A question for all the military spouses out there...?

How do you do it? How do you deal with the loneliness when your husband/wife is gone? Especially when they were in boot camp?! It hasn't even been quite a week since my fiancee left for boot camp, and I don't know how I can deal with it, especially for two whole months. If I could at least talk to him on the phone every night, it would be all right, but I dunno when or if I will ever be able to talk to him while he is gone...The loneliness is killing me! I have tried working out, hanging out with friends, doing different things like scrap booking and writing and other hobbies. What works for you? I refuse to cheat or drink, I don't know if I could even do that. So what works? How do you get by?A question for all the military spouses out there...?
Wow ya'll are bringing back memories!!!! It was almost 9 years ago when I was in your shoes and it still makes me sad to remember it. However take this time to learn how to be his support system. Write a letter to him every night because trust me he needs it. I will never forget being there on graduation day and everyone knew who I was just because I wrote to my husband everyday. We chose to keep our letters from both basic training and tech school and now we will each pull them out and read them every once in awhile and think back to that time, but we also have such a great keepsake for our girls one day. Yes it is a hard time but it is for both of you. Try and keep yourself busy find a small job, work out, read that book you always wanted to, take that class you always wanted to, do whatever you always wanted to do but never had the time to do. And everyone is saying if you can't handle it now how are you going to handle a deployment, well the answer to that is you cross that bridge when you get to it. This is the bridge you are at now so cross this one and when you get to then next one cross that one. Don't borrow trouble that is not here yet. The life of a military wife is one that is unpredictable, but with a good man by your side it will all be fine. For right now be his support, love him, and keep yourself busy the time will fly and before you know it years will have past and it will just be a sweet memory. Good luck to you both.A question for all the military spouses out there...?
You have to stay busy. It never really gets easier you just learn to deal with it. Working, volunteering your time, school, hobbies etc. Having a good support system helps as well.





Talking every night will not be an option sorry to say. Learn to deal with it now because deployments will come and go and they are even longer.





If you want try writing in a jornal or you can send him a letter everyday. Try to remain upbeat because he is dealing with alot right now as well.
If you can't deal with the 2 months how are you going to deal with 6 months in Iraq or 12 months in Afghanistan? TDY's every few months?





It sucks, but we all do it. We all have to sacrifice something to be with the one we love.





Communication is key, email, phone calls, hell even a comment on Myspace helps.





But just think, you are one of the few that gets to say they can fall in love all over again when there loved one comes back home.
Boot camp was tough... (marines) my boyfriend (hubby now) was gone for 3 months, no contact except letters. Its tough... My advice is to keep the letters flowing... even if you got nothing interesting to say...they appreciate mail call! Sweetie you better get use to not talking to him on the phone every night... esp while he's out in the field. try going days/weeks a time... thats military life for ya. You need to find friends or people going through the same sh*t you are... Make a scrap book, do crafts, keep yourself constantly busy!!! You wanna kno what my husband does overseas? He disarms IEDs,booby trapped explosives and roadside bombs... Ha You need to have FAITH trust and love to get through military relationship/marriage. You have to be strong for you man and for yourself... There is going to be a lot of time you spend apart ... it'll either break you or make you. Keep your head up.... you get use to it
OMG My husband left on Monday for Boot Camp and I have not gotten used to it at all. If anything, I get sadder as the days go on, since that means its been longer since I last say him.





I've been assured that it perks up, and things get better, but I'm still lonely.





What branch did he join?





Mine joined the Marines, so he was 12 weeks left.





So far I've just been kinda mopey, but I decided to channel all my emotion into getting my body back into shape so that I look SEXY when he graduates.





Email me and we can talk





lauraboren@rocketmail.com
Get on with your life, do hobbies, go for coffee with friends, go to the movies, go workout, anything to stay busy. Boot camp might seem hard but it will get worse to be honest. There is going to be deployments where you can't talk for longer than 2 months, emails can be stopped, etc.. It is part of a relationship when one person is in the military. You have to continue on with your life because sitting by the phone and waiting will just make it seem worse. Short periods of time away from each other are harder than long periods because you cannot really get into a routine. Just continue what you are doing and it will soon get easier.
You get by because you have to. The life of a military wife is stressful and full of complications. You survive knowing you will see him again. I was ok spending time with friends and family that I knew I wouldn't see again for a long time after he was done. Once you move, you will miss them a great deal. The fact is that you have to do it. (I am not trying to be rude) You have to be independent and functional by yourself. You have to be strong-minded and have great coping skills to have a successful military relationship. Remember that this could be preparing you to deal with deployments. It is like training for you as well. Also, remember that you are not alone in feeling this way. Think of all of the thousands of military spouses that have had to deal with seperation. Oh, and once you move to your first duty station, you will most likely have seperation anxiety from your friends and family. It happens to almost every spouse and service member at some point. Just be prepared for it.


If you need to talk, message me. I am more than happy to talk to you:)
I can understand how you feel as my husband is currently on deployment to Iraq. Here are some of the things that I have found help me to deal with the loneliness. First of all, is stay busy. The busier you are the faster the time will go by. Find something that interests you and volunteer in that field or find a hobby which allows you to be around other people. You would be surprised how many friends you can make as well as the act of helping others will help to diminish the feelings of loneliness. I would not necessarily spend more time at work because that can burn you out and then you will be even worse off.





Second, you need a strong support system. Hanging out with your friends is good but unless they also have someone in Basic training it can be hard for them to fully understand what you are feeling. Spend time with his family, especially his mom as I'm sure she can empathize with your feelings. If you attend church, your church family can also be a good source of support. I am glad that you refuse to cheat. It is unfortunate how many service men and women come home to find out that their significant others have been unfaithful. It is also good that you refuse to turn to drink as a means to deal with the loneliness as drinking just makes matters worse in the long run.





As there is no way for you to talk on the phone to him every night, there are still a couple of things you can do. First of all, is to write him a letter or in a journal every evening and tell him what you would have told him on the phone. Another option is to get a tape or voice recorder and talk into it as though you are on the phone with him. He may not get to listen to the tapes until after he finishes training but he will not only be able to know what you wanted to say to him but he will be able to hear the emotion and sincerity in you voice.





While the first couple of weeks will be the hardest for both of you, with the loneliness as well as his stress from what he is going through, as he progresses through training he will have more opportunities to not only write you back but to also call for a few minutes. The most important things to remember are to cherish the moment when he is able to call, to understand that he will write or call when he can, and that he loves you and needs your support now as much as ever.


Also don't be upset with him if it takes him a couple of weeks to write you back or if the letters he writes are very short, especially if you are sending him frequent or long letters, as there will be times when he may not have the time to even read or write letters.





Finally when you do write or talk to him, tell him how proud you are of him and his decision to join the military. Keep him up on what is going on back home, but don't add to his stress level by complaining about all the things that are not going well, he is stressed enough as it is please to make it harder for him. Although he is gone now for training and the there is the probability of him having to go on deployment, the time he is in training will be the hardest. First of all, not only is this the first time you are away from each other but for the majority of it he will have little chance to call or write. However, even though a deployment is much longer, usually about a year, he will have opportunities to talk to you, whether on the phone, in a letter, or by computer. Granted there will be times when it might be a couple days to a week or more, there will also be times when he may be able to spend all day on the computer talking with you.





Good luck and hang in there. The time will be over before you know it and you will be together again soon.
You stay busy. Hang out with friends, spend time with family, work, volunteer, write your fiancee letters (I LOVED getting letters while in boot camp). There really is no secret to handling it. You just do. I love my husband more than anything and yes it really sucked when he left for both deployments. The first one I was in the process of getting out of the Navy and we just had a baby and my last grandparent died and Katrina hit my hometown. I was more than a little depressed you could say. But I got through it because I knew my husband needing to know I was handling things on my end so he could focus on his. And the second deployment we had two kids and I was in the process of moving us without him. Not fun. But again, I got through it because I love him. Good luck. You have to be strong.
wow i can definitely relate, my fiance has been gone for 24 days now and it has definitely been rough. They DO get to call and write (i've gotten 2 letters so far and one phone call) I missed his phone call though and cried the rest of the night. Keep your phone attached to your hip because there is no way to know when they'll be able to call, its completely up the the training instructor and they have to earn it. just one or two people can mess it up for the entire group!(which happened to my fiance which is why he wasn't able to call during week 2) Im thinking that they usually get to call on weekend evenings (sundays in my case) Like you, i dont really drink and going out with my friends just makes me wish he was there with me. I have found that my job is really what makes time go by the fastest. I've also found that since im saving money so I can go see him graduate that focusing on things that you DONT want to come...makes time go by faster...lol as stupid as that sounds, when you really want something it seems to take forever but when you DONT...it seems to fly.





Patiently awaiting to see him graduate and send him off for tech school only 3 days later is going to be brutal too! Just stay busy and look forward to his letters and calls...I've been counting down the days since the second he left me standing at the airport gate. Keep in mind that hes doing this for YOU, and it wont be long until you guys are together. I write him every night and send the letters off every other day, he loves getting them, he says it is what keeps him going. Over the past 4 weeks i have realized that the time i spend writing to him is very comforting, its just like talking on the phone to him almost, i tell him how my day went, etc. In the beginning i was writing him 2 and 3 times a day just to pass time because i was off work, so that helps, but now its usually just one(i've found that i can write PAGES AND PAGES if i could) Its my favorite part of the day! hope this helps!





-Future Military Wife
im currently in the marine corps and all i have to say is that when i was in bootcamp i couldnt wait to read my letters. u should write as much as possible and send pictures.. nothing explicit tho they look at them before they give them to him... and trust me hes suffering worst than you right now. tell him u love him and miss him till u cant anymore and all u can really do is countdown til he comes home. u could try planning a surprise party or a sexy surprise for when he comes back. and of course dont cheat!!!!!! thats the worst.. when ur away from ur family, training everyday, doing stupid tasks Drill instrustors put you through to find out uve been cheated on =(
It is hard and one thing you should know is that it doesnt get easier, time just tends to go by faster each day! The first two weeks are hard! My husband is in BCT at Fort Jackson right now. He graduates in 21 days! I dont know where your fiancee is, but I know that at Fort Jackson, he gets to talk to me every Sunday, and sometimes other days. Lately, since its closer to graduation day, he gets to talk a lot longer! Like the answer above, write letters everyday and keep a journal of things you do. We have a 1 year old son so our daily journal basically said what we do during the day, new things he learned, etc. Start working out, taking classes, hang out with your friends or family members. I know you have already tried that, but you need to try to get your mind off of him and enjoy those activities! It is hard, trust me, but eventually you get the hang of it. Now that the weather is getting warmer, it is going to be easier to get out and do things! You will be fine! Besides, BCT is a good way to prepare what might be ahead.....It goes by fast!