My problem is very complicated, but I will try my best to explain it as best as I can.
I was raped by a relative who is about 5 years older than I. We were drinking at a family party with other family members, and he had insisted on taking me home afterwards since he hardly drank and was busy making some sick plan in his mind to rape me.
Anyways, he did not take me home but took me to a motel instead where he repeatedly had sex with me while I was very intoxicated. In the morning upon waking up sober, he forced himself on me even though I kept telling him no and begging him to stop!
He wouldn't listen but threatened me that he would tell everyone that I came onto him if I were to tell anyone. He spent a great deal of time convincing me that I had no choice in the matter and that we were now lovers whether I liked it or not.
He then took me home, but continued to call me all hours of the day to check on what I was doing and to make sure that I did not talk to anyone.
Here's the worst part of it, he is already married and so am I. Our spouses had no idea what had happened and I was too scared to tell anyone, I felt disgusted and dirty.
Well I became pregnant and it is against my beliefs to abort an innocent life, so I kept the child, which made my then husband leave me. So I became seperated with my husband and ont he other hand was stalked by my cousin!
To make matters even worst, he is not only just a cousin, but my first cousin! He had cheated on his wife for so long with so many other women, but the difference is that I am his cousin!!!!!
His wife gives him the boot, around the same time I was patching things up with my husband. (Whom bless his heart, still loved me enough to care for another man's child!)
In all of the goings on, the father of my baby moves himself into my home, telling me that he needs my help and wants to marry me. He tells me that I should do it for the sake of our child, etc.
The problem is that I am fearful of him because I am a very tiny person and he is a big man. I am intimidated by his size and his temper.
He really forces his way and his life upon me and I feel like he is ruining life and tearing it apart, trying to make me feel guilty for everything! Including not helping him!
My husband and I were not able to get together like we had planned, since my cousin has forced his way back into my life! Don't get me wrong, I have attempted 3 times to kick him out of my home, but he keeps coming back and asking for another chance.
I am so miserable and I do not even love him like a wife should! In fact, each day I wake up to look at him, I think of a brother!!! I do love him for the fact he is the father of my child, but it's just not right!!!!
I am so sicekned by all of this, but am too afraid to try anything else and don't want to be abused or worst by him.
Can a relationship with a cheater who also happens to be your first cousin ever develop into anything more? I would also lie to mention that our child is not deformed or retarde in anyway, infact he is very smart for his age and progressing above average, so please no incestuous jokes or remarks about that.
This is a serious problem and I need to find a peaceful way out of this and how can I explain to my husband whom I love that I really want to be with him and not the crazy lunatic who is living in my home?I need advice on a very sticky situation. SERIOUS answers please!?
I hope you undestand that this is not a marriage. You are not his wife, and you have no obligation to feel or act like one. You owe him nothing. Less than nothing. He raped you. He is treating you like he has taken ownership of you. You are his victim. His slave. His hostage. Not his wife. Not his lover. The peaceful way out is the way that protects you and your child, period.
Your husband should be helping you if he loves you. But it is not any man who will rescue you. It is you. There are people who can help. If you want your husband to know you're serious about him, you need to prove it by doing reasonable and necessary things. If you do the things that help YOU, those things will solve the problem of your husband understanding. Following is an explanation of those things with as much clarity as I can manage.
Okay, listen to me please.
If you want to call me, email me at thegoddess38464@yahoo.com.
Please check out these links:
http://www.google.com/search?client=oper鈥?/a>
http://www.google.com/search?client=oper鈥?/a>
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en%26amp;clien鈥?/a>
(SORRY! Yahoo took out most of the link addresses. Search 24 hour rape hotlines. Search PTSD, Shock,Rape. Search Stockholm Syndrome.Search signs of abusive relationships. )
The fact that he is your cousin has absolutely nothing to do with this, and no bearing on the issue whatsoever.
Imagine for a moment that he was not your cousin, and you had not had strong ties to him your entire life.
What kind of relationship starts with a rape? You should have called the police when it happened. You still can. I am not saying you should have like you're a bad person for not doing it. I know why you didn't. For one thing, he's a relative, and we're all a little funny when it comes to family. We let them get away with a lot. For another thing, you were attacked. Rape is not sex. Rape is a serious act of violence. I've heard it put this way... You can't beat someone over the head with a frying pan and call it cooking. You can't attack someone using force and your penis and call it sex, or call them your lover. You are not his lover. You are someone he violently attacked. This was physical and emotional abuse and one of the worst kinds.
There is no doubt whatever that you have post traumatic stress disorder. Your question exhibited many signs. I have post traumatic stress disorder after witnessing a bloody violent murder, and I do not believe that what I saw is nearly as bad (for me,) as what you experienced. But I DO know what PTSD is, and you are going through it right now. You are too in shock to deal with this man. You are too in shock to know what to do. You are not making rational decisions that will protect you because you are operating on auto pilot. You identify with your attacker, which happens, and it is understandable. It is a survival mechanism. Not only have you been brutally violated, but you are being held hostage, stalked, and controlled by fear tactics. You are in danger. You do not know what kind of danger you are in. He may not kill you, but he is killing your spirit. You have to take care of yourself. You have to take care of the child. You have to fight back.
He MUST NOT KNOW that you plan to do anything. Make a plan, and get out, no matter what you have to do. Do it without his knowledge, preferably when he's out for long enough that you're long gone by the time he gets back. You need a safe house for a while. Maybe a domestic violence shelter. Maybe a house of a friend or relative. You know what? You can come stay at my house.
That child is not his child. That child is your child, and the child of the man who loves him. Love makes parents. Rapists, stalkers, and abusers do not know what love is. I'm sorry. He does not. Get out. Look in your phone book for domestic violence shelters. They will keep you safe, give you counseling so you can heal, and help you rebuild your life. You need to be there with your child so you can both be safe until you are past the shock. You are not past the shock.
Men who exhibit this kind of behavior often will molest and rape small children of any sex and age. I guarantee you are not the only woman he's raped, abused, stalked, and attempted to control. I don't know how I can be sure to get through to you the reality of your situation, because I know what kind of shock and denial you are in. I've been there. But please, if not for you, for the child, and for women he'll attack in the future, please read the information in the links, and please consider what I'm saying.
Get out. Consider having him prosecuted. The statute of limitations to prosecute a rape is 10 years, but if there were other crimes, it is extended. There were other crimes. Also, when the victim is too in shock and controlled to come forward for a period of time, the statute is sometimes lifted. I know... I KNOW you don't want to hurt him and ruin his life. But look what he's done to you. This won't be the end of it. Please hear me.I need advice on a very sticky situation. SERIOUS answers please!?
get your husband to read what you just wrote.... and go to the police about your cousin, he has ruined your life....
im sorry i couldnt help... i could only bear to read half of ur story... thats ****ed up! im sorry.
First you need to call the your husband and tell him what happened and i mean everything, it sounds to me like he would understand. then call the cops and have your cusion arrested and get a restraining order have your husband move in and try to get some counseling to help you with the whole situation also have your husband go with you for support
good luck and i hope you prevail
If you don't do something about this whole situation, you'll suffer, mentally as well as in terms of being able to have relationships.
You should report this rapist cousin of yours to the police. You have a child who will provide proof of what he did. If he raped his own cousin, who's saying who else he's already raped or will rape. He is already trying to control you and your life. Kick him out of the house - he is scum and should NOT be in your life at all. Don't even think of carrying on a relationship with him - he has already proved to be totally unsuitable as a prospective partner.
If you want to be with your proper husband, you need to tell him too, and make it clear that what you need from him is support, not for him to be an extra burden. Seek marriage guidance/counselling if need be.
Most important of all, through all this, love your child. I don't know how old he/she is but kids can pick up on emotional turmoil. The child may think if you're rejecting the cousin/father thn you'll reject the child too.
Get the support of your family and true friends and send that disgusting excuse for a cousin to jail where he belongs.
In all honesty, I didn't and couldn't read the whole thing. From what I did read, you seem to let people use you for their own sefl-satisfaction and you don't retaliate. Babygirl, pull your self-worth out of the trash and stand up for yourself because if you don't, well, this kind of crap is going to continue. Now as to the rape, you better report that crap and let the chips fall where they may. You are better than what you give yourself credit for and you better start giving those that walk all over your your behind to kiss. I am putting you in prayer for ';strength'; to be sent your way and please, please never forget, that you are just as important and worthy of being respected and treated as such. God Bless.
have him thrown in jail i im glad you kept your baby because its not your babys fault love it like a mother should
Honey, you need some SERIOUS HELP!! This lunatic has messed with your head so much that you don't know up from down anymore!
You need to go to your local police dept., tell them your entire story, and they will get him out of your home!
Then, go to your husband, and tell him the entire story, and I'll bet he will be more than willing to come back home to take care of you and the baby!
Then, all of you will need to seek some counselling to help you and your husband get your marriage back on track and to help you put all the anger and emotional trauma of the rape behind you as much as one can!
Good luck to you!
If he wont leave you need to simple as that.
Put the house up for sale we are in a recession you can buy a new house easily
so get out now
it sucks that your life is sooo screwed
first of all you need to go to the cops if he wont leave your house. Get an order of protection. Press rape charges. And if your ';husband was a real man he would kick the livin S**T out of your cousin.
Go to your husband Try to convince him You love him And you have an error .Prior to this Cut your relationship with your cousin
Take your husband and Get Out .chI am ange Place of residence.I am so sorry for you
You answered your own question at the end.
You are trying to ';find a peaceful way out of this';. You cannot and will not ever find a peaceful solution to something that started out as savage and brutal as the way this started.
You are trying to sustain a lie. You are doing everything you can to protect everyone around you except YOU!
At what point do you think it would be appropriate for ';him'; to be held accountable for his actions? Why is it that you feel that YOU should be the one being held accountable for his actions?
Yeah. This will be really tough. Gather your forces around you including the police and the courts and stand up for yourself.
As long as you continue to hide behind this false belief in ';peace'; - you will never find healing.
I would offer that you have a huge piece of this irresponsibility because it was you that got drunk in the first place. Your words above show no sign of personal responsibility in this. You, like most people that get into trouble because of drugs/alcohol usually try to shift the blame for the illicit behavior over to the drugs/alcohol instead of taking full responsibility and accountability for YOUR OWN ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOR!
This is why you want to find a peaceful solution. Otherwise, you will have to face the truth that the reason all this happened was because of YOU!
There is a way out and you don't see it.
Explain to your husband what really took place. Tell him that you really love him and you are willing to take it into the hands of the law. If you want to be in peace with your husband, then put this lunatic away for repeated rape, sexual harassment and stalking to end this nightmare. I can tell you love your husband and this was never your fault. Ask your husband to kick his *** out. Meanwhile put a Restraining Order on this maniac. Let him go to prison so he can get raped time after time and see how it feels.
PS. Save this present page and let your husband have a good look at it. Also make a printable copy just in case, it might help you in court. Personally, I feel for you and your husband, but mostly you. Do not hessitate. Do what you have to do. Save your marriage.
We are with you. Please be storng. I will pray for you until I hear different. God bless you. God I'm upset!
i think you should show this page to your husband, maybe he dosnt realise how in deep you are, i would report the cousin to the police asap. move far far away and let your other family members know whats going on, secretly tape ur cousin threatning you or something ( nanny cam or audio) for proof. do something! stand up for urself!.
GO TO YOUR EX OR CURRENT HUSBAND!!he needs to know!both of you are supposed to be honest to each other and if he knew the truth then he might change his mind..im so sorry this happened to you and im very glad you didnt abort your child,,its not the childs fault who the father his and it happened and you cant go back in time...this is NOTTTT your fault at all.how old are you and your cousin?
i hope you tell him the truth he needs to know p.s this isnt your fault at all and im not saying this like it is your fault
good luck i hope everything goes well
tell him the truth how you feel and also what happen to you. your husband should understand why you kept it from him. just tell him you really love him and want to be with him and not the crazy *** whole. well i hope you do the right thing. good luck
Friday, August 20, 2010
Can anyone else relate?
I am a very happily married man and this is my second marriage. The first marriage of 15 years ended rather messy because of infidelity on the part of my spouse. I have constantly criticized her for going outside of our marriage all the while withholding any physical contact with me. I am not just talking days; I am referring to years of abstinence. This was supposed to be a medical condition on her part, physical contact was too painful for her. So what do you do, leave her? What kind of person would that make me?
Now here I am 7 years later with an incredible wife and a loving home and what do I do? Fall for another woman. Don鈥檛 get me wrong there has been no inappropriate activity or any kind of situation that would constitute an affair; however there are definitely strong feelings on both parts I think. This girl is smart, funny, and beautiful; I mean she is drop dead gorgeous. I have not perused her nor will I.
This is my situation, after years of disdain for my ex-wife and preaching about how wrong it is to cheat. I have been humbled in the respect that for the first time in my life I understand why some people get tempted. I mean this person in my life is the only individual that has ever made me question my principals and I believe this situation was dealt to me to help me understand and perhaps even forgive.
Can anyone else relate?Can anyone else relate?
Yes, there are many spices out there and only a few get into ones taste buds, but if you are committed to one spice and enjoy it, then that is all you would need, temptations are put out there for effect, and fantasy, leave it were it belongs and preserve the spice you have. To love one is a blessing to love another as well is a torture against your being, choose what you want most. and commit to that be it your wife, your fantasy girl, your honor, your pride, self worth.
Good luck its not easy but its all part of this great adventureCan anyone else relate?
I can relate in the sense that, whenever I answer questions here, I try to remember the saying, ';There but for the grace of God go I.'; In general, people are not truly evil - they're trying to do their best but sometimes failing. What's important is to try your best to be a good person, and to do the right thing, no matter what temptations life might present you.
Yes lots of guys can relate. It's easy for others on here to say a cheat is the scum of the earth but they've most likely never been put in a position where they entertained the idea. My ex decided after our second child was one year old that we wouldn't have more so we didn't need to have sex. She did relent very little. After years of begging and pleading I just couldn't take it anymore and left. Did I stray? Yes! I don't condone cheating either. Sometimes though you can be put in a position that just pushes you over the edge. You've got to do what's good for you. A long life without sex is going to turn you bitter.
Forgiveness can come in many packages and yours came skin tight. The fact that you ';fall'; for another individual does not constitute to infidelity, that is where real character, wisdom and maturity kicks in and it is obvious you have not reached that point yet in your life.
Instead of ';relating'; to your ex and finding an excuse in her behavior for your present unfaithful thinking, you should find it in your heart to act the way a true man would act, the way you would have chosen her to act instead of falling to the pit of adultery..
If you do not love your wife, divorce her and avoid hurting her like your ex did to you. Then you can re-consider this fling you now have which most likely fade away once is not the forbidden any longer.
Now here I am 7 years later with an incredible wife and a loving home and what do I do? Fall for another woman. Don鈥檛 get me wrong there has been no inappropriate activity or any kind of situation that would constitute an affair; however there are definitely strong feelings on both parts I think. This girl is smart, funny, and beautiful; I mean she is drop dead gorgeous. I have not perused her nor will I.
This is my situation, after years of disdain for my ex-wife and preaching about how wrong it is to cheat. I have been humbled in the respect that for the first time in my life I understand why some people get tempted. I mean this person in my life is the only individual that has ever made me question my principals and I believe this situation was dealt to me to help me understand and perhaps even forgive.
Can anyone else relate?Can anyone else relate?
Yes, there are many spices out there and only a few get into ones taste buds, but if you are committed to one spice and enjoy it, then that is all you would need, temptations are put out there for effect, and fantasy, leave it were it belongs and preserve the spice you have. To love one is a blessing to love another as well is a torture against your being, choose what you want most. and commit to that be it your wife, your fantasy girl, your honor, your pride, self worth.
Good luck its not easy but its all part of this great adventureCan anyone else relate?
I can relate in the sense that, whenever I answer questions here, I try to remember the saying, ';There but for the grace of God go I.'; In general, people are not truly evil - they're trying to do their best but sometimes failing. What's important is to try your best to be a good person, and to do the right thing, no matter what temptations life might present you.
Yes lots of guys can relate. It's easy for others on here to say a cheat is the scum of the earth but they've most likely never been put in a position where they entertained the idea. My ex decided after our second child was one year old that we wouldn't have more so we didn't need to have sex. She did relent very little. After years of begging and pleading I just couldn't take it anymore and left. Did I stray? Yes! I don't condone cheating either. Sometimes though you can be put in a position that just pushes you over the edge. You've got to do what's good for you. A long life without sex is going to turn you bitter.
Forgiveness can come in many packages and yours came skin tight. The fact that you ';fall'; for another individual does not constitute to infidelity, that is where real character, wisdom and maturity kicks in and it is obvious you have not reached that point yet in your life.
Instead of ';relating'; to your ex and finding an excuse in her behavior for your present unfaithful thinking, you should find it in your heart to act the way a true man would act, the way you would have chosen her to act instead of falling to the pit of adultery..
If you do not love your wife, divorce her and avoid hurting her like your ex did to you. Then you can re-consider this fling you now have which most likely fade away once is not the forbidden any longer.
Is this ok when wife goes out with old college friends?
seems right now she wants to go out with her old friends ,found on face-book from college, ok guys and girls, just dont trust some of them feel jealous right now ,wife wants to keep them from me ,right now , i wonder how other spouse's feel?
is that ok, my wife is a good girl not worried ,if she was to cheat but always vigilant,why do i feel this way and yes i have asked to go out with her but have been told no, i think because i am a social person who can be life of party she is afraid i'll take over.
just doesn't sit well and has anyone else dealt with this ?Is this ok when wife goes out with old college friends?
I think it's fine if a wife goes out with old friends. My wife does some regular catching up with a couple old friends, and every now and then she meets a new friend. Sometimes she'll buy a sexy new outfit before going out, but the best part is that she's always quite amorous when she gets home from her night out, even if she gets home at 3 in the morning.Is this ok when wife goes out with old college friends?
anytime you are ';told'; no about accompanying your spouse in such situations that is not acceptable. you say she is a ';good girl'; but you apparently have doubts about her intentions.
you need to go with her so they know you and you know them. it doesnt have to be every time but i firmly believe there should be no secrets. what is her issue with you meeting them? you say its because you'll be the life of the party but is that what she thinks? ask her.
if you are satisfied after meeting them and feel secure with it then let her go out.
i think it would be ok for her to go out with her female friends a couple of times solo and then bring you in (ya know girl stuff). but male friends, you defiantly need to be involved from day one. never know could be exs and they may have feeling for her still.... but you need to be involved. remind her when she would get pissed when you hung out with your guy friends and not with her.
Of course it is not right, she knows it and you know it. Let her decide them or you then walk out the door if she picks them over you. You don't want to waste your time on such a woman.
You %26amp; your wife shouldn't do EVERYTHING together. You both need time with your own separate friends. I wouldn't worry about it. Let her have fun and stop smothering her!!
why not, the important in marriage to stay smooth and long time bonding is the TRUST to one another.let her go for a change you know
If you trust your wife, then let her catch up with old friends. besides they are probally married and have kids. Everyone is entitled to have friends who are the opposite sex. So dont worry so much
You should be included. You are married. That is kinda the deal you both signed up for.
Don't worry, they are all grown up now, I'm sure some of the others are married as well, let her have a good time.
let her live her own life
It actually kind of depends. On the one hand, you must both have separate things to do, people to know, places to go, but on the other hand you are married and that means you are sharing your lives with each other.
So all I can tell you is you must communicate. Ask her why she feels such a need to keep this part of her life to herself. BE CALM. Be gentle. You have a right to know, but you'll push her away if you scream and cry and panic.
Be open, tell her you feel insecure, and just want reassurance. Tell her you love her and you're feeling concerned, but if the answer is more simple than you think, believe her until given a good reason not to, as marriage is based on trust, and you must trust to gain hers.
Okay, let me try to help you with a serious answer.
I too met a lot of old friends on facebook and elsewhere, some of them were old flames to boot. I did go out with them, re-lived some fantasies,but it affected my married life with my wife not really trusting me. While all I was up to was innocent flirting, this wasn't how my wife saw it. Things came to such a pass that we seriously considered separating. Then we sat and spoke it out - she told me what she felt offended by, and I told her what I was really up to.
She came to accept my need for friendship, and I accepted her need to feel secure. Our relationship is back to its old magic and now we both laugh off our insensitiveness.
Please talk it out and come to a mutually accepted solution. No relationship is worth breaking just because of fears, doubts and misgivings.
If she is telling you NO then that means no. If you suspect in anyway at all she is cheating (tho you said she isnt that kinda gal), then ask her flat out if she is.
Otherwise backoff and allow her some space away from you. One thing I think women get annoyed with is a husband who expects to be the center of her social delights. If your wife is a good woman (as u said she is) and is just thrilled to find a part of her life again...then I say back off and give her some space or else you risk making her feel untrusted, or worse, like you are smothering her. No grown woman enjoys being treated like another one of the kids.
If there are guys included, then YOU should be included. She is no longer a single person and shouldn't expect you to willingly be excluded. This one I would not budge on. I would NEVER have excluded my husband from such an occasion. This is just downright wrong.
Girls only, you don't necessarily have to be included more than occasionally. You could meet them, have a drink and then leave because you have something else to do. They certainly shouldn't be surprised that you would like to meet them.
I'll bet money that her friends would wonder what was going on between you and your wife if you were excluded from all social occasions. They'd probably think things were not so good between you. There are guys who certainly would think there was a possibility she was available.
Perhaps she would prefer that you not hear about any antics while she was in college.hair treatment skin lesions
is that ok, my wife is a good girl not worried ,if she was to cheat but always vigilant,why do i feel this way and yes i have asked to go out with her but have been told no, i think because i am a social person who can be life of party she is afraid i'll take over.
just doesn't sit well and has anyone else dealt with this ?Is this ok when wife goes out with old college friends?
I think it's fine if a wife goes out with old friends. My wife does some regular catching up with a couple old friends, and every now and then she meets a new friend. Sometimes she'll buy a sexy new outfit before going out, but the best part is that she's always quite amorous when she gets home from her night out, even if she gets home at 3 in the morning.Is this ok when wife goes out with old college friends?
anytime you are ';told'; no about accompanying your spouse in such situations that is not acceptable. you say she is a ';good girl'; but you apparently have doubts about her intentions.
you need to go with her so they know you and you know them. it doesnt have to be every time but i firmly believe there should be no secrets. what is her issue with you meeting them? you say its because you'll be the life of the party but is that what she thinks? ask her.
if you are satisfied after meeting them and feel secure with it then let her go out.
i think it would be ok for her to go out with her female friends a couple of times solo and then bring you in (ya know girl stuff). but male friends, you defiantly need to be involved from day one. never know could be exs and they may have feeling for her still.... but you need to be involved. remind her when she would get pissed when you hung out with your guy friends and not with her.
Of course it is not right, she knows it and you know it. Let her decide them or you then walk out the door if she picks them over you. You don't want to waste your time on such a woman.
You %26amp; your wife shouldn't do EVERYTHING together. You both need time with your own separate friends. I wouldn't worry about it. Let her have fun and stop smothering her!!
why not, the important in marriage to stay smooth and long time bonding is the TRUST to one another.let her go for a change you know
If you trust your wife, then let her catch up with old friends. besides they are probally married and have kids. Everyone is entitled to have friends who are the opposite sex. So dont worry so much
You should be included. You are married. That is kinda the deal you both signed up for.
Don't worry, they are all grown up now, I'm sure some of the others are married as well, let her have a good time.
let her live her own life
It actually kind of depends. On the one hand, you must both have separate things to do, people to know, places to go, but on the other hand you are married and that means you are sharing your lives with each other.
So all I can tell you is you must communicate. Ask her why she feels such a need to keep this part of her life to herself. BE CALM. Be gentle. You have a right to know, but you'll push her away if you scream and cry and panic.
Be open, tell her you feel insecure, and just want reassurance. Tell her you love her and you're feeling concerned, but if the answer is more simple than you think, believe her until given a good reason not to, as marriage is based on trust, and you must trust to gain hers.
Okay, let me try to help you with a serious answer.
I too met a lot of old friends on facebook and elsewhere, some of them were old flames to boot. I did go out with them, re-lived some fantasies,but it affected my married life with my wife not really trusting me. While all I was up to was innocent flirting, this wasn't how my wife saw it. Things came to such a pass that we seriously considered separating. Then we sat and spoke it out - she told me what she felt offended by, and I told her what I was really up to.
She came to accept my need for friendship, and I accepted her need to feel secure. Our relationship is back to its old magic and now we both laugh off our insensitiveness.
Please talk it out and come to a mutually accepted solution. No relationship is worth breaking just because of fears, doubts and misgivings.
If she is telling you NO then that means no. If you suspect in anyway at all she is cheating (tho you said she isnt that kinda gal), then ask her flat out if she is.
Otherwise backoff and allow her some space away from you. One thing I think women get annoyed with is a husband who expects to be the center of her social delights. If your wife is a good woman (as u said she is) and is just thrilled to find a part of her life again...then I say back off and give her some space or else you risk making her feel untrusted, or worse, like you are smothering her. No grown woman enjoys being treated like another one of the kids.
If there are guys included, then YOU should be included. She is no longer a single person and shouldn't expect you to willingly be excluded. This one I would not budge on. I would NEVER have excluded my husband from such an occasion. This is just downright wrong.
Girls only, you don't necessarily have to be included more than occasionally. You could meet them, have a drink and then leave because you have something else to do. They certainly shouldn't be surprised that you would like to meet them.
I'll bet money that her friends would wonder what was going on between you and your wife if you were excluded from all social occasions. They'd probably think things were not so good between you. There are guys who certainly would think there was a possibility she was available.
Perhaps she would prefer that you not hear about any antics while she was in college.
Did I mess up everthing?
Did I mess up everything?
Hers' the deal. I am absolutly in love with this guy. We got involved together with our spouses at the same time. A 4some thing. None of us had ever done that before. Me and this guy feel in love and are still very much in love. My husband and I divorced and this other couple are just seperated. This guy has been trying to do the right thing for businesses and kids, we all have 2 kids. When the divorces started and even before then, this guy told me that my heart was safe in his hands and that he would never let me go. I let down every wall and every defense I had for this guy and trusted him completely. As the divorce started, this guy was loosing it because of how hard and painful this process was and pretty much shut me out of his life. He told me we had to do our own thing for a while but did not want me to see anyone else. This has been going on for 9 months now and he is still just seperated. He says that once they get the refinancing done on their businesses they are signing papers. He has kept me a secret so his wife will stay peaceful.
Anyways, I still trust this guy that what he says is true but this has been very difficult on me. I cant be a part of his life nore is he planning anything with me. I feel very vulnerable to a of of things right now and he has hurt me so many times throughout this last 9 months. He would take off for weeks at a time to go see his kids but his wife was there and would not talk to me the whole time. He said he felt guilty when he was with me sometimes because of the kids, and he would leave and go see his friends for a month or so.
I have tried to remain calm and try to support him but throughout this process I had kissed a couple guys and then I ended up going home with another guy. I dont know why I did, I think it was because I am very insecure about a lot of things right now. I told this guy about all of it and now he says he can t trust me, I cheated on him and he's done with me. I left a lot for this guy and I do feel as if I cheated on him. I feel horrible about it. But he thinks that he has been right throughout this whole thing. He know he hurt me but he said he was trying to do the right thing.
I guess my question is. Is did I mess it all up between me and this guy? Do you think he did? Is there any hope for us?Did I mess up everthing?
whether it was messed or not it wasn't your fault. That's an A-grade tricky *** situation you were both in. Like a 9.9 degree of difficulty. one slip and it goes to ****.
He slipped up first, not managing the divorce and you properly.
You slipped up going home with another guy.
Not because you were unfaithful, since you didn't owe him any faith yet anyway.
But just because its obvious you still liked the other guy enough that his reaction has hurt you. You slipped up on your own feelings , not his trust. You didn't owe him any trust anyway.
is there any hope? of course there is. no gaurantees but there is always hope. Its still tricky, but not as bad as it was before at least. That's a fact.
Give him some timeDid I mess up everthing?
Yep.
Nope.
Nope.
That was his excuse to break it off with you. He never really planned on leaving his wife for you. He just wanted to be able to have sex with you behind her back, so she wouldn't mess around either.
For now on, stick to one person, who is single and don't do the swinging crap anymore. NOTHING good ever comes from it.
Seriously? Would you really define something where you have been a 'secret', a relationship?? This whole thing is a sham, this guy is able to have his cake and eat it too. Not only that, he's convinced you that you are in a relationship and don't have the right to date others. You have to take some of that blame too.
Take a step back and look at the situation. You didn't mess up, the whole thing was messed up to begin with (do you think he wouldn't do the same thing to you that he did to his 'wife'). Is there any hope for you... NO WAY!
karma.
First off there is always hope, second if you are a piece of meat he has on the side waiting for him to get things strait, he has no room to complain. He should of been taking care of you, and that is his fault. As for what you did, that will have to be worked out with him, and there is not telling how a person will react in these cases. Talk it out with him and tell him the truth, but remember that he is still with his wife and that should make u ? his intentions.
Hers' the deal. I am absolutly in love with this guy. We got involved together with our spouses at the same time. A 4some thing. None of us had ever done that before. Me and this guy feel in love and are still very much in love. My husband and I divorced and this other couple are just seperated. This guy has been trying to do the right thing for businesses and kids, we all have 2 kids. When the divorces started and even before then, this guy told me that my heart was safe in his hands and that he would never let me go. I let down every wall and every defense I had for this guy and trusted him completely. As the divorce started, this guy was loosing it because of how hard and painful this process was and pretty much shut me out of his life. He told me we had to do our own thing for a while but did not want me to see anyone else. This has been going on for 9 months now and he is still just seperated. He says that once they get the refinancing done on their businesses they are signing papers. He has kept me a secret so his wife will stay peaceful.
Anyways, I still trust this guy that what he says is true but this has been very difficult on me. I cant be a part of his life nore is he planning anything with me. I feel very vulnerable to a of of things right now and he has hurt me so many times throughout this last 9 months. He would take off for weeks at a time to go see his kids but his wife was there and would not talk to me the whole time. He said he felt guilty when he was with me sometimes because of the kids, and he would leave and go see his friends for a month or so.
I have tried to remain calm and try to support him but throughout this process I had kissed a couple guys and then I ended up going home with another guy. I dont know why I did, I think it was because I am very insecure about a lot of things right now. I told this guy about all of it and now he says he can t trust me, I cheated on him and he's done with me. I left a lot for this guy and I do feel as if I cheated on him. I feel horrible about it. But he thinks that he has been right throughout this whole thing. He know he hurt me but he said he was trying to do the right thing.
I guess my question is. Is did I mess it all up between me and this guy? Do you think he did? Is there any hope for us?Did I mess up everthing?
whether it was messed or not it wasn't your fault. That's an A-grade tricky *** situation you were both in. Like a 9.9 degree of difficulty. one slip and it goes to ****.
He slipped up first, not managing the divorce and you properly.
You slipped up going home with another guy.
Not because you were unfaithful, since you didn't owe him any faith yet anyway.
But just because its obvious you still liked the other guy enough that his reaction has hurt you. You slipped up on your own feelings , not his trust. You didn't owe him any trust anyway.
is there any hope? of course there is. no gaurantees but there is always hope. Its still tricky, but not as bad as it was before at least. That's a fact.
Give him some timeDid I mess up everthing?
Yep.
Nope.
Nope.
That was his excuse to break it off with you. He never really planned on leaving his wife for you. He just wanted to be able to have sex with you behind her back, so she wouldn't mess around either.
For now on, stick to one person, who is single and don't do the swinging crap anymore. NOTHING good ever comes from it.
Seriously? Would you really define something where you have been a 'secret', a relationship?? This whole thing is a sham, this guy is able to have his cake and eat it too. Not only that, he's convinced you that you are in a relationship and don't have the right to date others. You have to take some of that blame too.
Take a step back and look at the situation. You didn't mess up, the whole thing was messed up to begin with (do you think he wouldn't do the same thing to you that he did to his 'wife'). Is there any hope for you... NO WAY!
karma.
First off there is always hope, second if you are a piece of meat he has on the side waiting for him to get things strait, he has no room to complain. He should of been taking care of you, and that is his fault. As for what you did, that will have to be worked out with him, and there is not telling how a person will react in these cases. Talk it out with him and tell him the truth, but remember that he is still with his wife and that should make u ? his intentions.
Did I mess up everything?
Hers' the deal. I am absolutly in love with this guy. We got involved together with our spouses at the same time. A 4some thing. None of us had ever done that before. Me and this guy feel in love and are still very much in love. My husband and I divorced and this other couple are just seperated. This guy has been trying to do the right thing for businesses and kids, we all have 2 kids. When the divorces started and even before then, this guy told me that my heart was safe in his hands and that he would never let me go. I let down every wall and every defense I had for this guy and trusted him completely. As the divorce started, this guy was loosing it because of how hard and painful this process was and pretty much shut me out of his life. He told me we had to do our own thing for a while but did not want me to see anyone else. This has been going on for 9 months now and he is still just seperated. He says that once they get the refinancing done on their businesses they are signing papers. He has kept me a secret so his wife will stay peaceful.
Anyways, I still trust this guy that what he says is true but this has been very difficult on me. I cant be a part of his life nore is he planning anything with me. I feel very vulnerable to a of of things right now and he has hurt me so many times throughout this last 9 months. He would take off for weeks at a time to go see his kids but his wife was there and would not talk to me the whole time. He said he felt guilty when he was with me sometimes because of the kids, and he would leave and go see his friends for a month or so.
I have tried to remain calm and try to support him but throughout this process I had kissed a couple guys and then I ended up going home with another guy. I dont know why I did, I think it was because I am very insecure about a lot of things right now. I told this guy about all of it and now he says he can t trust me, I cheated on him and he's done with me. I left a lot for this guy and I do feel as if I cheated on him. I feel horrible about it. But he thinks that he has been right throughout this whole thing. He know he hurt me but he said he was trying to do the right thing.
I guess my question is. Is did I mess it all up between me and this guy? Do you think he did? Is there any hope for us?Did I mess up everything?
this question should be in the single and dating category sectionDid I mess up everything?
yes and no
Anyways, I still trust this guy that what he says is true but this has been very difficult on me. I cant be a part of his life nore is he planning anything with me. I feel very vulnerable to a of of things right now and he has hurt me so many times throughout this last 9 months. He would take off for weeks at a time to go see his kids but his wife was there and would not talk to me the whole time. He said he felt guilty when he was with me sometimes because of the kids, and he would leave and go see his friends for a month or so.
I have tried to remain calm and try to support him but throughout this process I had kissed a couple guys and then I ended up going home with another guy. I dont know why I did, I think it was because I am very insecure about a lot of things right now. I told this guy about all of it and now he says he can t trust me, I cheated on him and he's done with me. I left a lot for this guy and I do feel as if I cheated on him. I feel horrible about it. But he thinks that he has been right throughout this whole thing. He know he hurt me but he said he was trying to do the right thing.
I guess my question is. Is did I mess it all up between me and this guy? Do you think he did? Is there any hope for us?Did I mess up everything?
this question should be in the single and dating category sectionDid I mess up everything?
yes and no
Should I break it off?
My fiance and I have been together a little over 5 years we just found out we were expecting in Jan. about 6 months after we got engaged which we weren't planning on having children anytime soon(I was on birth control) but things happen, so we've accepted it and have become excited after the inital shock and fear. We have had some problems, such as he cheated on me early on and he had a minor drug problem (marijuana) and a few other little bumps. But I've pretty much let those problems go and can work through those kind of problems. I guess my main problem is the relationship with him and his family. And I understand everybody is raised differently, and maybe there relationship is normal, and that the family relationship I've been raised around is abnormal. But that's why I'm here, to get everyone elses opinion. On if their relationship is normal, if not is this something I should break it off over, or if you have opinions on how to handle the situation. I was always raised that family is important, but as you become an adult priorities shift a little, then when you find your partner and start a family priorities shift even more. And that you do as I guess the bible says leave your mother and father cling to your wife. And I don't mean you don't see them anymore but you share your life and make decsions with your spouse and take care of your ';new'; family together. BUT his family (mainly his stepmother) seem to try and control his life and mine. Now we are both adults and when they try to tell me what I need to be doing, I try to thank them for their opinion but I've made my decsion or something of that sort. But say he has a doctor's appointment she has to with him like he's still a child. He has to go to court today, and I asked him do you want me to go with you for support? (I had the day off anyways) No he says I don't want anybody to go, I'm an adult I can go on my own. Then I call him while he's on his way, to wish him luck and asked him to call me when he gets out to let me know how things go. And he tells me he's in the car with his stepmom that she was taking him, because she wanted to be there for him. And if she throws her opinion in on something, or calls and says she want's to come over and help with the nursery or wants to take me to a doctors appointment, and I say no for some reason, since we live together she'll call him, and get him to say yes and next thing I know she's at the house. And I understand people get excited when a baby's coming into the picture, and I her help sometimes, but sometimes I'd just like to do things on my own. I've tried talking to him and explaining I think this is problem and can't deal with it but it doesn't seem to help. Am I wrong and what should I do?Should I break it off?
it does seem like his step mother really drives his life...
sometimes those family bonds are hard for some people to break as adults, and unfortunetly they develop sort of a co-depency (where they are still attached to family when they really should be focusing on how to make a life of their own)
i would sit him down one day and talk to him about how you feel. i would tell him that you feel uncomfortable with his step mother having a hand in everything that he does in life. (only admit what you are truly feeling, do not allow anger to control your emotions)
if he says that he is not willing to change, i would let him know that it's really pulling you away from him and that you feel like you would have trouble making things work if his 'ways' continue.Should I break it off?
I would say to you is nobody is listening I would break it off until he does listen because this women is very bossy and is very controlling and is not growing up and this women needs to know her place you have no personal life
Remember 1Corinthians 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
It takes a strong woman to put up with men like us. I thank god every day for my wife. He does too I bet.
God bless, and congrats.
In my opinion, you are plently old enough to make your own decisions. If you've been engaged for 5 years, then you have to be at least in your twenties. If you're having a child with this man, then letting his family get in the way is definitely NOT worth it! Tell him to man up and that you and your baby need him right now - not his step mother.
it does seem like his step mother really drives his life...
sometimes those family bonds are hard for some people to break as adults, and unfortunetly they develop sort of a co-depency (where they are still attached to family when they really should be focusing on how to make a life of their own)
i would sit him down one day and talk to him about how you feel. i would tell him that you feel uncomfortable with his step mother having a hand in everything that he does in life. (only admit what you are truly feeling, do not allow anger to control your emotions)
if he says that he is not willing to change, i would let him know that it's really pulling you away from him and that you feel like you would have trouble making things work if his 'ways' continue.Should I break it off?
I would say to you is nobody is listening I would break it off until he does listen because this women is very bossy and is very controlling and is not growing up and this women needs to know her place you have no personal life
Remember 1Corinthians 13: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
It takes a strong woman to put up with men like us. I thank god every day for my wife. He does too I bet.
God bless, and congrats.
In my opinion, you are plently old enough to make your own decisions. If you've been engaged for 5 years, then you have to be at least in your twenties. If you're having a child with this man, then letting his family get in the way is definitely NOT worth it! Tell him to man up and that you and your baby need him right now - not his step mother.
Would you confront the ';other'; woman? ?
In more detail, the other woman as previously posted was at the divorce class, sat across from me, crying-wiping tears and sharing how her husband had cheated on her, and now they were 7weeks going through a divorce- he filed and they have no children. As I had said my husband and I were at the meeting and I shared what brought us to this point. Our divorce issue was because my husband hates my oldest son-period of whom he has been his Dad for 16yrs., my son has problems, and I refused to abandon him, turn my back on him (he is 22). No other reason honestly. My husband asked me to choose b/n my son or him. (My son does not live with us) I did not return to those mtgs, my husband said I humiliated myself?, within 2weeks the crying woman and my husband ';hooked up'; He sent her roses at work, the card said ';Thanks so much for being my friend, can't wait to see you again'; and a week later met at a budget chain hotel.Notice how neither one took each other back to their own homes? When I found out all of this I was upset, because I loved my husband very much, was forced to choose one of my children or my marriage.
I called the crying woman at her job, introduced myself as the wife(at that point I did not know she was the woman who sat across from me or that she had slept with my husband- he confessed later) I did upset her by calling, she confessed she had to take a xanax and couldn't take care of her next client. Guilt? I shook her up? She knew then she was wrong for what she did? When I asked her how she met my husband, she downplayed everything condescendingly, including not knowing he still lived with me, I told her he still sleeps in my bed! and then she came up with a story they knew each other previously from the past. That she never passed judgement on me, and was open minded about me? WTH? Then out of no where said she had alot of problems of her own? After we hung up I was in shock, she immediately called my husband, who then called me. Before I knew it she had called me back, spouting how she told my husband he had too much ';drama';, that she had met a ';wonderful man'; she had been seeing for a few weeks, and basically good luck. My husband in a nutshell told me not bother her again, that I have embarrassed him enough.?
It has been 8months since that call, my husband and I are in counseling, he hasn't spoken to her, we have managed to work thru alot- I confronted him and his behavior- he tried to blame me, by saying he wasn't looking, but that I gave her to him.? Understanding what that whole trist was about-THEM.Insecure, desperate, needy and pathetic. Their only commonality was emotional baggage, spouse bashing for sympathy- in my case it was my son. A sick rebound at best. Self Deception: The truth that survives, is simply the lie that is the pleasantest to believe. She was a repository for my husband's hurt over our marriage. I asked him if he had feelings for her, he said ';No, just the opposite.';?
My dilemma: I am still so angry at the nerve of this woman crossing the line into my life, my marriage, my family when she had enough of her own problems to deal with. She knew what she was doing (and so did he).They both knew they were still married, but pretending to be divorced. I really want this woman to know face to face or by thank you card, I know who she was, and why did she think it was her right to step into someone elses life, where she did pass judgement-void of all the real truths (none of her business to begin with) to sleep with my husband? She passed judgement when she opened her legs! The bottom line is I want to confront her, call her out on what she really participated in. Right now she's hiding behind in her own mind, that she is unknown. I wonder what her family or now ex-husband would think about her low down scandelous behavior?
It's all fun %26amp; games until someone really gets caught. What about where it all transpired? At a church organized divorce group.Would you confront the ';other'; woman? ?
I didnt and never would waste my breath on the other woman. I let her have him. Too much drama,, you need to set yourself free of it or it will tear you apart. In other words let it go, she is doomed no matter what you say or do to her.Would you confront the ';other'; woman? ?
Going to church doesn't make people religious.
I called the crying woman at her job, introduced myself as the wife(at that point I did not know she was the woman who sat across from me or that she had slept with my husband- he confessed later) I did upset her by calling, she confessed she had to take a xanax and couldn't take care of her next client. Guilt? I shook her up? She knew then she was wrong for what she did? When I asked her how she met my husband, she downplayed everything condescendingly, including not knowing he still lived with me, I told her he still sleeps in my bed! and then she came up with a story they knew each other previously from the past. That she never passed judgement on me, and was open minded about me? WTH? Then out of no where said she had alot of problems of her own? After we hung up I was in shock, she immediately called my husband, who then called me. Before I knew it she had called me back, spouting how she told my husband he had too much ';drama';, that she had met a ';wonderful man'; she had been seeing for a few weeks, and basically good luck. My husband in a nutshell told me not bother her again, that I have embarrassed him enough.?
It has been 8months since that call, my husband and I are in counseling, he hasn't spoken to her, we have managed to work thru alot- I confronted him and his behavior- he tried to blame me, by saying he wasn't looking, but that I gave her to him.? Understanding what that whole trist was about-THEM.Insecure, desperate, needy and pathetic. Their only commonality was emotional baggage, spouse bashing for sympathy- in my case it was my son. A sick rebound at best. Self Deception: The truth that survives, is simply the lie that is the pleasantest to believe. She was a repository for my husband's hurt over our marriage. I asked him if he had feelings for her, he said ';No, just the opposite.';?
My dilemma: I am still so angry at the nerve of this woman crossing the line into my life, my marriage, my family when she had enough of her own problems to deal with. She knew what she was doing (and so did he).They both knew they were still married, but pretending to be divorced. I really want this woman to know face to face or by thank you card, I know who she was, and why did she think it was her right to step into someone elses life, where she did pass judgement-void of all the real truths (none of her business to begin with) to sleep with my husband? She passed judgement when she opened her legs! The bottom line is I want to confront her, call her out on what she really participated in. Right now she's hiding behind in her own mind, that she is unknown. I wonder what her family or now ex-husband would think about her low down scandelous behavior?
It's all fun %26amp; games until someone really gets caught. What about where it all transpired? At a church organized divorce group.Would you confront the ';other'; woman? ?
I didnt and never would waste my breath on the other woman. I let her have him. Too much drama,, you need to set yourself free of it or it will tear you apart. In other words let it go, she is doomed no matter what you say or do to her.Would you confront the ';other'; woman? ?
Going to church doesn't make people religious.
How to deal with my emotionally cruel mother who talks bad about me to others???
My mother has always been what I affectionately refer to as ';rough around the edges'; but after a relatively recent split between my spouse of 10 yrs (and the father of my son) I've gotten to the point where I don't know if I should continue to have much of a relationship with her at all.
Admittedly I was shocked at the breakup of my relationship and felt blindsided. I was at the time unemployed, a full-time student, caring for our 1 year old son when my ex suddenly said that he didn't want to be with me anymore on Christmas because we'd been arguing too much. I had no money and no where to go. My own mother, wh lives in the same town with my dad, refused to even allow me to stay a single night because she said she didn't want me to think I could come home. Mind you, I moved out at 20 and am 30 now and never moved home in between that.
I would, howevre, go over to her and my dad's house a lot as I was lonely and wanted to be around family. Maybe I was going over too much, but instead of saying it tactfully she screamed that she couldn't stand me, she thought I'm weak and she's sick of seeing my face. The rejection from her made the whole breakup that much more painful.
Then she allows my sister who recently split from her ex to move home, no questions asked. She explained to everyone that it's because she gets along better with her since she's rarely around.
I know my mom didn't owe me to allow me to movce home but I felt really abandoned that I was in a tight spot and she wasn't really there for me.
I'm hurt and she still goes around to other family and her friends (I live in a ver small town... talking about how she doesn't think I'm handling the break up well and she's sick of me because I'm annoying her). I got a job working nearly full-time, finished a full-time semester on the honros list and have my 2 year old son when not doing one of the two. I've just been heartbroken as I found out his dad was cheating on me after he left.
She says I'm looking for her to be a comforting Mom and she's just not that way. But she goes around talking about how my sisters strong and doing well.
I'm humiliated by the things she's said about me. I feel my mom should be trying to make me look good to others rather than whining and gossiping about me to people when I've been going through a very hard time.
Now I barely go around her and have found a daycare for my son which he starts soon. But yet she still continues to complain about me, now it's because she thinks that I'm stupid for ';trying to give her the silent treatment'; and she's playng the victim like I'm being ';mean'; to her for not coming around as much.
How do I deal with her? I feel confused. I'm pathetic if I come around too much and immature if I stay away. I feel she keeps hurting me and when I've tried to talk to her she just gets very defensive and verbally attacks me making me feel like she, again, thinks I'm pathetic.
Advice?How to deal with my emotionally cruel mother who talks bad about me to others???
She's a *****, that's horrible. Any interest in moving away for a while? My mother is awful too, and is the same, hurt if I come to her, hurt if I don't. And whatever is happening in my (or my brother's) life, it becomes HER drama. It sucks. I moved. Its better, but not totally, 'cause it'll never be perfect, but at least I can hang up the phone if she starts going off. I know you shouldn't run from your problems, but sometimes its silly to stay in place and take on a bunch of other people's garbage (especially when you have enough to deal with - baby, ending a marriage)
oh btw, chances are if you see a negative character trait in her, then other people see it too (even if they don't comment on it). I believe that the truth will out. Your sister can deal with her. If your mother thinks she is so strong, maybe its because she is getting emotional and physical support from her mother. I think this is disgusting.How to deal with my emotionally cruel mother who talks bad about me to others???
you could print this off and post it to her
Advice:
Please do not offer up an abridged version of ';War and Peace'; with your question.
More advice:
You are an adult. You can choose who you associate with and who you don't. I get it that you'd very much like to have your mother's approval, but if it was anybody else would you endure this sort of treatment?
At some point you will have had enough and conclude that your continued interaction with this person is inspiring more grief than it's worth. For your sake, I pray it's sooner rather than later.
And - an empowering piece: you are the one who controls your emotions. I get it that her derision and condemnation are painful. With a little practice you will discover that she can say and do pretty much anything and if you've decided you're no longer going to be hurt by it, you won't be. She doesn't have some magic button that ';makes'; you feel or think anything. YOU are in control of YOU! Go for it!
OMGosh!She sounds like a b***h.At least your an adult and you don't have to go see her.I would stay away from her.She's negative and you don't need that.And I would stay away from the people she talks to too.I had some what a child hood like that.If you stay away for long enough they will see that you mean buisiness.And if not,well,their loss.You don't need that kind of bs in your life.Concentrate on you and your family.
Cheers.
Admittedly I was shocked at the breakup of my relationship and felt blindsided. I was at the time unemployed, a full-time student, caring for our 1 year old son when my ex suddenly said that he didn't want to be with me anymore on Christmas because we'd been arguing too much. I had no money and no where to go. My own mother, wh lives in the same town with my dad, refused to even allow me to stay a single night because she said she didn't want me to think I could come home. Mind you, I moved out at 20 and am 30 now and never moved home in between that.
I would, howevre, go over to her and my dad's house a lot as I was lonely and wanted to be around family. Maybe I was going over too much, but instead of saying it tactfully she screamed that she couldn't stand me, she thought I'm weak and she's sick of seeing my face. The rejection from her made the whole breakup that much more painful.
Then she allows my sister who recently split from her ex to move home, no questions asked. She explained to everyone that it's because she gets along better with her since she's rarely around.
I know my mom didn't owe me to allow me to movce home but I felt really abandoned that I was in a tight spot and she wasn't really there for me.
I'm hurt and she still goes around to other family and her friends (I live in a ver small town... talking about how she doesn't think I'm handling the break up well and she's sick of me because I'm annoying her). I got a job working nearly full-time, finished a full-time semester on the honros list and have my 2 year old son when not doing one of the two. I've just been heartbroken as I found out his dad was cheating on me after he left.
She says I'm looking for her to be a comforting Mom and she's just not that way. But she goes around talking about how my sisters strong and doing well.
I'm humiliated by the things she's said about me. I feel my mom should be trying to make me look good to others rather than whining and gossiping about me to people when I've been going through a very hard time.
Now I barely go around her and have found a daycare for my son which he starts soon. But yet she still continues to complain about me, now it's because she thinks that I'm stupid for ';trying to give her the silent treatment'; and she's playng the victim like I'm being ';mean'; to her for not coming around as much.
How do I deal with her? I feel confused. I'm pathetic if I come around too much and immature if I stay away. I feel she keeps hurting me and when I've tried to talk to her she just gets very defensive and verbally attacks me making me feel like she, again, thinks I'm pathetic.
Advice?How to deal with my emotionally cruel mother who talks bad about me to others???
She's a *****, that's horrible. Any interest in moving away for a while? My mother is awful too, and is the same, hurt if I come to her, hurt if I don't. And whatever is happening in my (or my brother's) life, it becomes HER drama. It sucks. I moved. Its better, but not totally, 'cause it'll never be perfect, but at least I can hang up the phone if she starts going off. I know you shouldn't run from your problems, but sometimes its silly to stay in place and take on a bunch of other people's garbage (especially when you have enough to deal with - baby, ending a marriage)
oh btw, chances are if you see a negative character trait in her, then other people see it too (even if they don't comment on it). I believe that the truth will out. Your sister can deal with her. If your mother thinks she is so strong, maybe its because she is getting emotional and physical support from her mother. I think this is disgusting.How to deal with my emotionally cruel mother who talks bad about me to others???
you could print this off and post it to her
Advice:
Please do not offer up an abridged version of ';War and Peace'; with your question.
More advice:
You are an adult. You can choose who you associate with and who you don't. I get it that you'd very much like to have your mother's approval, but if it was anybody else would you endure this sort of treatment?
At some point you will have had enough and conclude that your continued interaction with this person is inspiring more grief than it's worth. For your sake, I pray it's sooner rather than later.
And - an empowering piece: you are the one who controls your emotions. I get it that her derision and condemnation are painful. With a little practice you will discover that she can say and do pretty much anything and if you've decided you're no longer going to be hurt by it, you won't be. She doesn't have some magic button that ';makes'; you feel or think anything. YOU are in control of YOU! Go for it!
OMGosh!She sounds like a b***h.At least your an adult and you don't have to go see her.I would stay away from her.She's negative and you don't need that.And I would stay away from the people she talks to too.I had some what a child hood like that.If you stay away for long enough they will see that you mean buisiness.And if not,well,their loss.You don't need that kind of bs in your life.Concentrate on you and your family.
Cheers.
Difficutly with my marriage?
My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. We have a son and daughter together. But lately I have been feeling so distant from him. Like we have no connection. He is deployed right now, but I still feel like I don't love him anymore. I talk to him everyday so I feel like I dont' miss him at all. Everytime I talk to him on messenger or on the phone I just feel weird. I don't know why or what, I just feel horrible. He has lied to me in the past about a few stuff, nothing big like cheating, but on other topics. I would never dream of leaving my husband while he is fighting for our country, but I am so tired of fighting and dealing with the same stuff. We fight weekly and then we are in a good mood with one another for a couple of days before we are fighting again. Then we fight about the same stuff over and over again. I'm just tired of fighting and don't know if I love him anymore. How do you know if you love your spouse? How do you know when it is time to leave them?Difficutly with my marriage?
my hubby is deployed too. sometimes i feel the same way as u. your not alone. people don't understand military lifestyles. unless u are dealing with it. stay strong.Difficutly with my marriage?
Seems like you've got a loaded situation right now. I'd definitely talk with a counselor before you make any decisions, especially since you have children together and he is deployed. Have you thought or asked him how he is feeling lately? This also may be helpful to understand why you are arguing alot. Sometimes, we don't know what is going on with the other person and how they are feeling. That's my two cents...
Right now, your marriage is tough. All marriages go through times where things are difficult, but your's is especially difficult with him being so far away. It must be even harder to remember why you love him.
You need to fight through! Think of your kids, your husband, AND yourself. I know plenty of young, attractive single moms who work and keep their kids, but are miserable becaue they're lonely. I hate to sound mean, but a woman with kids is rarely desirable by most men, OR a target for bad men.
My advice is simple, ';Fake it til you make it.';
Too many people just give up. Then the kids suffer, 'blended' families are usually unhappy, everything becomes a mess.
I know you're lonely right now, but it gets better. The fighting will become less frequent, your kids will mature, you'll be so much happier when he comes home, and life will get easier.
Hang in there!
God bless you and your family.
As a military wife, you hve many options (all free) for counseling etc and support groups. There is no need to suffer thru this alone. Reach out to other wives, who are undoubtedly having some of these same issues. None of your issues can be worked out with your hubby while he is deployed (the support groups will tell you this), so work on yourself right now til he returns. Then you can do counseling together.
Me and my wife have been married for just over 5 years, have two kids, argue off and on, and I'm currently deployed. I'll tell you this, if I came home to divorce papers or anything less than loving arms, I would be very upset. It doesn't matter how much you argue or how distant you feel, marriage isn't something you just walk out of. Marriage isn't easy, you have to work at it as a team and make it work.
Love is like this, to give an analogy, when you fall in love and go through the begging of your marriage, you have enough love to fill a drinking glass. As time goes on you still have the same amount of love, but your glass gets bigger and next thing you know your trying to fill a bucket with one glass. What you and your husband need to do is try to make your love grow so it can fill the bucket.
If he is over seas, he is under a lot of stress. Right now he need your support, love and understanding. Be his friend like you were before. You can fight when he gets home. Sorry, but you sound like you are more about ';you'; than you are about ';us';, the marriage and family. If you are fighting, it is probably over little things... how can they be big with him overseas. Stop worrying about the little things and just be non-judgmental and support. You might want to see a counselor for some help on your issues. Yes, I know, they may not be your issues, but it can't hurt and might help. Do it for the kids.
you dont need advice from a bunch of dr. phil wannabees here darlin. you need good sound advice from a marriage counselor or minister that can help you work out all these issues in your mind. good luck
sorry to say but i think your marriage as run it course. you have fallen out of love. i think you know that in your own heart. but you want a second opinion. and what you have posed. tells me it OVER BETWEEN YOU. so i suggest try and make it painless as possible. good luck.
when you have to ask yourself if u still love them then u no something is not there anymore. he can be under stress that is why he keeps fighting wit u, i think u need to just explain to him how it annoys u when u keep fighting about the same things over and over. everyone lies about small little things, i am sure even u have done it. just give it time and everything will work out.
You're used to him not being around. You're not emotionally connected to someone that's not there. Wait until he comes home and see where things stand then.
He's just far away right now, physically as well as in your heart, it happens with people when they're apart for a wjile, when he returns , although you might feel awkwards at first , give it some time.You might start feeling the same feeling you had for him not too long ago. People are weird sometimes, things get weird sometimes thats a part of marriage, hang in there!
First off, what your husband it doing for our country is very, very noble. However, it still doesn't make your feelings or your happiness any less important. If you leave him now, if you leave him later, it's still going to hurt, so that shouldn't be a factor. What you do owe the father of your children is honesty. Let him know how you're feeling. Let him know it's not another man. Let him know that you've grown apart like thousands of couples do everyday. Life is TOO short to be unhappy, Honey.
I think the way your feeling is normal, Your husband is far away, your missing him and he's missing you, sure there is anger from you both this is so hard to be away.. Sometimes we distance ourselfs from people we love, because we're afraid we're going to loose them and with him being in danger you might just be afraid he won't come home, so there fore your pushing him away so it won't hurt so bad and he could be doing the same.. Don't let go of him, I'm sure you still love him and want him more than you'll let yourself feel and him the same..Think about the day he is back in your arms and kissing you and you feel safe again with him...Now is not a time to leave,, Be proud of him for saving our lives and try to understand what he is going thru right now, Let him know how much you love him and how you long for him to be home with you and your children.. He needs to feel you have his back right now and your going to be there when he gets home..I'm sure he thinking you might not be and that angers and worries him.. You have nothing to loose to wait for him to get home.. I'm sure once your back together your feelings will be right back where they should be.. Hold on....Its worth the wait,,, You'll see.....
a successful marraige requires falling in love with the same person over and over again
do it for the kids if not the 6 years,,,,,,,,
Well i guess you all have a little distance between i guess the void of sex life has made you mad and he is stuck to defend the country and earn the living for you and your children have you ever thought about he could be killed there and never get to see his children graduate or getting married and while all this it will make you Rich ! and also J B said it Right !
I guess is that he is not working I will feel the same , want to help and how is it feels impotent.
Try to understand him
And if this is not the problem he might have some one also out there.
So your husband is a soldier fighting overseas and you should be his comfort.
Instead you have fights with him on the phone and spend his money and cause him more stress?
You also don't think you love him anymore?
You are a bad person. You do not deserve him.
Avoid negative psychology
Negative comments inhibit others from offering ideas. Such methods as discounting people or their ideas, even in subtle and unintended ways. For example the word 'but' discounts all that was said beforehand.
Seek positive synergies
Positive energies that enthuse and energise people and build on each others' ideas. Everyone should expect to contribute to their full potential. This is not a session for passengers or observers.
Assume positive intent
Most negative behaviour is triggered by fear. If you feel threatened you will act that way, which can trigger corrosive reactions.
If, on the other hand, you assume that other people think well of you, even if you offer half-thought-out ideas, then you are far more likely to join openly in creative discussions.
Good Luck
rather then just leaving him try giving msn some time off tell him your internet was playing up then see how you feel after it. if you miss him then when he comes back yous need a holiday together and if you dont then talk to him about it when he comes back plz dont do it when he is away !
Well, talk it out with him. Get a bit passionate, and compassionate. Often, the right mixture of both will prove to be good for you. I will only add, may God show you both the right path and bless you with a happy married life.
Before you even begin to talk divorce you should read books, seek counciling even if you have to go without your husband.
Every marriage has fights. You just have to be strong enough to put them behind you. I have only been married 8 years. And yes my husband and I used to fight over the same stuff over and over again. But when you are fighting try not to bring up the thoughts and feelings of the last fight. It will be hard to do but it will help.
Also if you just do searching online you may even find some great counciling. And try books like how to communicate with your husband. And when he gets home make sure you have a babysitter and a nice romantic time planned. My husband and I went on a marriage counciling weekend and it was perfect. Now we try hard to get at least 1 night a month to ourselves. There is alot you can do to hold on to your marriage. And whe n you feel you may not love him. Just remember why and when you feel in love to begin with. He is the same person things are just changing and you are learning new things about him even after 20 years you will still be learning new things about him. But never give up.
The main thing most couples fight over is money, but I imagine since he is totally out of the picture right now, there are other issues with the home %26amp; kids.Maybe you should get into some counseling before he comes home and sort your feelings out. All marriages get in a rut, and sometimes, you just need to rekindle that spark.Take care and good luck!
It sounds like you are both under a tremendous amount of stress. I don't think it has anything to do with love. Remember what you describe as love is an emotion so go back to the commitment you made when you exchanged marriage vows.
Figure out what are the issues that spark the fighting. Are they financial? Lack of having him close by when decisions have to be made? Resolve not to fight and do what you can to help take the pressure off of both of you. Make decisions and don't trouble him since he is too far away to really be of help.
If you have parents who are supportive maybe you can consult with them on some issues so someone else is sharing the load. That will be a relief to both you and your husband.
Every marriage goes through trials, but just hang in there and work through the issues. It will be very worthwhile.
It must be very hard for you. I actually read an article to help me get through my own relationship problem. It's called ';soulful relationship';
only you can answer that question only you know how you feel and if you love him or not i think its being away from each other for so long your drifting apart maybe all you need is time together. so if he ever gets leave take advantage of it.
Violence and fighting is bad news. Perhaps you could talk to someone who is not involved with your family or his? Distance can make the heart grow fonder---or if you are feeling as you do at the moment, perhaps the relationship will be destroyed. Do you love him? Can you live without him? Will you miss him? What about his children?
Rosa
Girlfriend, I have been married for almost 33 years and I can tell you this..........in marriage you go through good times and bad times. You go through times of arguing and then wonderful times. If you fell in the love with this man and he is treating you and your kids well (no physical or emotional abuse, he's not any type of addict, he's not a cheater) then find that thing about him that made you fall in love with him and think about it all the time.
Divorce is a waste of time, is emotionally destructive for the children, does a horrific number on your personal finances for the years and years. (in particular it hurts women)
Right now you need that physical connection with your spouse. I've always felt that sex was the thing that got us through the tough times of our marriage.
I completely agree with JB's assessment; ';Fake it til you make it.';
Good luck, I hope you find the peace that you desire and deserve.
I think this is a very good question, after he comes home from the war! Then see how things are? Right now he is not even there in person with you. Your fights are a result of long distance relationship. Haven't you ever heard that long distance relationships do not work? This is why! Wait til he gets back please, until then stop even asking yourself this question while this man is in prison basically.hair treatment skin lesions
my hubby is deployed too. sometimes i feel the same way as u. your not alone. people don't understand military lifestyles. unless u are dealing with it. stay strong.Difficutly with my marriage?
Seems like you've got a loaded situation right now. I'd definitely talk with a counselor before you make any decisions, especially since you have children together and he is deployed. Have you thought or asked him how he is feeling lately? This also may be helpful to understand why you are arguing alot. Sometimes, we don't know what is going on with the other person and how they are feeling. That's my two cents...
Right now, your marriage is tough. All marriages go through times where things are difficult, but your's is especially difficult with him being so far away. It must be even harder to remember why you love him.
You need to fight through! Think of your kids, your husband, AND yourself. I know plenty of young, attractive single moms who work and keep their kids, but are miserable becaue they're lonely. I hate to sound mean, but a woman with kids is rarely desirable by most men, OR a target for bad men.
My advice is simple, ';Fake it til you make it.';
Too many people just give up. Then the kids suffer, 'blended' families are usually unhappy, everything becomes a mess.
I know you're lonely right now, but it gets better. The fighting will become less frequent, your kids will mature, you'll be so much happier when he comes home, and life will get easier.
Hang in there!
God bless you and your family.
As a military wife, you hve many options (all free) for counseling etc and support groups. There is no need to suffer thru this alone. Reach out to other wives, who are undoubtedly having some of these same issues. None of your issues can be worked out with your hubby while he is deployed (the support groups will tell you this), so work on yourself right now til he returns. Then you can do counseling together.
Me and my wife have been married for just over 5 years, have two kids, argue off and on, and I'm currently deployed. I'll tell you this, if I came home to divorce papers or anything less than loving arms, I would be very upset. It doesn't matter how much you argue or how distant you feel, marriage isn't something you just walk out of. Marriage isn't easy, you have to work at it as a team and make it work.
Love is like this, to give an analogy, when you fall in love and go through the begging of your marriage, you have enough love to fill a drinking glass. As time goes on you still have the same amount of love, but your glass gets bigger and next thing you know your trying to fill a bucket with one glass. What you and your husband need to do is try to make your love grow so it can fill the bucket.
If he is over seas, he is under a lot of stress. Right now he need your support, love and understanding. Be his friend like you were before. You can fight when he gets home. Sorry, but you sound like you are more about ';you'; than you are about ';us';, the marriage and family. If you are fighting, it is probably over little things... how can they be big with him overseas. Stop worrying about the little things and just be non-judgmental and support. You might want to see a counselor for some help on your issues. Yes, I know, they may not be your issues, but it can't hurt and might help. Do it for the kids.
you dont need advice from a bunch of dr. phil wannabees here darlin. you need good sound advice from a marriage counselor or minister that can help you work out all these issues in your mind. good luck
sorry to say but i think your marriage as run it course. you have fallen out of love. i think you know that in your own heart. but you want a second opinion. and what you have posed. tells me it OVER BETWEEN YOU. so i suggest try and make it painless as possible. good luck.
when you have to ask yourself if u still love them then u no something is not there anymore. he can be under stress that is why he keeps fighting wit u, i think u need to just explain to him how it annoys u when u keep fighting about the same things over and over. everyone lies about small little things, i am sure even u have done it. just give it time and everything will work out.
You're used to him not being around. You're not emotionally connected to someone that's not there. Wait until he comes home and see where things stand then.
He's just far away right now, physically as well as in your heart, it happens with people when they're apart for a wjile, when he returns , although you might feel awkwards at first , give it some time.You might start feeling the same feeling you had for him not too long ago. People are weird sometimes, things get weird sometimes thats a part of marriage, hang in there!
First off, what your husband it doing for our country is very, very noble. However, it still doesn't make your feelings or your happiness any less important. If you leave him now, if you leave him later, it's still going to hurt, so that shouldn't be a factor. What you do owe the father of your children is honesty. Let him know how you're feeling. Let him know it's not another man. Let him know that you've grown apart like thousands of couples do everyday. Life is TOO short to be unhappy, Honey.
I think the way your feeling is normal, Your husband is far away, your missing him and he's missing you, sure there is anger from you both this is so hard to be away.. Sometimes we distance ourselfs from people we love, because we're afraid we're going to loose them and with him being in danger you might just be afraid he won't come home, so there fore your pushing him away so it won't hurt so bad and he could be doing the same.. Don't let go of him, I'm sure you still love him and want him more than you'll let yourself feel and him the same..Think about the day he is back in your arms and kissing you and you feel safe again with him...Now is not a time to leave,, Be proud of him for saving our lives and try to understand what he is going thru right now, Let him know how much you love him and how you long for him to be home with you and your children.. He needs to feel you have his back right now and your going to be there when he gets home..I'm sure he thinking you might not be and that angers and worries him.. You have nothing to loose to wait for him to get home.. I'm sure once your back together your feelings will be right back where they should be.. Hold on....Its worth the wait,,, You'll see.....
a successful marraige requires falling in love with the same person over and over again
do it for the kids if not the 6 years,,,,,,,,
Well i guess you all have a little distance between i guess the void of sex life has made you mad and he is stuck to defend the country and earn the living for you and your children have you ever thought about he could be killed there and never get to see his children graduate or getting married and while all this it will make you Rich ! and also J B said it Right !
I guess is that he is not working I will feel the same , want to help and how is it feels impotent.
Try to understand him
And if this is not the problem he might have some one also out there.
So your husband is a soldier fighting overseas and you should be his comfort.
Instead you have fights with him on the phone and spend his money and cause him more stress?
You also don't think you love him anymore?
You are a bad person. You do not deserve him.
Avoid negative psychology
Negative comments inhibit others from offering ideas. Such methods as discounting people or their ideas, even in subtle and unintended ways. For example the word 'but' discounts all that was said beforehand.
Seek positive synergies
Positive energies that enthuse and energise people and build on each others' ideas. Everyone should expect to contribute to their full potential. This is not a session for passengers or observers.
Assume positive intent
Most negative behaviour is triggered by fear. If you feel threatened you will act that way, which can trigger corrosive reactions.
If, on the other hand, you assume that other people think well of you, even if you offer half-thought-out ideas, then you are far more likely to join openly in creative discussions.
Good Luck
rather then just leaving him try giving msn some time off tell him your internet was playing up then see how you feel after it. if you miss him then when he comes back yous need a holiday together and if you dont then talk to him about it when he comes back plz dont do it when he is away !
Well, talk it out with him. Get a bit passionate, and compassionate. Often, the right mixture of both will prove to be good for you. I will only add, may God show you both the right path and bless you with a happy married life.
Before you even begin to talk divorce you should read books, seek counciling even if you have to go without your husband.
Every marriage has fights. You just have to be strong enough to put them behind you. I have only been married 8 years. And yes my husband and I used to fight over the same stuff over and over again. But when you are fighting try not to bring up the thoughts and feelings of the last fight. It will be hard to do but it will help.
Also if you just do searching online you may even find some great counciling. And try books like how to communicate with your husband. And when he gets home make sure you have a babysitter and a nice romantic time planned. My husband and I went on a marriage counciling weekend and it was perfect. Now we try hard to get at least 1 night a month to ourselves. There is alot you can do to hold on to your marriage. And whe n you feel you may not love him. Just remember why and when you feel in love to begin with. He is the same person things are just changing and you are learning new things about him even after 20 years you will still be learning new things about him. But never give up.
The main thing most couples fight over is money, but I imagine since he is totally out of the picture right now, there are other issues with the home %26amp; kids.Maybe you should get into some counseling before he comes home and sort your feelings out. All marriages get in a rut, and sometimes, you just need to rekindle that spark.Take care and good luck!
It sounds like you are both under a tremendous amount of stress. I don't think it has anything to do with love. Remember what you describe as love is an emotion so go back to the commitment you made when you exchanged marriage vows.
Figure out what are the issues that spark the fighting. Are they financial? Lack of having him close by when decisions have to be made? Resolve not to fight and do what you can to help take the pressure off of both of you. Make decisions and don't trouble him since he is too far away to really be of help.
If you have parents who are supportive maybe you can consult with them on some issues so someone else is sharing the load. That will be a relief to both you and your husband.
Every marriage goes through trials, but just hang in there and work through the issues. It will be very worthwhile.
It must be very hard for you. I actually read an article to help me get through my own relationship problem. It's called ';soulful relationship';
only you can answer that question only you know how you feel and if you love him or not i think its being away from each other for so long your drifting apart maybe all you need is time together. so if he ever gets leave take advantage of it.
Violence and fighting is bad news. Perhaps you could talk to someone who is not involved with your family or his? Distance can make the heart grow fonder---or if you are feeling as you do at the moment, perhaps the relationship will be destroyed. Do you love him? Can you live without him? Will you miss him? What about his children?
Rosa
Girlfriend, I have been married for almost 33 years and I can tell you this..........in marriage you go through good times and bad times. You go through times of arguing and then wonderful times. If you fell in the love with this man and he is treating you and your kids well (no physical or emotional abuse, he's not any type of addict, he's not a cheater) then find that thing about him that made you fall in love with him and think about it all the time.
Divorce is a waste of time, is emotionally destructive for the children, does a horrific number on your personal finances for the years and years. (in particular it hurts women)
Right now you need that physical connection with your spouse. I've always felt that sex was the thing that got us through the tough times of our marriage.
I completely agree with JB's assessment; ';Fake it til you make it.';
Good luck, I hope you find the peace that you desire and deserve.
I think this is a very good question, after he comes home from the war! Then see how things are? Right now he is not even there in person with you. Your fights are a result of long distance relationship. Haven't you ever heard that long distance relationships do not work? This is why! Wait til he gets back please, until then stop even asking yourself this question while this man is in prison basically.
Husband asked another girl to go out for a couple of beers?
***Sorry this is so long, please take the time to read. I'm very worried!***
Over the last 4 weeks, my husband has suddenly become very distant. He's home for a late dinner and by the time we're done with dishes and have the kids in bed, he's ready for bed. We hardly talk anymore and our sex life has gone from 3 times a week (with him initiating) to once a week. It takes a great deal of effort on my part to even get him to do that. It's like he's sleeping with me because I'm begging him, not because he wants to. The last 4 saturdays in a row he's been going out ';with the guys';. Two of those Saturdays he didn't come home until the next morning (has NEVER done that before), the other two, he was home around 3 am...and then he goes to sleep on the couch instead of coming to bed (not normal either).
He left his facebook page up on the computer last night and I did a little snooping. I wouldn't have if he hadn't been acting so weird lately. I discovered that he's gotten back in contact with an old friend from high school...who just happens to be a girl. He gave her his cell number and asked if they could get together for drinks. I then checked his phone and found he's been calling her regularly. Checking the dates of the converstations on facebook, I discovered that the same weekend he asked her for drinks is the 1st saturday he went out...and didn't come home.
I'm having a hard time with this. She sounded reluctent to see him because he's married and my husband's stories seemed to check out. Granted, he usually only goes out once every 1 or 2 months. But his stories were very believable, especially since I know these guy friends so well. I'm hesitant to accuse him of anything. And even with all the ';coincidences';, I'm having a hard time beliving he would cheat on me. Our relationship (until 4 weeks ago) has been better than ever. We're even renewing our wedding vows in June.
If this was your spouse, would you be suspicious? Am I over reacting? And how do I bring up the subject without telling him I snooped on his facebook page? (Feeling very guilty about that)Husband asked another girl to go out for a couple of beers?
If this was your spouse, would you be suspicious? Yes.....and rightly so. Changes in routine and habits always arouse suspicion when no real reason seems to be apparent.
Am I over reacting? No. Evidence garnered seems to point towards an affair or the groundwork being laid for something like that. Out of curiosity, what was his excuse for not coming home or even calling?
And how do I bring up the subject without telling him I snooped on his face book page? (Feeling very guilty about that).
Never turn your hand and show your cards. You've uncovered a helpful tool that the last thing you need to do is let him know you've discovered his dallying by way of his Face book account. Say nothing about the phone either. Keep asking him what is going on. Keep copies of anything you can and finally if it comes to a head, drop them on the table in front of him and make your point stick. Don't be in such a rush to slam the lid down on this just yet.
Sure...it's suspicious but I'd keep watching and seeing what takes place. Its pretty obvious he's lousy at covering his tracks. If he's up to no good you'll know soon enough. Just sit back and watch and ask questions.Husband asked another girl to go out for a couple of beers?
Hint: Asking another woman to ';go have beers'; is called a date. You remember dating, it's a precursor to having a relationship.
you should have printed out the evidence from his facebook, as well as get a phone record for his cell.
I would use these pieces as evidence in a divorce court proceding.
Alcohol + opposite sex = sex
You got married and had your first kid at age 18? Your now 26. Most husbands that I know in their early 20's are nothing but party animals.
Ever hear that saying:
';Denial is not just a river in Egypt';?
Well, that applies here.
I would tell him we need to talka nd explain that what has been happening needs to stop, now. No excuses, no bullsh*t. And I would say that his behavior is in line with someone having an affair, so I want marriage counseling to re-build the shaken trust.
If he balks, you have your answer.
You had every reason to be suspicious....which lead to the snooping....he took another woman on a date and then didn't come home!!!!
Darn tooting I would ask him what is up....kind of convenient he left his face book open....like he wanted you to catch him?
uhgg how much more do you need. of course there's something up and probably has been for the past 4 weeks. tell him demand he tell you the thruth. you feel guilty why? you are his wife and are intitled to snoop around if you have reasons to. i hope you are ready for a battle because that's what's coming for you. i can almost assure you he's cheating already and telling his girl that he's getting a divorce soon.
It's kind of obvious that he's probably having an affair as the changes have come on sudden and coincide with what you fund on facebook.
Unfortunately, for you, it's either something you're going to have to live with or you'll have to confront him with your facts and come to an agreement that you're going to be his one and only. It's a decision that you'll have to make.
Oh the positive side, most affairs usually wear themselves out over a period of time. But once he's cheated and enjoyed it he'll quite possibly look for a replacement when it's over. With some guys it's just a way of life. Others grow out of it after a while and become straight husbands again. Again, any action is your call. Good luck.
Sorry to tell you sweetie, but I was the other woman once upon a time, and it doesn't look good for you.
This is classic. Just how it started with me. And I was reluctant too.
If he hasn't cheated already, he's giving it serious thought.
yeah if it were me and my Fiance I wouldn't let it go so easy I would do some more snooping even though it is an old friend from high school doesn't mean it couldn't have been an old girlfriend from highschool
Wow this most definatly sounds suspicious. I think there was an article before on MSN.com that was named ';9 signs your man is cheating';.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/a鈥?/a>
check that out and see what you think. I personally think hes cheating. good luck
Wow. It does sound like cause for concern. He may not have cheated (yet), but he sure is re-living the ol glory days and acting like a college kid. Number one-no matter how well you know his friends, they will lie for him. Number two, this behavior seems very inappropriate, even if he hasn't cheated (yet). He sounds like he's wishing for freedom; and that is how my husband ended up cheating. Fantasy life with no kids, no bills, no car repairs, no home repairs.....it was all sex and rainbows with his lover; all parties and no responsibility. You'd better jerk him back to reality and let him know what he could loose if he continues this inappropriate behavior. I hope there is still time!
If he hasn't cheated already, he's thinking about it. My instincts would lead me to think that he did cheat. If you have any doubts about his story, ask his friends, or ask at the bar he went to. Is he kissing differently, making love differently, or talking to you differently? What do his clothes smell like when he gets home? Does he spend more time getting ready to go out on those nights?
I think you know the answer, and don't want to accept it. He's cheated.
Tell him the truth, you saw his facebook, and you saw his phone records, and that you're suspicious. Talk about all of the differences you've experienced recently.
Since you're married, there shouldn't be any secrets...
I'm sorry, but he's cheating on you.
First, you need to get over your guilt for snooping on his Facebook page. Not only has he been acting suspicious lately, but he left the page UP. It's not like you hired a hacker to come in and crack open his social networking webpage. (LOL at that idea.)
Anyway, here is the thing. Even if he's NOT cheating on you, isn't his behavior poor for a husband anyway? Let me ask you this -- if you could 100% guarantee that he wasn't cheating on you, would you be happy if your marriage carried on forever with him behaving the way he has been lately? Doubt it.
So, either way you should definitely talk to him. The thing is, if I were you I'd be horribnly upset, because my husband and I don't do the whole opposite-sex friends thing. I'd be furious with him for exchanging numbers with another woman, and I know he'd feel the same if the situation were reversed.
Sit him down, and just start by saying you need to talk to him about the marriage. Let him know that you've been feeling neglected lately and you're concerned about your sex life. Ask him why he hasn't been having sex with you as frequently, and let him know that you've been feeling like he thinks it's a chore. Talk to him about that first, it's a good opener.
After that, segway into talking to him about his ';going out'; practices. Tell him that you know he is absolutely entitled to go out and you encourage that, however you don't like that he's coming home all hours of the morning. Tell him that he's married and you know you're not his mother, but that you'd like to set a respectable time to come home -- like 12:00 -- so that you know he's safe. Also, if you're in bed after he comes in you'd appreciate him coming to bed with you instead of staying on the couch.
By the way, this entire conversation should NOT be done in an accusing manner, it should be done kindly and lovingly -- hold his hand if he'll let you. It shows that your main goal is to preserve the marriage.
Then, talk to him about the Facebook. Say he left it up and you were curious so you scrolled through, and then tell him what you came across. Let him know why it concerns you.
Hopefully you won't have to hear anything you don't want to hear. Mutual respect in a marriage is very important, and your husband should be doing nothing to disrespect you.
Good luck.
Buy a voice activated recorder (you can get them for about $20-$50) and hide it in his car. That way you can hear what he is saying to her on the cell. I wouldn't approach him until you have more proof.
hes been seeing her on the side and probably slept with her. if his behavior is new and hes not willing to sleep with you, then theres a problem. you need to nip this in the bud now before it gets too far. im sorry.....this must be really tough for you. good luck
Over the last 4 weeks, my husband has suddenly become very distant. He's home for a late dinner and by the time we're done with dishes and have the kids in bed, he's ready for bed. We hardly talk anymore and our sex life has gone from 3 times a week (with him initiating) to once a week. It takes a great deal of effort on my part to even get him to do that. It's like he's sleeping with me because I'm begging him, not because he wants to. The last 4 saturdays in a row he's been going out ';with the guys';. Two of those Saturdays he didn't come home until the next morning (has NEVER done that before), the other two, he was home around 3 am...and then he goes to sleep on the couch instead of coming to bed (not normal either).
He left his facebook page up on the computer last night and I did a little snooping. I wouldn't have if he hadn't been acting so weird lately. I discovered that he's gotten back in contact with an old friend from high school...who just happens to be a girl. He gave her his cell number and asked if they could get together for drinks. I then checked his phone and found he's been calling her regularly. Checking the dates of the converstations on facebook, I discovered that the same weekend he asked her for drinks is the 1st saturday he went out...and didn't come home.
I'm having a hard time with this. She sounded reluctent to see him because he's married and my husband's stories seemed to check out. Granted, he usually only goes out once every 1 or 2 months. But his stories were very believable, especially since I know these guy friends so well. I'm hesitant to accuse him of anything. And even with all the ';coincidences';, I'm having a hard time beliving he would cheat on me. Our relationship (until 4 weeks ago) has been better than ever. We're even renewing our wedding vows in June.
If this was your spouse, would you be suspicious? Am I over reacting? And how do I bring up the subject without telling him I snooped on his facebook page? (Feeling very guilty about that)Husband asked another girl to go out for a couple of beers?
If this was your spouse, would you be suspicious? Yes.....and rightly so. Changes in routine and habits always arouse suspicion when no real reason seems to be apparent.
Am I over reacting? No. Evidence garnered seems to point towards an affair or the groundwork being laid for something like that. Out of curiosity, what was his excuse for not coming home or even calling?
And how do I bring up the subject without telling him I snooped on his face book page? (Feeling very guilty about that).
Never turn your hand and show your cards. You've uncovered a helpful tool that the last thing you need to do is let him know you've discovered his dallying by way of his Face book account. Say nothing about the phone either. Keep asking him what is going on. Keep copies of anything you can and finally if it comes to a head, drop them on the table in front of him and make your point stick. Don't be in such a rush to slam the lid down on this just yet.
Sure...it's suspicious but I'd keep watching and seeing what takes place. Its pretty obvious he's lousy at covering his tracks. If he's up to no good you'll know soon enough. Just sit back and watch and ask questions.Husband asked another girl to go out for a couple of beers?
Hint: Asking another woman to ';go have beers'; is called a date. You remember dating, it's a precursor to having a relationship.
you should have printed out the evidence from his facebook, as well as get a phone record for his cell.
I would use these pieces as evidence in a divorce court proceding.
Alcohol + opposite sex = sex
You got married and had your first kid at age 18? Your now 26. Most husbands that I know in their early 20's are nothing but party animals.
Ever hear that saying:
';Denial is not just a river in Egypt';?
Well, that applies here.
I would tell him we need to talka nd explain that what has been happening needs to stop, now. No excuses, no bullsh*t. And I would say that his behavior is in line with someone having an affair, so I want marriage counseling to re-build the shaken trust.
If he balks, you have your answer.
You had every reason to be suspicious....which lead to the snooping....he took another woman on a date and then didn't come home!!!!
Darn tooting I would ask him what is up....kind of convenient he left his face book open....like he wanted you to catch him?
uhgg how much more do you need. of course there's something up and probably has been for the past 4 weeks. tell him demand he tell you the thruth. you feel guilty why? you are his wife and are intitled to snoop around if you have reasons to. i hope you are ready for a battle because that's what's coming for you. i can almost assure you he's cheating already and telling his girl that he's getting a divorce soon.
It's kind of obvious that he's probably having an affair as the changes have come on sudden and coincide with what you fund on facebook.
Unfortunately, for you, it's either something you're going to have to live with or you'll have to confront him with your facts and come to an agreement that you're going to be his one and only. It's a decision that you'll have to make.
Oh the positive side, most affairs usually wear themselves out over a period of time. But once he's cheated and enjoyed it he'll quite possibly look for a replacement when it's over. With some guys it's just a way of life. Others grow out of it after a while and become straight husbands again. Again, any action is your call. Good luck.
Sorry to tell you sweetie, but I was the other woman once upon a time, and it doesn't look good for you.
This is classic. Just how it started with me. And I was reluctant too.
If he hasn't cheated already, he's giving it serious thought.
yeah if it were me and my Fiance I wouldn't let it go so easy I would do some more snooping even though it is an old friend from high school doesn't mean it couldn't have been an old girlfriend from highschool
Wow this most definatly sounds suspicious. I think there was an article before on MSN.com that was named ';9 signs your man is cheating';.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/a鈥?/a>
check that out and see what you think. I personally think hes cheating. good luck
Wow. It does sound like cause for concern. He may not have cheated (yet), but he sure is re-living the ol glory days and acting like a college kid. Number one-no matter how well you know his friends, they will lie for him. Number two, this behavior seems very inappropriate, even if he hasn't cheated (yet). He sounds like he's wishing for freedom; and that is how my husband ended up cheating. Fantasy life with no kids, no bills, no car repairs, no home repairs.....it was all sex and rainbows with his lover; all parties and no responsibility. You'd better jerk him back to reality and let him know what he could loose if he continues this inappropriate behavior. I hope there is still time!
If he hasn't cheated already, he's thinking about it. My instincts would lead me to think that he did cheat. If you have any doubts about his story, ask his friends, or ask at the bar he went to. Is he kissing differently, making love differently, or talking to you differently? What do his clothes smell like when he gets home? Does he spend more time getting ready to go out on those nights?
I think you know the answer, and don't want to accept it. He's cheated.
Tell him the truth, you saw his facebook, and you saw his phone records, and that you're suspicious. Talk about all of the differences you've experienced recently.
Since you're married, there shouldn't be any secrets...
I'm sorry, but he's cheating on you.
First, you need to get over your guilt for snooping on his Facebook page. Not only has he been acting suspicious lately, but he left the page UP. It's not like you hired a hacker to come in and crack open his social networking webpage. (LOL at that idea.)
Anyway, here is the thing. Even if he's NOT cheating on you, isn't his behavior poor for a husband anyway? Let me ask you this -- if you could 100% guarantee that he wasn't cheating on you, would you be happy if your marriage carried on forever with him behaving the way he has been lately? Doubt it.
So, either way you should definitely talk to him. The thing is, if I were you I'd be horribnly upset, because my husband and I don't do the whole opposite-sex friends thing. I'd be furious with him for exchanging numbers with another woman, and I know he'd feel the same if the situation were reversed.
Sit him down, and just start by saying you need to talk to him about the marriage. Let him know that you've been feeling neglected lately and you're concerned about your sex life. Ask him why he hasn't been having sex with you as frequently, and let him know that you've been feeling like he thinks it's a chore. Talk to him about that first, it's a good opener.
After that, segway into talking to him about his ';going out'; practices. Tell him that you know he is absolutely entitled to go out and you encourage that, however you don't like that he's coming home all hours of the morning. Tell him that he's married and you know you're not his mother, but that you'd like to set a respectable time to come home -- like 12:00 -- so that you know he's safe. Also, if you're in bed after he comes in you'd appreciate him coming to bed with you instead of staying on the couch.
By the way, this entire conversation should NOT be done in an accusing manner, it should be done kindly and lovingly -- hold his hand if he'll let you. It shows that your main goal is to preserve the marriage.
Then, talk to him about the Facebook. Say he left it up and you were curious so you scrolled through, and then tell him what you came across. Let him know why it concerns you.
Hopefully you won't have to hear anything you don't want to hear. Mutual respect in a marriage is very important, and your husband should be doing nothing to disrespect you.
Good luck.
Buy a voice activated recorder (you can get them for about $20-$50) and hide it in his car. That way you can hear what he is saying to her on the cell. I wouldn't approach him until you have more proof.
hes been seeing her on the side and probably slept with her. if his behavior is new and hes not willing to sleep with you, then theres a problem. you need to nip this in the bud now before it gets too far. im sorry.....this must be really tough for you. good luck
A question for all the military spouses out there...?
How do you do it? How do you deal with the loneliness when your husband/wife is gone? Especially when they were in boot camp?! It hasn't even been quite a week since my fiancee left for boot camp, and I don't know how I can deal with it, especially for two whole months. If I could at least talk to him on the phone every night, it would be all right, but I dunno when or if I will ever be able to talk to him while he is gone...The loneliness is killing me! I have tried working out, hanging out with friends, doing different things like scrap booking and writing and other hobbies. What works for you? I refuse to cheat or drink, I don't know if I could even do that. So what works? How do you get by?A question for all the military spouses out there...?
Wow ya'll are bringing back memories!!!! It was almost 9 years ago when I was in your shoes and it still makes me sad to remember it. However take this time to learn how to be his support system. Write a letter to him every night because trust me he needs it. I will never forget being there on graduation day and everyone knew who I was just because I wrote to my husband everyday. We chose to keep our letters from both basic training and tech school and now we will each pull them out and read them every once in awhile and think back to that time, but we also have such a great keepsake for our girls one day. Yes it is a hard time but it is for both of you. Try and keep yourself busy find a small job, work out, read that book you always wanted to, take that class you always wanted to, do whatever you always wanted to do but never had the time to do. And everyone is saying if you can't handle it now how are you going to handle a deployment, well the answer to that is you cross that bridge when you get to it. This is the bridge you are at now so cross this one and when you get to then next one cross that one. Don't borrow trouble that is not here yet. The life of a military wife is one that is unpredictable, but with a good man by your side it will all be fine. For right now be his support, love him, and keep yourself busy the time will fly and before you know it years will have past and it will just be a sweet memory. Good luck to you both.A question for all the military spouses out there...?
You have to stay busy. It never really gets easier you just learn to deal with it. Working, volunteering your time, school, hobbies etc. Having a good support system helps as well.
Talking every night will not be an option sorry to say. Learn to deal with it now because deployments will come and go and they are even longer.
If you want try writing in a jornal or you can send him a letter everyday. Try to remain upbeat because he is dealing with alot right now as well.
If you can't deal with the 2 months how are you going to deal with 6 months in Iraq or 12 months in Afghanistan? TDY's every few months?
It sucks, but we all do it. We all have to sacrifice something to be with the one we love.
Communication is key, email, phone calls, hell even a comment on Myspace helps.
But just think, you are one of the few that gets to say they can fall in love all over again when there loved one comes back home.
Boot camp was tough... (marines) my boyfriend (hubby now) was gone for 3 months, no contact except letters. Its tough... My advice is to keep the letters flowing... even if you got nothing interesting to say...they appreciate mail call! Sweetie you better get use to not talking to him on the phone every night... esp while he's out in the field. try going days/weeks a time... thats military life for ya. You need to find friends or people going through the same sh*t you are... Make a scrap book, do crafts, keep yourself constantly busy!!! You wanna kno what my husband does overseas? He disarms IEDs,booby trapped explosives and roadside bombs... Ha You need to have FAITH trust and love to get through military relationship/marriage. You have to be strong for you man and for yourself... There is going to be a lot of time you spend apart ... it'll either break you or make you. Keep your head up.... you get use to it
OMG My husband left on Monday for Boot Camp and I have not gotten used to it at all. If anything, I get sadder as the days go on, since that means its been longer since I last say him.
I've been assured that it perks up, and things get better, but I'm still lonely.
What branch did he join?
Mine joined the Marines, so he was 12 weeks left.
So far I've just been kinda mopey, but I decided to channel all my emotion into getting my body back into shape so that I look SEXY when he graduates.
Email me and we can talk
lauraboren@rocketmail.com
Get on with your life, do hobbies, go for coffee with friends, go to the movies, go workout, anything to stay busy. Boot camp might seem hard but it will get worse to be honest. There is going to be deployments where you can't talk for longer than 2 months, emails can be stopped, etc.. It is part of a relationship when one person is in the military. You have to continue on with your life because sitting by the phone and waiting will just make it seem worse. Short periods of time away from each other are harder than long periods because you cannot really get into a routine. Just continue what you are doing and it will soon get easier.
You get by because you have to. The life of a military wife is stressful and full of complications. You survive knowing you will see him again. I was ok spending time with friends and family that I knew I wouldn't see again for a long time after he was done. Once you move, you will miss them a great deal. The fact is that you have to do it. (I am not trying to be rude) You have to be independent and functional by yourself. You have to be strong-minded and have great coping skills to have a successful military relationship. Remember that this could be preparing you to deal with deployments. It is like training for you as well. Also, remember that you are not alone in feeling this way. Think of all of the thousands of military spouses that have had to deal with seperation. Oh, and once you move to your first duty station, you will most likely have seperation anxiety from your friends and family. It happens to almost every spouse and service member at some point. Just be prepared for it.
If you need to talk, message me. I am more than happy to talk to you:)
I can understand how you feel as my husband is currently on deployment to Iraq. Here are some of the things that I have found help me to deal with the loneliness. First of all, is stay busy. The busier you are the faster the time will go by. Find something that interests you and volunteer in that field or find a hobby which allows you to be around other people. You would be surprised how many friends you can make as well as the act of helping others will help to diminish the feelings of loneliness. I would not necessarily spend more time at work because that can burn you out and then you will be even worse off.
Second, you need a strong support system. Hanging out with your friends is good but unless they also have someone in Basic training it can be hard for them to fully understand what you are feeling. Spend time with his family, especially his mom as I'm sure she can empathize with your feelings. If you attend church, your church family can also be a good source of support. I am glad that you refuse to cheat. It is unfortunate how many service men and women come home to find out that their significant others have been unfaithful. It is also good that you refuse to turn to drink as a means to deal with the loneliness as drinking just makes matters worse in the long run.
As there is no way for you to talk on the phone to him every night, there are still a couple of things you can do. First of all, is to write him a letter or in a journal every evening and tell him what you would have told him on the phone. Another option is to get a tape or voice recorder and talk into it as though you are on the phone with him. He may not get to listen to the tapes until after he finishes training but he will not only be able to know what you wanted to say to him but he will be able to hear the emotion and sincerity in you voice.
While the first couple of weeks will be the hardest for both of you, with the loneliness as well as his stress from what he is going through, as he progresses through training he will have more opportunities to not only write you back but to also call for a few minutes. The most important things to remember are to cherish the moment when he is able to call, to understand that he will write or call when he can, and that he loves you and needs your support now as much as ever.
Also don't be upset with him if it takes him a couple of weeks to write you back or if the letters he writes are very short, especially if you are sending him frequent or long letters, as there will be times when he may not have the time to even read or write letters.
Finally when you do write or talk to him, tell him how proud you are of him and his decision to join the military. Keep him up on what is going on back home, but don't add to his stress level by complaining about all the things that are not going well, he is stressed enough as it is please to make it harder for him. Although he is gone now for training and the there is the probability of him having to go on deployment, the time he is in training will be the hardest. First of all, not only is this the first time you are away from each other but for the majority of it he will have little chance to call or write. However, even though a deployment is much longer, usually about a year, he will have opportunities to talk to you, whether on the phone, in a letter, or by computer. Granted there will be times when it might be a couple days to a week or more, there will also be times when he may be able to spend all day on the computer talking with you.
Good luck and hang in there. The time will be over before you know it and you will be together again soon.
You stay busy. Hang out with friends, spend time with family, work, volunteer, write your fiancee letters (I LOVED getting letters while in boot camp). There really is no secret to handling it. You just do. I love my husband more than anything and yes it really sucked when he left for both deployments. The first one I was in the process of getting out of the Navy and we just had a baby and my last grandparent died and Katrina hit my hometown. I was more than a little depressed you could say. But I got through it because I knew my husband needing to know I was handling things on my end so he could focus on his. And the second deployment we had two kids and I was in the process of moving us without him. Not fun. But again, I got through it because I love him. Good luck. You have to be strong.
wow i can definitely relate, my fiance has been gone for 24 days now and it has definitely been rough. They DO get to call and write (i've gotten 2 letters so far and one phone call) I missed his phone call though and cried the rest of the night. Keep your phone attached to your hip because there is no way to know when they'll be able to call, its completely up the the training instructor and they have to earn it. just one or two people can mess it up for the entire group!(which happened to my fiance which is why he wasn't able to call during week 2) Im thinking that they usually get to call on weekend evenings (sundays in my case) Like you, i dont really drink and going out with my friends just makes me wish he was there with me. I have found that my job is really what makes time go by the fastest. I've also found that since im saving money so I can go see him graduate that focusing on things that you DONT want to come...makes time go by faster...lol as stupid as that sounds, when you really want something it seems to take forever but when you DONT...it seems to fly.
Patiently awaiting to see him graduate and send him off for tech school only 3 days later is going to be brutal too! Just stay busy and look forward to his letters and calls...I've been counting down the days since the second he left me standing at the airport gate. Keep in mind that hes doing this for YOU, and it wont be long until you guys are together. I write him every night and send the letters off every other day, he loves getting them, he says it is what keeps him going. Over the past 4 weeks i have realized that the time i spend writing to him is very comforting, its just like talking on the phone to him almost, i tell him how my day went, etc. In the beginning i was writing him 2 and 3 times a day just to pass time because i was off work, so that helps, but now its usually just one(i've found that i can write PAGES AND PAGES if i could) Its my favorite part of the day! hope this helps!
-Future Military Wife
im currently in the marine corps and all i have to say is that when i was in bootcamp i couldnt wait to read my letters. u should write as much as possible and send pictures.. nothing explicit tho they look at them before they give them to him... and trust me hes suffering worst than you right now. tell him u love him and miss him till u cant anymore and all u can really do is countdown til he comes home. u could try planning a surprise party or a sexy surprise for when he comes back. and of course dont cheat!!!!!! thats the worst.. when ur away from ur family, training everyday, doing stupid tasks Drill instrustors put you through to find out uve been cheated on =(
It is hard and one thing you should know is that it doesnt get easier, time just tends to go by faster each day! The first two weeks are hard! My husband is in BCT at Fort Jackson right now. He graduates in 21 days! I dont know where your fiancee is, but I know that at Fort Jackson, he gets to talk to me every Sunday, and sometimes other days. Lately, since its closer to graduation day, he gets to talk a lot longer! Like the answer above, write letters everyday and keep a journal of things you do. We have a 1 year old son so our daily journal basically said what we do during the day, new things he learned, etc. Start working out, taking classes, hang out with your friends or family members. I know you have already tried that, but you need to try to get your mind off of him and enjoy those activities! It is hard, trust me, but eventually you get the hang of it. Now that the weather is getting warmer, it is going to be easier to get out and do things! You will be fine! Besides, BCT is a good way to prepare what might be ahead.....It goes by fast!
Wow ya'll are bringing back memories!!!! It was almost 9 years ago when I was in your shoes and it still makes me sad to remember it. However take this time to learn how to be his support system. Write a letter to him every night because trust me he needs it. I will never forget being there on graduation day and everyone knew who I was just because I wrote to my husband everyday. We chose to keep our letters from both basic training and tech school and now we will each pull them out and read them every once in awhile and think back to that time, but we also have such a great keepsake for our girls one day. Yes it is a hard time but it is for both of you. Try and keep yourself busy find a small job, work out, read that book you always wanted to, take that class you always wanted to, do whatever you always wanted to do but never had the time to do. And everyone is saying if you can't handle it now how are you going to handle a deployment, well the answer to that is you cross that bridge when you get to it. This is the bridge you are at now so cross this one and when you get to then next one cross that one. Don't borrow trouble that is not here yet. The life of a military wife is one that is unpredictable, but with a good man by your side it will all be fine. For right now be his support, love him, and keep yourself busy the time will fly and before you know it years will have past and it will just be a sweet memory. Good luck to you both.A question for all the military spouses out there...?
You have to stay busy. It never really gets easier you just learn to deal with it. Working, volunteering your time, school, hobbies etc. Having a good support system helps as well.
Talking every night will not be an option sorry to say. Learn to deal with it now because deployments will come and go and they are even longer.
If you want try writing in a jornal or you can send him a letter everyday. Try to remain upbeat because he is dealing with alot right now as well.
If you can't deal with the 2 months how are you going to deal with 6 months in Iraq or 12 months in Afghanistan? TDY's every few months?
It sucks, but we all do it. We all have to sacrifice something to be with the one we love.
Communication is key, email, phone calls, hell even a comment on Myspace helps.
But just think, you are one of the few that gets to say they can fall in love all over again when there loved one comes back home.
Boot camp was tough... (marines) my boyfriend (hubby now) was gone for 3 months, no contact except letters. Its tough... My advice is to keep the letters flowing... even if you got nothing interesting to say...they appreciate mail call! Sweetie you better get use to not talking to him on the phone every night... esp while he's out in the field. try going days/weeks a time... thats military life for ya. You need to find friends or people going through the same sh*t you are... Make a scrap book, do crafts, keep yourself constantly busy!!! You wanna kno what my husband does overseas? He disarms IEDs,booby trapped explosives and roadside bombs... Ha You need to have FAITH trust and love to get through military relationship/marriage. You have to be strong for you man and for yourself... There is going to be a lot of time you spend apart ... it'll either break you or make you. Keep your head up.... you get use to it
OMG My husband left on Monday for Boot Camp and I have not gotten used to it at all. If anything, I get sadder as the days go on, since that means its been longer since I last say him.
I've been assured that it perks up, and things get better, but I'm still lonely.
What branch did he join?
Mine joined the Marines, so he was 12 weeks left.
So far I've just been kinda mopey, but I decided to channel all my emotion into getting my body back into shape so that I look SEXY when he graduates.
Email me and we can talk
lauraboren@rocketmail.com
Get on with your life, do hobbies, go for coffee with friends, go to the movies, go workout, anything to stay busy. Boot camp might seem hard but it will get worse to be honest. There is going to be deployments where you can't talk for longer than 2 months, emails can be stopped, etc.. It is part of a relationship when one person is in the military. You have to continue on with your life because sitting by the phone and waiting will just make it seem worse. Short periods of time away from each other are harder than long periods because you cannot really get into a routine. Just continue what you are doing and it will soon get easier.
You get by because you have to. The life of a military wife is stressful and full of complications. You survive knowing you will see him again. I was ok spending time with friends and family that I knew I wouldn't see again for a long time after he was done. Once you move, you will miss them a great deal. The fact is that you have to do it. (I am not trying to be rude) You have to be independent and functional by yourself. You have to be strong-minded and have great coping skills to have a successful military relationship. Remember that this could be preparing you to deal with deployments. It is like training for you as well. Also, remember that you are not alone in feeling this way. Think of all of the thousands of military spouses that have had to deal with seperation. Oh, and once you move to your first duty station, you will most likely have seperation anxiety from your friends and family. It happens to almost every spouse and service member at some point. Just be prepared for it.
If you need to talk, message me. I am more than happy to talk to you:)
I can understand how you feel as my husband is currently on deployment to Iraq. Here are some of the things that I have found help me to deal with the loneliness. First of all, is stay busy. The busier you are the faster the time will go by. Find something that interests you and volunteer in that field or find a hobby which allows you to be around other people. You would be surprised how many friends you can make as well as the act of helping others will help to diminish the feelings of loneliness. I would not necessarily spend more time at work because that can burn you out and then you will be even worse off.
Second, you need a strong support system. Hanging out with your friends is good but unless they also have someone in Basic training it can be hard for them to fully understand what you are feeling. Spend time with his family, especially his mom as I'm sure she can empathize with your feelings. If you attend church, your church family can also be a good source of support. I am glad that you refuse to cheat. It is unfortunate how many service men and women come home to find out that their significant others have been unfaithful. It is also good that you refuse to turn to drink as a means to deal with the loneliness as drinking just makes matters worse in the long run.
As there is no way for you to talk on the phone to him every night, there are still a couple of things you can do. First of all, is to write him a letter or in a journal every evening and tell him what you would have told him on the phone. Another option is to get a tape or voice recorder and talk into it as though you are on the phone with him. He may not get to listen to the tapes until after he finishes training but he will not only be able to know what you wanted to say to him but he will be able to hear the emotion and sincerity in you voice.
While the first couple of weeks will be the hardest for both of you, with the loneliness as well as his stress from what he is going through, as he progresses through training he will have more opportunities to not only write you back but to also call for a few minutes. The most important things to remember are to cherish the moment when he is able to call, to understand that he will write or call when he can, and that he loves you and needs your support now as much as ever.
Also don't be upset with him if it takes him a couple of weeks to write you back or if the letters he writes are very short, especially if you are sending him frequent or long letters, as there will be times when he may not have the time to even read or write letters.
Finally when you do write or talk to him, tell him how proud you are of him and his decision to join the military. Keep him up on what is going on back home, but don't add to his stress level by complaining about all the things that are not going well, he is stressed enough as it is please to make it harder for him. Although he is gone now for training and the there is the probability of him having to go on deployment, the time he is in training will be the hardest. First of all, not only is this the first time you are away from each other but for the majority of it he will have little chance to call or write. However, even though a deployment is much longer, usually about a year, he will have opportunities to talk to you, whether on the phone, in a letter, or by computer. Granted there will be times when it might be a couple days to a week or more, there will also be times when he may be able to spend all day on the computer talking with you.
Good luck and hang in there. The time will be over before you know it and you will be together again soon.
You stay busy. Hang out with friends, spend time with family, work, volunteer, write your fiancee letters (I LOVED getting letters while in boot camp). There really is no secret to handling it. You just do. I love my husband more than anything and yes it really sucked when he left for both deployments. The first one I was in the process of getting out of the Navy and we just had a baby and my last grandparent died and Katrina hit my hometown. I was more than a little depressed you could say. But I got through it because I knew my husband needing to know I was handling things on my end so he could focus on his. And the second deployment we had two kids and I was in the process of moving us without him. Not fun. But again, I got through it because I love him. Good luck. You have to be strong.
wow i can definitely relate, my fiance has been gone for 24 days now and it has definitely been rough. They DO get to call and write (i've gotten 2 letters so far and one phone call) I missed his phone call though and cried the rest of the night. Keep your phone attached to your hip because there is no way to know when they'll be able to call, its completely up the the training instructor and they have to earn it. just one or two people can mess it up for the entire group!(which happened to my fiance which is why he wasn't able to call during week 2) Im thinking that they usually get to call on weekend evenings (sundays in my case) Like you, i dont really drink and going out with my friends just makes me wish he was there with me. I have found that my job is really what makes time go by the fastest. I've also found that since im saving money so I can go see him graduate that focusing on things that you DONT want to come...makes time go by faster...lol as stupid as that sounds, when you really want something it seems to take forever but when you DONT...it seems to fly.
Patiently awaiting to see him graduate and send him off for tech school only 3 days later is going to be brutal too! Just stay busy and look forward to his letters and calls...I've been counting down the days since the second he left me standing at the airport gate. Keep in mind that hes doing this for YOU, and it wont be long until you guys are together. I write him every night and send the letters off every other day, he loves getting them, he says it is what keeps him going. Over the past 4 weeks i have realized that the time i spend writing to him is very comforting, its just like talking on the phone to him almost, i tell him how my day went, etc. In the beginning i was writing him 2 and 3 times a day just to pass time because i was off work, so that helps, but now its usually just one(i've found that i can write PAGES AND PAGES if i could) Its my favorite part of the day! hope this helps!
-Future Military Wife
im currently in the marine corps and all i have to say is that when i was in bootcamp i couldnt wait to read my letters. u should write as much as possible and send pictures.. nothing explicit tho they look at them before they give them to him... and trust me hes suffering worst than you right now. tell him u love him and miss him till u cant anymore and all u can really do is countdown til he comes home. u could try planning a surprise party or a sexy surprise for when he comes back. and of course dont cheat!!!!!! thats the worst.. when ur away from ur family, training everyday, doing stupid tasks Drill instrustors put you through to find out uve been cheated on =(
It is hard and one thing you should know is that it doesnt get easier, time just tends to go by faster each day! The first two weeks are hard! My husband is in BCT at Fort Jackson right now. He graduates in 21 days! I dont know where your fiancee is, but I know that at Fort Jackson, he gets to talk to me every Sunday, and sometimes other days. Lately, since its closer to graduation day, he gets to talk a lot longer! Like the answer above, write letters everyday and keep a journal of things you do. We have a 1 year old son so our daily journal basically said what we do during the day, new things he learned, etc. Start working out, taking classes, hang out with your friends or family members. I know you have already tried that, but you need to try to get your mind off of him and enjoy those activities! It is hard, trust me, but eventually you get the hang of it. Now that the weather is getting warmer, it is going to be easier to get out and do things! You will be fine! Besides, BCT is a good way to prepare what might be ahead.....It goes by fast!
Can I trust my wife again after she cheated and then recontacted the guy two times years later as ';friends';?
My wife cheated on me with her co-worker five years ago and she told me about it after feeling guilty. I told her then to stop seeing that guy and that it was wrong since both were married and were hurting their spouses. She promised to stop but wanted me to let her stop it by herself and for me not to get involved. Well I did that back then and it kept going. So finally I put a tape recorder in her car and caught her professing her love to him and then I confronted her. He sensed things were getting dangerous so he broke it off and she got mad and used me to get back at him by telling all and allowing me to call to confront him. I was a big oh thang. I talked to his wife and had it out with him etc etc . At the end of the session my wife later said she spoke to him to confirm that he really meant the things he said to her about love while they were cheating. I told her to promise to let it go if she loved me but somehow it seemed that something was still lingering but I could not put my finger on it. Fast forward 5 years later and many hours of marriage counseling I am in hog heaven all seems well but my wife stares at me at times like she swallowed a canary. I say what?? She said oh nothing just looking at you. I get suspicious after it her action make me have flash backs of 5 years ago. I said to myself that I bet she is sneaking around with that bastard. After installing spyware on her computer, I discovered my loving beautiful wife whom I have 4 kids with has created an elaborate email network to avoid be caught talking to you know who. I got angry , cried and had bad thoughts really bad! I calm down made copies of her emails to her and got all email addresses she used and confronted her. She was soooo shocked she lied initially then she got made at me saying I didn't trust her and that if I did trust and love her , I would not be snooping on her.
She eventually owned up and said she was only helping him with application for a business that we were in since he had financial problems. At this point I told her that he could be ******* homeless for all I care and that should not be her concern plus she supposedly stopped talking to him after the big blow up 5 year ago. She guranteed that he was non romantic etc etc and that she was helping him get into the same business that we were in!! I said F*** that bulls***. I begin to pondering how far the original affair went even though she told me he couldnt get erect when they attempted to have sex and only performed limited oral sex on her.
I figured no man would risk his marriage for you multiple times over a span of 7 years if he wasn't getting sex!!!!! She denied it but I took matters into my own hands and confronted him on my own and told his wife which made her angry cause she said that she ended it by saying to him that this was wrong and that she could not help him no more. I cursed him out and her out for even communicating with each other since they had a adulterous history in first place. Since that time she had been more depressed and has partially with drawn and shown little interest in intimacy with me even though I rub her feet, her back and tell her how beautiful she is. She weighs 211 lbs now she weight 180 lbs when she cheated 5 years prior.
Recently we had a fight about her neglecting me and all the old stuff came up because I felt that I working hard pleasing her to get crumbs while she gave herself to a man free of charge per say when he wasn't her husband and didn't pay the dues I did doing all this time of our marriage. Oh did I also mentioned she also takes medicine for depression for the last 8 years. I tried to give her excuses because of the depression but I think she used / uses him to escape reality. When I recently talked to the man's wife about their lastest contacts she was dealing with him about phone calls from another women (not my wife) she found on their cell phone bill. I told my wife about how I was right about this dude being a slick talker and preying on low self esteem women and she demised the issue. Now I am trying to get our marriage back on track even though she recently said to me that it was be so easy to start up her relationship with him again but she won't do it because she loves me. That actually made me mad!!! If she loves me then it should be very very hard for her to start that up!!!!!!! If she doesn't love me or is faking her love for me then it should be very easy for her to seduce and get back with him. I'm Lost!!!!!! and confused. I want my wife and family to stay together but I fear that all is heading down the tubes. I need an objective opinion on whether its worth it after all I've been through with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must love her to death to put up with this and maybe she knows it and uses that and her depression to keep kissing and begging!!Can I trust my wife again after she cheated and then recontacted the guy two times years later as ';friends';?
What a wife! I'm sorry for you my friend. I wish that you leave her and go look for someone who's worthy. What a crappy situation she put you through... and keeps on doing it! Let her go and be with this married man she seems to be digging. Stop keeping her from leaving, you can't do that because she'll do it behind your back, like she has. Just go and enjoy life with someone who loves you and respects you.Can I trust my wife again after she cheated and then recontacted the guy two times years later as ';friends';?
She's playing you like a fiddle, my friend. Right now, you're her security blanket. When she finds a new place to land...she'll be gone. Some people can play the game a long time before they make a break. Looks like she's one of those. The desire to keep this together has to come from her...otherwise you're just banging your head against the wall. Good Luck.
You can't fix your marriage by yourself, she has to be putting in as much effort as you are............Before I got married I started seeing my ex-boyfriend, I told my soon to be hubby I still had feelings for my ex. He still wanted to marry me, I don't believe in cheating after your married, so my hubby and I moved, so I didn't have to deal with temptation, I wasen't contacting my ex before the move, he was kind of stalking me because I wanted to be with only my hubby. So part of the problem may be this other guy is obsessed with your wife, and no matter what she says about it's none of your concern------thats a lie, she's your wife, you have every right to kick his cheating a**, Put your foot down cheating is cheating, even an emotional affair is wrong when your married.
She eventually owned up and said she was only helping him with application for a business that we were in since he had financial problems. At this point I told her that he could be ******* homeless for all I care and that should not be her concern plus she supposedly stopped talking to him after the big blow up 5 year ago. She guranteed that he was non romantic etc etc and that she was helping him get into the same business that we were in!! I said F*** that bulls***. I begin to pondering how far the original affair went even though she told me he couldnt get erect when they attempted to have sex and only performed limited oral sex on her.
I figured no man would risk his marriage for you multiple times over a span of 7 years if he wasn't getting sex!!!!! She denied it but I took matters into my own hands and confronted him on my own and told his wife which made her angry cause she said that she ended it by saying to him that this was wrong and that she could not help him no more. I cursed him out and her out for even communicating with each other since they had a adulterous history in first place. Since that time she had been more depressed and has partially with drawn and shown little interest in intimacy with me even though I rub her feet, her back and tell her how beautiful she is. She weighs 211 lbs now she weight 180 lbs when she cheated 5 years prior.
Recently we had a fight about her neglecting me and all the old stuff came up because I felt that I working hard pleasing her to get crumbs while she gave herself to a man free of charge per say when he wasn't her husband and didn't pay the dues I did doing all this time of our marriage. Oh did I also mentioned she also takes medicine for depression for the last 8 years. I tried to give her excuses because of the depression but I think she used / uses him to escape reality. When I recently talked to the man's wife about their lastest contacts she was dealing with him about phone calls from another women (not my wife) she found on their cell phone bill. I told my wife about how I was right about this dude being a slick talker and preying on low self esteem women and she demised the issue. Now I am trying to get our marriage back on track even though she recently said to me that it was be so easy to start up her relationship with him again but she won't do it because she loves me. That actually made me mad!!! If she loves me then it should be very very hard for her to start that up!!!!!!! If she doesn't love me or is faking her love for me then it should be very easy for her to seduce and get back with him. I'm Lost!!!!!! and confused. I want my wife and family to stay together but I fear that all is heading down the tubes. I need an objective opinion on whether its worth it after all I've been through with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must love her to death to put up with this and maybe she knows it and uses that and her depression to keep kissing and begging!!Can I trust my wife again after she cheated and then recontacted the guy two times years later as ';friends';?
What a wife! I'm sorry for you my friend. I wish that you leave her and go look for someone who's worthy. What a crappy situation she put you through... and keeps on doing it! Let her go and be with this married man she seems to be digging. Stop keeping her from leaving, you can't do that because she'll do it behind your back, like she has. Just go and enjoy life with someone who loves you and respects you.Can I trust my wife again after she cheated and then recontacted the guy two times years later as ';friends';?
She's playing you like a fiddle, my friend. Right now, you're her security blanket. When she finds a new place to land...she'll be gone. Some people can play the game a long time before they make a break. Looks like she's one of those. The desire to keep this together has to come from her...otherwise you're just banging your head against the wall. Good Luck.
You can't fix your marriage by yourself, she has to be putting in as much effort as you are............Before I got married I started seeing my ex-boyfriend, I told my soon to be hubby I still had feelings for my ex. He still wanted to marry me, I don't believe in cheating after your married, so my hubby and I moved, so I didn't have to deal with temptation, I wasen't contacting my ex before the move, he was kind of stalking me because I wanted to be with only my hubby. So part of the problem may be this other guy is obsessed with your wife, and no matter what she says about it's none of your concern------thats a lie, she's your wife, you have every right to kick his cheating a**, Put your foot down cheating is cheating, even an emotional affair is wrong when your married.
Is it okay that my wife does not want to take me to parties with her?
My wife who loves me and tells me she would never hurt me (cheat on) or leave me does not invite me to go to parties with her. She has had friends at work ask her to a party and she will call me and ask if it is alright with me if she goes. I then ask her what kind of party is it and she tells me it is a normal party with lots of people going. I ask her how come you dont ask me to go. She tells me you were not invited and you wont know anybody there and I dont want to have to entertain you all evening. This scenario has happened twice in the last month. I tell her it bothers me that she does not invite me and she just laughs it off. Both times she chose not to go cause I kind of made it a big deal that I would like to go with her.
Is this behavior normal?
Isn鈥檛 the spouse always assumed to be going/invited?
Is it okay that my wife does not want to take me to parties with her?
there is a definite problem.
either she is embarrassed by you -
or
she is doing things she does not want you to see.
not wanting to 'entertain you' is not a valid reason at all... I cant even imagine that being true. I mean, youre WITH her, right? how can you even view the person that you are with like that?Is it okay that my wife does not want to take me to parties with her?
they say...2 is company and 3 is a crowd.
Sounds like she wants to screw around to me....
I don't like to be hurtful, but maybe she's afraid you would embarrass her.
I think something is wrong ,she should explain why,en u should one day where is the party en they show up en see whats she is doing,she might be doing something fishy
I know you don't want to make a big deal but she should go to parties without you. If you think about it what are parties really for. (drink, smoke, dance) What is she doing at a party without you. I think that you should make a stand and tell her that is just not right what she is doing. How would she feel if you did the same to her? Don't' take this from her you're the man, right? As a married woman I would never consider going to places like this without my hubby. Now a days stupid songs like that one from Rihana promote infidelity. Be strong and stand up to her.
There is someone there she dose not want you to meet parties that do not include spouse unless they are all girl things should not be attended
Well honestly i would not want to go to a party that my spouse wasn't welcome at. In my opinion if i was told that i would feel like she didn't want to bother by having me there for one reason or another. At times it's good to get away for a change. Maybe having drinks with coworkers or such but parties are a different story. Maybe she just needs her space. I would dig a bit deeper.
well for one, maybe she didnt really want to go to the party and was looking for a excuse not to go. two , maybe obiously she didnt go to the party. and three, the kids need somebody to watch them. and four maybe she loves you, and you should stop asking silly questions on yahoo?? maybe she is fed up with herself and her life and just finds it almost impossible to care about anything anymore.......
I will not jump into any assumptions as to what is going on on those parties.
But.. you are her husband and you DO NOT NEED ANY INVITATION to attend ANY party your wife attends.
Anyone telling you otherwise is nuts!
no she should always bring you of course, i would find out the address and just show up, you are her husband and should be respected.
she sounds heartless or she's up to no good..how could you ever be formally 'invited'' you don't work with her that is one lame excuse.
u got to tell her how u fill about it
Well I may be guilty of doing this same thing. It's not parties though but out to a club. And here is my story. You can compare it to hers. My husband and I used to go to clubs alot when we were dating and yes that was back when we were 21 to about 25 maybe. Now we are 28 and he thinks there is no reason to go to clubs. A group of my friends go occasionally and I like to hang out and dance with them. I am not looking for guys or hoping to get hit on or anything like that. I just like to hang out with friends and drink a little and dance. He doesn't enjoy it at all. The last time he went he sat at the table and sulked all night. Also, he doesn't like to stay out late... EVER! So if I'm planning on doing something with friends I usually expect him to not want to come along. I always ask him to but he usually thinks I'm being immature for wanting to stay out late and sleep the next day away. That's his view. I have mine.
In your case, she should ask you to come along. And yes if her co-workers know she's married they would assume you were coming unless she has made you out to be a couch potato or unsociable or something.
So, I don't know if you have given her the idea before that you wouldn't have fun at such a thing, like my husband has, but that could be the case. If it's innocent she probably just has more fun without you there and it may not be because she's cheating but just because she can be herself and act stupid or some way she wouldn't act with you there. To be a good wife she should introduce you to these people so that you might become friends with some of them and then she wouldn't have to worry about entertaining you all night. You could entertain yourself.
I do think it sounds a little fishy also but I thought I would offer a different view on the issue.
There is a reason she doesn't want you to go and it's not because you weren't invited. How do you even know there is really a party if she never lets you go with her? And instead of just letting you go she decides not to go all together. She's hiding something but don't expect her to be upfront and honest with you about it. She is either having an affair or thinking about having one.
Does not sound good to me. Yes, when you are married and you get invited to a party it is normal that you as a spouse goes. It is vary much assumed that both of you are invited.
Have you ever met her co-workers? Do they know she is married? If so, than yes I would only assume you are invited.
Not to jump the fence, but I think there may be some cheating going on. Hope not, but just something I suspect.
Good luck and hope everything goes good.
Either she is ashamed of you or is telling people she is single. Normally when people are in a relationship they love to show off their mate. What I have known to happen is the person that is not invited usually shows up at the party unexpected to see what really is going on. Don't make such a big deal out of it. When ever it comes up again let her go to her party. You leave the house too and come home after she does. Start doing that often. I bet she will start inviting you everywhere she goes because she will figure that you are ';enjoying'; yourself elsewhere with out her. What ever you do, never tell her where you are going. Never tell her what you are doing. If you have a cell don't answer it. Watch how things change. If it don't then you will have gotten you a life also. The best thing to tell her is to remember all the space she takes is the same amount of space she gives you. Make it work for you.
yes think positively trust her take her in confidence and ask the reason again and if the reasons mentioned by u r right then she is right
re: I tell her it bothers me that she does not invite me and she just laughs it off.
......That sounds unfriendly - for a spouse!
It seems that you both do not communicate very well so google relationship tips and fix it.
yes it should be, and i dont blame u either, my wife would not be going to partys with out me either
Is this behavior normal?
Isn鈥檛 the spouse always assumed to be going/invited?
Is it okay that my wife does not want to take me to parties with her?
there is a definite problem.
either she is embarrassed by you -
or
she is doing things she does not want you to see.
not wanting to 'entertain you' is not a valid reason at all... I cant even imagine that being true. I mean, youre WITH her, right? how can you even view the person that you are with like that?Is it okay that my wife does not want to take me to parties with her?
they say...2 is company and 3 is a crowd.
Sounds like she wants to screw around to me....
I don't like to be hurtful, but maybe she's afraid you would embarrass her.
I think something is wrong ,she should explain why,en u should one day where is the party en they show up en see whats she is doing,she might be doing something fishy
I know you don't want to make a big deal but she should go to parties without you. If you think about it what are parties really for. (drink, smoke, dance) What is she doing at a party without you. I think that you should make a stand and tell her that is just not right what she is doing. How would she feel if you did the same to her? Don't' take this from her you're the man, right? As a married woman I would never consider going to places like this without my hubby. Now a days stupid songs like that one from Rihana promote infidelity. Be strong and stand up to her.
There is someone there she dose not want you to meet parties that do not include spouse unless they are all girl things should not be attended
Well honestly i would not want to go to a party that my spouse wasn't welcome at. In my opinion if i was told that i would feel like she didn't want to bother by having me there for one reason or another. At times it's good to get away for a change. Maybe having drinks with coworkers or such but parties are a different story. Maybe she just needs her space. I would dig a bit deeper.
well for one, maybe she didnt really want to go to the party and was looking for a excuse not to go. two , maybe obiously she didnt go to the party. and three, the kids need somebody to watch them. and four maybe she loves you, and you should stop asking silly questions on yahoo?? maybe she is fed up with herself and her life and just finds it almost impossible to care about anything anymore.......
I will not jump into any assumptions as to what is going on on those parties.
But.. you are her husband and you DO NOT NEED ANY INVITATION to attend ANY party your wife attends.
Anyone telling you otherwise is nuts!
no she should always bring you of course, i would find out the address and just show up, you are her husband and should be respected.
she sounds heartless or she's up to no good..how could you ever be formally 'invited'' you don't work with her that is one lame excuse.
u got to tell her how u fill about it
Well I may be guilty of doing this same thing. It's not parties though but out to a club. And here is my story. You can compare it to hers. My husband and I used to go to clubs alot when we were dating and yes that was back when we were 21 to about 25 maybe. Now we are 28 and he thinks there is no reason to go to clubs. A group of my friends go occasionally and I like to hang out and dance with them. I am not looking for guys or hoping to get hit on or anything like that. I just like to hang out with friends and drink a little and dance. He doesn't enjoy it at all. The last time he went he sat at the table and sulked all night. Also, he doesn't like to stay out late... EVER! So if I'm planning on doing something with friends I usually expect him to not want to come along. I always ask him to but he usually thinks I'm being immature for wanting to stay out late and sleep the next day away. That's his view. I have mine.
In your case, she should ask you to come along. And yes if her co-workers know she's married they would assume you were coming unless she has made you out to be a couch potato or unsociable or something.
So, I don't know if you have given her the idea before that you wouldn't have fun at such a thing, like my husband has, but that could be the case. If it's innocent she probably just has more fun without you there and it may not be because she's cheating but just because she can be herself and act stupid or some way she wouldn't act with you there. To be a good wife she should introduce you to these people so that you might become friends with some of them and then she wouldn't have to worry about entertaining you all night. You could entertain yourself.
I do think it sounds a little fishy also but I thought I would offer a different view on the issue.
There is a reason she doesn't want you to go and it's not because you weren't invited. How do you even know there is really a party if she never lets you go with her? And instead of just letting you go she decides not to go all together. She's hiding something but don't expect her to be upfront and honest with you about it. She is either having an affair or thinking about having one.
Does not sound good to me. Yes, when you are married and you get invited to a party it is normal that you as a spouse goes. It is vary much assumed that both of you are invited.
Have you ever met her co-workers? Do they know she is married? If so, than yes I would only assume you are invited.
Not to jump the fence, but I think there may be some cheating going on. Hope not, but just something I suspect.
Good luck and hope everything goes good.
Either she is ashamed of you or is telling people she is single. Normally when people are in a relationship they love to show off their mate. What I have known to happen is the person that is not invited usually shows up at the party unexpected to see what really is going on. Don't make such a big deal out of it. When ever it comes up again let her go to her party. You leave the house too and come home after she does. Start doing that often. I bet she will start inviting you everywhere she goes because she will figure that you are ';enjoying'; yourself elsewhere with out her. What ever you do, never tell her where you are going. Never tell her what you are doing. If you have a cell don't answer it. Watch how things change. If it don't then you will have gotten you a life also. The best thing to tell her is to remember all the space she takes is the same amount of space she gives you. Make it work for you.
yes think positively trust her take her in confidence and ask the reason again and if the reasons mentioned by u r right then she is right
re: I tell her it bothers me that she does not invite me and she just laughs it off.
......That sounds unfriendly - for a spouse!
It seems that you both do not communicate very well so google relationship tips and fix it.
yes it should be, and i dont blame u either, my wife would not be going to partys with out me either
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