How do you deal with a spouse having an opposite sex friend?

My husband has a female friend that he has know since jr high. They dated then, and he still talks to her. I caught him lying to me about talking to her. I explained to him that the lying is what bothers me, not the friend but once I started trying to deal with them talking it really has been bothering me. I don't want to tell him who he can and cannot be friends with, but she and I are not friends (I am nice to her) so it's hurtful to me for some reason. I know he would never cheat with her. She's not that kind of person and neither is he. I just think that since she is single she like his attention. Do I just keep my thoughts to myself to prevent from seeming like the ruling wife or do I speak up? I fear that if I do speak up he will only lie about it. HELP!How do you deal with a spouse having an opposite sex friend?
Former girlfriends / boyfriends are OFF LIMITS period! They had sex together right? There's just too much underlying attraction that could still be there.





I've been dealing with the same thing and we agreed long ago, that scenario was off limits. I found out she'd been talking to this one particular fella on the humbug. When I confronted her, she lied about it. That's what had me pissed off.





The real pisser is my wife told me she would be furious if I'd been doing it. Thus, she knows what she was doing wrong and improper.





Let him know this is not acceptable behavior!How do you deal with a spouse having an opposite sex friend?
Talk to him and tell him your fears, ask him how would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Good luck.
I have been in your shoes with the exact situation and no one really understands it unless they have experienced it.


I had a lot of trouble with this trying to figure out what to do just as you are. I did tell him how I felt about it, the dishonesty especially, because I have a hard time trusting in the first place. I told him I didn't want him talking to her on the phone anymore and he could only see her when I was there. I said this might be innocent on your part but she wants more, and for his sake he needed to tone it down with her. He did, and we still see her but not very often anymore.
Hmmm................there is nothing wrong with your husbands having a female friend.... there is something wrong with him feeling like he's got to lie about it to his wife.





I would suggest that you can do one of two things... you can nag him till he feels that he HAS to lie to you.... or you can try to make friends with her too. Be friendly to her when she calls... chat with her when you see her. If you truly believe that she and your husband aren't cheating, than you could try the old ';killing her with kindness'; approach. Eventually she will get tired and will find another man to make her feel good about herself.





I would like to point out that I would be concerned about your husband. You are his wife... you expressed a concern about something in his life, and he chose to lie to you about it. That raises some warning flags in my mind. If my wife came to me with a similer complaint, I'd rememeber that I vowed to love and honor her and to forsake all others for as long as we both shall live. The fact that you have a problem with his friendship should have told him to either include you in it or let her go.





But thats' just my opinion
Talk to your husband again. Tell him that even though you trust both him and his friend that something is bothering you about their relationship. Perhaps if the two of you sit down and talk about it you can figure out what is bothering you. I hope it is not jealousy after all their relationship was in Jr. High. You and your husband must learn to talk TO each other not AT each other.
We both do. So what? People are people; friends are friends. If someone is going to cheat, they'll fond someone. If it is just a weird friendship and not cheating, it's no threat to you or your marriage.
I can understand why you feel the way you do, especially because he has been dishonest. Why would he do that if it's strictly an innocent friendship and no intentions on his part? I would find out why he felt the need to be dishonest.





Definitely express how you feel about the friendship. His loyalty and relationship with you comes first. He needs to make sure he respects that union first. It can be very weird when in a marriage you have single friends. Also hard when they are of the opposite sex. Your trust level has to be on point; if it's not then you will send your thoughts into a frenzy; possibly for no reason at all.





Just make sure you pay attention to the relationship he has with her and if he starts acting secretive then I would say something. In all it's defiantly okay for him to be cool with her as long as he doesn't do anything to disrespect his marriage and you!





They have books on this kind of thing. I would go to the library and do some research on how to handle this.





**Edit**





Because he has had a prior physical relationship with this woman and now he's being dishonest with you about her, I would strongly not accept or tolerate this friendship between the two of them. He has himself to thank for that. He lied for some reason and I wouldn't take it lightly. Handle your business girl!
I have a very good friend. We used to date. Now she's married and just had a baby. We are still good friends and that's that. Nothing else going on.
my hubby works in a hospital so he has many friends that are women. I dont have a problem with it cause I have friends that are guys. I did have a slight similar problem with my hubby talkin to his ex behind my back. He said he didnt know how to tell me. Its simple you open your mouth and talk. Anywho, the only way we solved it was for me to sit him down and tell him this is how I feel about you and the ex talking and if you want to make this better its your choice to stop talking to her or just talk with her infront of me so I feel its not behind my back. I also confronted her and told her that I wasnt happy with her calling knowing we were having a few problems at the time. After all was said and done they hardly talk now and when they do he makes sure to tell me cause I usely find out everything. Just sit him down and let out your feelings to him. Communication is the key and if he is wanting to keep a great married you have to have everything laid out on the table...friendship and trust are the only ingredience that will keep your marriage working. She is single and you dont know her...so no telling what she could be saying to him talking him into doing something he may regret. Just use your words wisely...I been there, Good Luck
uuh..i think its too late...he already cheated on you, now hes doing it without havin to sneak around...





theres no such thing as a friend of the opposite sex..only friends with benefits.
At the very least you need to tell your husband how you are feeling. Tell him exactly what you said here. That you know he wouldn't cheat, but that you still see her as a threat because she is single, and they did date after all.


Keeping it in will just drive you crazy!
Leave him or either suck it up, take xanax, and move on.
The name of the game is TRUST, if you have no trust in one-another, then you might as well throw in the towel, a marriage is based on love, trust %26amp; alot of other factors. If you know he wont cheat on you, then believe in him %26amp; trust him.We're all allowed to choose our friends, opposite sex or not.