making yourself suffer by trying to come to terms with it. Dithering in your response gives your husband license to do anything he wants. He is further lowering your self esteem by explaining the details and circumstance. You may have some underlying problems with your own self confidence but that is easily linked to your husbands treatment and attitude to you. You are at the beginning of a relationship that does not bode well. Act now and act decisively to at least give yourself a chance of happiness. Remember through it all that a relationship is supposed to make you happy and this one clearly does not.
To stay on would means looking into the cheater's eyes every day. But then to leave seem quite painful. Then how? I suggest you leave him for now since no kids are involve. And if he comes back to you, then you tell him your terms and conditions. but if he doesn't, then just forget him. My wife cheated on me and each time when we made love, I wonder whether if she is fantasizing him or actually making love to me. All these hurts badly. Do what you feel is best for you and learn to love yourself more. Stop being in pain, life is just too beautiful but short.
My husband cheated on me for seven years and it was with someone who was very close to me,someone in my family.My personal scale would be a big fat 10
My confidence was at an all time low and I blamed myself.He also blamed me and told me I did`nt pay him enough attention.
We had been married for twenty four years and I realised that he was just bored with me.It was as simple as that and it was soooo easy for him to cheat.
He felt no guilt at all and thought that I should just get over it.Well I did get over it,big time.I realised that he was just a selfish b*****d and that I did`nt need another petulant child in my life,because that`s what he had become.
He was like a child throwing a hissy fit ,trying to blame me and making me feel guilty.I sat down and tried to analyse what had happend and it was like a light bulb had been switched on,I realised it was nothing I`d done wrong,it was his selfishness.I knew then that I could never ever trust him again and marriage is nothing without trust.
I kicked him out and it was the best thing I ever did.
Do not think you are to blame.It does`nt matter whether you have been married for a year or twenty,if it is in his nature to stray then he will.
In hindsight it is probably just as well that you have no children,we had two,but they were old enough to decide for themselves what they wanted to happen and who they wished to live with.
Please go and see a councillor ,just so you have someone to talk to,I`m sure your GP will be able to help you.
You deserve someone better,who will love and appreciate you.Good Luck.
I would probably be a 2... it comes as such a blow because you don't expect it. Those feelings of betrayal are just too powerful. Just KNOW that it's nothing to do with you. Some will tell you that you weren't the wife you were supposed to be, but that's a load of toot. Your husband obviously has some moral/character issues that are NOT your problem. Some spouses are cowards and instead of dealing with their issues, they take the easy way out and ruin a great arrangement with an affair. Again, just know it's not you. Try counseling to sort through your feelings. It will help a ton...I promise. Good luck.
I don't think there's any answer that's ';one size fits all';. I think initially, most of us are gobsmacked and yes, it does impact what we think of ourselves. And then we do what you did -- second guess every move to see where we messed up.
But after that, I think what seems to happen in many cases (and it did in mine) was that I was able to be more objective about his behavior and realize it had nothing to do with me. It was a flaw in him and I just happened to be a victim of it.
And that's when the anger kicked in. By anger, I don't mean the initial horror at what he did, but a more healthy anger at myself that I would waste tears over a jerk like this. And that's when I knew I was getting better. But this was after I had left him.
Only you know if the marriage will work. At a minimum, I would demand that he attend marriage counseling with you. If he doesn't want to, it almost makes it easier because you have your answer: he's not committed to you and he doesn't intend to fix that. And don't get caught up in apologies, etc. These don't really matter. The issue is whether you can trust him again, and it's not his decision to make. It's yours. And it will take a lot more apologies for this to work.
10 definately, I was blown away by it.....bit different though we had been together 20 years married 14 and have 5 children together...I could have coped if he had left me for a younger prettier woman but the woman he left me for is not even nice, pretty or intelligent, she has been divorced 3 times, slept with hundreds of men, has the morals of an Ally cat , looks old for her age and is a bit of a drinker...I will never know why he did it.
All I can say is that there is hope eventually for all of those ugly, bitter old mistresses that are living in hope of their married boyfriend leaving his wife.
I am known for my honesty and I sometimes say things that are contravertial but true, sometimes the answers that people would not like to hear, but are bluntly true.
So here goes ......
What goes around comes around ! and normally life is like a mirror sometimes. What you put into life is what you get out ! If you take your partner for granted, then he will take you for granted.
With love you have to be in love, not going through the motions.
You will truly know if you are in love or whether your partner loves you.
Is this the case ?
THere are two sides to every story, and we have only heard one side.
Men are considered always to be the cheaters, when in fact it could be analysed that in order to cheat on a partner the guilty partner had to weigh up that (his wife) in this case, was not coming up with the goodies, sufficiently to satisfy the desires.
It is like being hungry and your wife starving you of food, where just down the road you get it freely offered on a plate !
Food for thought ?
Men stray for a number or reasons: 1. Ho Hum Sex. the same way, the same time, and nothing to write home about. 2. Non exsistant or infrequent sex, or a woman making excuses of tiredness or headache 3. Being taken for granted and not making the effort to make him loved and felt special, time together out and about, romantic nights away.
4. Expected to be a walking bank. 5. Getting away from being continually nagged. 6. A wife who is not prepared to spend time with or take interest in the same things, or at least try. 7. Not taking the effort in appearance. 8. Continually arguing. 9. Not allowing space within the marrage for interests and hobies and close friends. 10. Jelousy and acusing ways and possibly loads more.
Of course no one is perfect and there are possibly faults on his side too. Find out why he cheated and compramise so the same thing does not happen again.
Most men think that the grass is greener on the other side, when in fact it is different. This thing could be a one off, and may not have been the exciting event that was imagined. It could be a wake up call for you both, he could be deeply sorry and feel guilty, but you must take some responsibility, as there are two sides to this story.
Cheating on a spouse is brought about sometimes by the staleness of the relationship. It is a bit like playing your favourite music or eating your favourite food, morning, noon, night, every day, every week, every month of the year. In time you do have too much of a good thing, so I personally believe in space within a relationship and openess and honesty, that is why my relationship has lasted 44 years !
Oh sorry I forgot to give a score from 1 to 10 well this would not happen to me as I am too honest and I expect my partner to be the same. We have our friends, but we both have each other.
I have utter confidence as love is trust and trust is love !
Love must be equal at all times, otherwise there is no love.
My score would be 0. as I have 1000% confidence in my partner not to cheat as there would be absolutely no need.
Partners cheat on others when there is something seriously wrong with their relationship, where they no longer communicate, compomise and love one another !.
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