Question for the married people - is it possible to be ';overly'; committed to your spouse?

I am really starting to feel like I am too committed to my husband. My idea of marriage is probably similar to Joan and Ward Cleaver's (Leave It To Beaver) marriage. I don't mean how they lived, but how they treated each other. I try to be honest at all times and I am very committed to my husband. He has cheated on me twice technically. The first time he realized he was making a mistake and left her house (his ex-girlfriend) before it was too late. But the second time he did the do. He is also addicted to internet porn which I don't think he has done in a couple of months. I don't want to make it sound like I don't have issues because Lord knows I do. But I don't do those type of things.





Do you think my expectations are too high and that I am too committed? I am seeking counseling to deal with myself and these issues, but I am really starting ro reevaluate things.Question for the married people - is it possible to be ';overly'; committed to your spouse?
Only you can say how committed is too committed. I take that attitude that there is only one person in this world whom you CHOOSE to spend the rest of your life with. Parents, siblings, and kids all come as part of the package. Your husband is the only one you chose. So either you made a bad choice or you love him and he is a pretty great guy. Both of you should be #1 in the other's eyes. Don't accept less than that. You are his WIFE (life partner, best friend, one person he should be able to rely on in his darkest days, etc).





We all have shortcomings; I have never met a ';perfect'; person, but I am not saying you should automaticaly forgive and forget. Adultery is one of those things that you need to talk to him about and decide if you want to work through or not. If you don't want him doing it then you better make it clear that it stops or you leave. If he truly loves and respects you then he will clean up his act.





So no- you are not unrealistic in your expectations about marriage. But you do have the wisdom to recognize that life isn't perfect, either.Question for the married people - is it possible to be ';overly'; committed to your spouse?
When did you get married? Divorce IS a common thing nowadays.


First a cheater, always a cheater. You can't be Joan Cleaner, with a husband like that! I think you are setting the expectations high. You can not change someone else into a faithful boyfriend, if they cheated once, and tried twice.


Instead of you only going to therapy, why don't you simply ask your husband to accompany. They have marriage counseling, you know.





Good luck!
You are not overly committed, he is not committed enough. Try to get him to go for marriage couseling. He's on a bad path and putting you at risk of catching a disease if he's sleeping around.
No, your idea of that is incorrect. Just make sure you aren't being a doormat, there is a difference - you can still be a good wife and mother - a la the Cleavers, but the difference is this is the 21st century, and we are women, hear us roar! We can look after ourselves, girl. You can't change him, but you can surely change yourself - and your attitude. I suggest you get regular tests for STDs and HIV/AIDS, regardless.
I think you're hiding behind your ';commitment'; in order to justify the fact that you're staying with a lying cheater who is addicted to porn.
Marriage is a serious commitment.You are approaching it with the reverence and maturity it entails.It sounds like your husband is immature and didnt value his vows.
you are not the one that needs the counseling. He needs it.
It's up to you to decide how much disrespect and lying or inappropriate behavior that you are willing to tolerate.





You said you are getting counseling, is he? Porn addiction tends not to get better on its own. If he's not trying to fix or better himself, that's not a good sign.





I do NOT think having expectations your partner won't cheat and won't respect you are too high. They are what anyone in a relationship should feel comfortable expecting. Thinking he'd never look admiringly at another woman would be unrealistic...but he's crossed that line.
I was over committed to my soon to be ex, I never thought he would cheat on me after 30 years of marriage, but I was wrong, he has moved on without any problem it appears even though the girlfriend has disappeared. I am moving on with my life but it has been really difficult, some days are better than others.
It sounds like you are committed to your marriage but your husband is the one who needs to be in counseling.
No way, you're expectations are not too high. Especially with a guy who obviously can't remain faithful. You need to voice your opinions to him - especially on his use of porn, and maybe start some marriage counseling. Your relationship is not healthy.
Sounds like he is walking all over you. You need to get a back bone and stand up to him. Live your life to make you happy not him. He sounds like a loser!
He has already cheated on you, and while it seems you have worked on it I know it probably still bugs you. And the porn... not helping. Talk to him about your concerns. That you want to be in a serious committed relationship. While I don't really see the bad of him watching porn on the net but if he does it a lot, tell him you want him to stop or at least cut back greatly.





If he can't work something out with him, you may have to rethink your relationship. But remember also, if he's willing to bend/change for you... you also have to do the same. All relationships are give and take-don't forget that.





Other than that, I don't think you're too committed though I think he doesn't for his wandering hands.
you are perfect... Don't change because he's done you wrong.


I do think your to good for him but that is a different issue. If you want to be with him you need to stay committed if you don't you need to get out now.


Good Luck, God bless
It sounds like he's not taking marriage as seriously as you are. If you're going to keep him around then you must look for some serious progress on his part to keep this from happening again. One of them might have to be him losing the porn.
If you are unhappy with this man and feel you cannot make things work, then leave.





It sounds like you have one idea of a life as a married couple and he has another. Unless you both agree, you won't be able to make it work.
You sound just fine......its HIM that has no clue!!!!!!!!!!





Honestly, why do some people even marry???!! I just don't understand it.
Good for you with going to counseling! A cheating spouse will continue to do so unless forced to make a decision - from my experience. I got to the point where I was not willing to let him have sex with other women and live with me. He chose other women, and yet I am glad I stood up for myself and decided that how I was treated was important. I don't think you are too committed - you are totally commited to your spouse by choosing to be faithful and he is showing that he is not commited to the marriage by having sex with other women both in real life and via the internet. Can your marriage be saved - absolutely! You both need to want it to change. Check out Retrouvaille.org for a great resource. God bless! YOU will be okay, regardless of how your marriage turns out. My recommendation is turning to the three G's - God, Girlfriends, and the Gym - they will help you weather any storm.
Well you can count the perfect marriage out. He has already violated the trust issue.





It will be up to you from here on to do what you think and know is right. I personally could not stay with someone who has violated me. I believe he is the one with issues.
Marriage is more than just committment. It is about respect! From what you've said, you are the only person showing that respect. The two things every bride should receive as wedding gifts are 1.) Cast Iron Skillet and 2.) a Bible. The Skillet is for the first time your partner cheats and the Bible is to teach you how to pray for your partner's speedy recovery! You aren't the one to blame! He is! Ask God for strength and maximize the moment!